My Realizations While Overcoming Illness Karma

(Minghui.org) Greetings, revered Master. Greetings, fellow practitioners.

I would like to express my deep gratitude to Falun Dafa. I underwent a difficult trial this year that I could not have passed if I were not a Falun Dafa practitioner.

Shortly after our last conference in November 2024, illness karma manifested in my body. For several days, I woke up in severe pain that subsided as the day progressed. On some days, the pain was so intense that even walking to the kitchen was an ordeal. It sometimes took me several hours to loosen my limbs and alleviate the pain somewhat. Every movement required considerable effort: opening a water bottle, tying my hair back, getting dressed, climbing stairs, sitting on the floor to meditate, getting up again…

People around me noticed that I sometimes limped and asked what was wrong. I told myself that I was a Falun Dafa practitioner and had to endure the pain without complaining. But deep down, I wondered, “Why do I have to go through such a difficult ordeal, which gave ordinary people a negative impression of Falun Dafa?”

My concern finally prompted me to try to understand better what was happening to me. Some online research revealed that at my age of 30, even a healthy person shouldn’t be suffering from joint wear and tear or osteoarthritis. Then, another explanation presented itself, that my symptoms matched an incurable autoimmune disease: rheumatoid arthritis.

This disease is characterized by chronic inflammation of the joints, which can ultimately lead to deformities, loss of mobility, and even premature death if left untreated. As I read patient testimonials, I found word-for-word what I was experiencing. I even closely examined the particularly painful joints in my fingers and noticed that three of them were swollen and displaced from their natural alignment. While filming videos for the media company I work for, I realized that my knuckles were so swollen that it was obvious to others.

My husband and I practice Falun Dafa, and he pointed out that my xinxing dropped the moment I looked up online what “disease” my pain might correspond to. This made me think more deeply about it. I realized that one of my fundamental attachments was still there, the fear of illness. In fact, it was precisely this fear that led me to practice Falun Dafa. I decided to let go and not seek medical help.

Advice from Fellow Practitioners

The first piece of advice several practitioners gave me was to practice the exercises more. They were absolutely right. I wasn’t doing all five exercises every day, so I quickly decided to increase the duration and frequency of my practice.

Most of the veteran practitioners encouraged me to ignore the symptoms and not acknowledge them. However, one said something different. He reassured me, saying that certain karmic situations are complex and that it wasn’t a bad thing if I felt the need to go to the hospital. These compassionate words helped to ease some of the pressure I put on myself.

A practitioner friend, to whom I confided about my situation, responded with simple words that nevertheless shook me: “This is a very good opportunity to look inward. Have you found your problem yet?”

I felt deeply hurt. I didn’t really reply, but I thought, “I’m a practitioner; I know very well that you have to look inward! I share my daily suffering with you, and that’s all you have to say to me?” I walked away from her with a feeling of resentment. I was convinced that she had no compassion. I felt misunderstood, hurt, and frustrated because I wasn’t getting the support I so desperately needed in that moment. But thankfully, I soon remembered Master’s words.

Master taught us,

“...being forcibly persecuted by the old forces is also caused by the karma you have.” (“Stay Far Away From Peril”)

Wasn’t my friend right? Wasn’t it the best advice she could have given me to get out of this dead-end—to look inward? A few days later, a similar situation arose. My body was exhausted from the pain. In this weakened state, I tried to get a little attention from my husband, but he ignored me because he was busy. Overwhelmed by a deep sense of helplessness, I burst into tears.

Afterward, I reflected at length on this need for recognition and affection. I realized that in everyday life, when I didn’t receive the affection or attention I felt I deserved, I quietly harbored a kind of resentment. This resentment was a deep-seated, diffuse anger that never erupted, but was nonetheless very real. Wasn’t that precisely what fueled my inflammation? Wasn’t that suppressed anger, that inner fire burning—while I outwardly appeared to be evolving—the very cause of my inflamed and painful joints?

Looking Truly Inward

One evening, while I read Master’s lectures with our regional Fa study group, I came across a passage that helped me a lot.

Master said,

“Some of our practitioners are struggling with passing the tests of sickness karma. Don’t think that it’s necessarily something major [that causes that]. You might think that you haven’t done anything majorly wrong, and that you are very firm in your faith in the Fa. However, you shouldn’t treat the little issues you have like they are nothing. The evil will seize upon any gaps. Many practitioners have even passed away on account of little things; it really was due to something very minor.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XIII)

That evening, I made a clear decision: “From now on, I will pay close attention to all the mistakes I considered ‘minor.’” I used two weeks of vacation abroad to focus entirely on reading Zhuan Falun. Every day, I read slowly and carefully, comparing each sentence with my own cultivation—I honestly examined each of my actions and thoughts.

I decided to analyze the roots of my resentment more closely. Beyond the previously mentioned need for affection and qing, I realized that my resentment toward my husband manifested itself almost daily in very different and often subtle ways.

It arose at the slightest criticism from him, or even when he did something that, in my opinion, was not in accordance with the Fa (teachings). When I quietly resented this, I told myself that his behavior “is unworthy of a practitioner,” or why I always have to put up with his behavior. Gradually, a truth became clear to me, that most of my thoughts towards him were characterized by dissatisfaction, condemnation, and resentment.

Once this became clear to me, I faced significant trials that tested my xinxing. One day, my husband disappeared for several minutes without a word, even though we had an important meeting. True to my old pattern, I was overcome with intense anger. Tears even welled up in my eyes, and I thought his disrespect was unbearable. But suddenly, a sincere thought came to me: “Why should he be wrong and I be right? Am I not the one struggling with illness karma? Isn’t this precisely a valuable opportunity to cultivate kindness?” At that moment, my anger dissipated. I felt light, peaceful, and my body seemed to grow lighter as well.

This trial repeated itself several times during our vacation. Each time, I let go of more of my resentment. It was a very enriching experience. Had I not suffered from joint pain, I would never have been led to observe my thoughts so carefully and to learn to extinguish this inner fire that had been burning for far too long.

Finally Eliminating Erotic Desire

Because of my joint pain, the pain in my legs was amplified many times when I meditated. Sometimes the pain was so intense that I wept. One day, when the pain was unbearable, I promised Master that I would seriously address the issue of erotic desire, which I had been putting off. Since my marriage, I hadn’t truly cultivated away my erotic desires, and my attachment to sexual lust intensified. I felt that since my husband and I wanted children, it was natural that we would feel some physical attraction to one another. But when I reread the passage in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun that deals with sexual desire, I realized that the desire between a man and a woman is also an attachment that a Falun Dafa practitioner must let go of. To strengthen myself, I began rereading the “Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” which helped me.

I then reflected very seriously on the question: “Where did I go wrong?” For a long time, I believed that my husband clung to erotic desires more than I did, because every time I brought up the topic from a cultivation perspective, it led to tense discussions and accusations from him.

After I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2017, I took eliminating desire very seriously. It was only when I met my husband that the problem “resurfaced.” I believed the situation we maneuvered ourselves into was entirely his responsibility, and I unconsciously resented him for it. I resigned myself to the situation because I didn’t want to lose his affection or love. In fact, I blamed him instead of honestly looking inward and admitting that I, too, had this attachment.

I asked myself with genuine concern: “If I don’t relinquish my most filthy attachments, won’t I be dragging another practitioner down with me into ruin?” In the same lecture, Master invites us to adopt a broader perspective:

Master said,

“A human is not born just once. Maybe in this life that person is your family member, but next time he will be in someone else’s family, and the time after that who knows where he might reincarnate. [And your connection as family now] is but one lifetime’s predestined connection. Then how could you make on that being’s behalf the decision that determines the eternal fate of his life? Only when you truly have in your heart the wish to save that person, and you regard him as a sentient being to save, will you see things change.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume X)

I reread this lecture regularly after I married, hoping to find a clear way out of the problem of sexual desire. But only this time did Master’s words truly resonate with me and make me feel what a practitioner’s true compassion is. I turned to my husband as if he were a person in need of rescue, whose fate depended on my decisions, and tears welled up in my eyes. I silently told myself, “Let’s not perish and cease to be unworthy of the title of ‘Dafa disciple.’”

Shortly after this compassionate thought, an unexpected change occurred. My husband brought the topic up himself. He said, “I have thought about this for a long time. The old forces are attacking you with this karmic test of illness, and I, too, must look inward. Together, we must relinquish sexual desire and transcend the human plane. ... We will cultivate ourselves together and move in the right direction so that you can overcome this interference.”

There are no words to describe the joy and gratitude I felt when I heard his words. I sensed that Master was helping me release a heavy, sticky karma that I had been trapped in for far too long. Master’s boundless grace filled the room and my very being. I stood before Master’s portrait and wept tears of gratitude.

Conclusion

As I write this, my pain has not completely disappeared. However, my perspective on the disorder completely changed. I went from believing that I had a serious illness to realizing that even this very bad thing is a good thing, as it forced me to look inward and allowed me to seriously eliminate my basic attachments.

By sending out righteous thoughts, I am now correcting my inner worlds and the cosmos that comprises my body. I’m determined to allow Master to transform my benti (human body) in this process. In cultivation, there are no “little things.” A practitioner may, on the surface, be very diligent, read Zhuan Falun and do the exercises every day, but that does not mean they’ve transcended the human world. Master has given us the key to leaving this realm. It is about being considerate and relinquishing one’s personal and material interests. But when we do things mechanically, we forget to sincerely look inward and we believe we’re on the right path.

My joint pain is ultimately the best thing that happened to me this past year. Without it, I would never have faced my weaknesses and worked on eliminating them.

I thank compassionate Master for this boundless Dafa and my fellow practitioners for their invaluable compassion. I will continue to follow the path Master arranged for me to achieve the purpose of my coming into this world.

Thank you, revered Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!

(Selected submission presented at the 2025 Swiss German-speaking Fa Conference)