Learning How to Look Inward When Experiencing Conflicts

(Minghui.org) I’m 60 years old this year. I read Zhuan Falun before the persecution started in 1999, but it took me many years to truly practice Falun Dafa. It’s only been just over 10 years since I became a true Dafa cultivator. 

At the beginning of my cultivation, I was not clear on the Fa principles. I thought that studying the Fa and participating in Dafa activities amounted to doing cultivation. But I realized that actual cultivation is getting rid of attachments by tempering the human heart over every small thing in life. I wrote down my experience to share with fellow practitioners and Master Li.

Getting Rid of My Resentment for My Ex-Husband

The most challenging test in my cultivation was the test of sentimentality for my ex-husband. He was the youngest in the family, and he was very self-centered. He was lazy, irritable, and irresponsible. Quarrels became commonplace in our daily lives, and life was hard.

Fortunately, I started to practice Falun Dafa, which changed my outlook on life. I felt I had hope, and my life was meaningful. Even though he disrespected my parents, I still respected his parents. I tried not to quarrel with him and endured his misbehavior. But I only superficially endured and did not truly forgive him. I knew I did not meet the standard of a true cultivator. After I was detained for my belief, my husband couldn’t stand not being tended to, so he found another woman and asked for a divorce.

Because I couldn’t study the Fa during my illegal detention, my resentment and competitive mentality became stronger. I thought, “I won’t divorce. I’m miserable, so you won’t have a good life either.” After I returned home, I was able to study the Fa wholeheartedly. He asked for a divorce again. I gradually calmed down, and my competitive mentality was not that strong anymore. I agreed to his request and also didn’t argue with him over his unreasonable demand for the property.

Although we divorced, I never got rid of my resentment for him. Especially when I saw him cursing Dafa, me, and my family in text messages. Not only did I resent him, I hated him. I knew I was a cultivator and shouldn’t bother with him, but resentment always surged in my heart. I couldn’t calm down even when I was doing the Dafa exercises. Sometimes I had human thoughts; sometimes I had righteous thoughts; the cycle kept repeating. This became a big obstacle in my cultivation.

How could I get rid of this resentment? Master talked about the Fa principle of having “... gained four ways in one shot.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun). I also understood that my ex-husband’s cursing was meant to give me virtue and help me increase my gong. But my resentment surged when it became a reality. What should I do? I knew that I didn’t do well. I read Master’s earlier teachings repeatedly, and my resentment gradually melted away.

I was once still thinking about how to overcome this obstacle when, suddenly, the word “achievement” entered my mind. I knew this was Master reminding me. But what did he want me to achieve? Achieve in my cultivation? Yes! All the obstacles and difficulties, all the injustices my ex-husband was responsible for were helping me to achieve an elevation in my level of cultivation. So why did I want to resent him? I really should thank him! 

I was grateful for Master’s compassionate guidance, which enlightened me to improve my xinxing. I used to see these tests being as high as a mountain, but after my xinxing improved, that mountain had become small when I viewed it from a higher level. I’m grateful to Master beyond words!

Eliminate Wandering Thoughts and Strengthen Righteous Faith

If someone told me, “You don’t believe in Master and Dafa,” I would have firmly denied it. But in my daily cultivation, I realize I hadn’t achieved 100% faith in Master and Dafa when I measured my every thought with the Fa’s principles. For example, Master asks us to send righteous thoughts. No matter how powerful the energy we send out when eliminating evil, our expressions should be calm and peaceful. But when I sent righteous thoughts, I often furrowed my brow and tightened my lips, as if this was the only way to concentrate my strength. While studying the Fa, I came to understand that my righteous thoughts might be filled with hatred and competitiveness.

“The power of true compassion can dissolve all deviant factors ...” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume X)

I felt that I was too kind and could not eliminate evil. The Fa that Master taught was the Fa that created the universe and is the ultimate truth. How could I doubt it? I found that, deep down inside, I did not have 100% faith in Master and Dafa.

From that moment on, I adjusted my thoughts and behavior, eliminated my competitive mentality, and increased my compassion. The energy then filled my whole body when I sent righteous thoughts again. Although I could not see it, I believe the power to eliminate evil was very strong.

We should always remember that we are cultivators. After so many years of cultivation, I finally realized that it involves not only studying the Fa, but also doing the exercises and sending righteous thoughts. Our thoughts and behavior are part of cultivation or, more precisely, essential aspects of cultivating our minds. 

For example, when chatting with older people, I couldn’t help but mention how old I was. But this didn’t seem right. I did not regard myself as a cultivator. Master told us that as long as we genuinely cultivate, we will undergo a complete transformation and ultimately become younger. How could I compare myself with ordinary people?

Also, when I encountered people with differing opinions, I always commented on them with human thoughts. Although I do not get into fierce debates with others, it does not have a good impact. I have not achieved Master’s requirement of cultivating speech. 

I sometimes regarded my involvement in Dafa activities as cultivation and even decreased my Fa study time. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of being busy doing things. I knew this was wrong. I needed to remember that Fa study can help us achieve twice the results with half the effort!

All these behaviors revealed that I needed to continue to improve in cultivation.

Using the Law to Counteract the Persecution

I have been persecuted and harbored fear and hatred for law enforcement officers from the bottom of my heart. I’m afraid they will persecute me again. I hated that they distorted the truth and were unable to distinguish between right and wrong. Master repeatedly said in his teachings that practitioners have no enemies. Public security officers also need to be saved!

The online forum that talks about justice was established with great effort by practitioners. It explains the legal standpoint of the persecution and how we can protect our rights when the police are breaking the law. After reading it, I no longer act recklessly. When facing police harassment, I can now point out to them that they are breaking the law and persecuting good people. As a result, some of them stopped committing crimes against Dafa.

Daily Fa study gradually helped me to remove my fear. Although I have not yet cultivated to the point where I can treat the police and others who persecuted me with compassion, I can at least regard them as victims who need to be saved. Whenever I have fear, I know this is not my original intention. Master is by my side, and there are countless divine beings behind me. I’m cultivating the universe’s fundamental Great Law! I’m full of energy when I think of this, and all fear and distracting thoughts no longer exist.

I am so lucky to be able to practice Falun Dafa in this lifetime. The more I cultivate, the more I feel Master’s infinite grace. The more I cultivate, the more I think I’m lagging behind. I should study the Fa more, look inward, and eliminate my human attachments. I’m grateful for Master’s compassion and hope to live up to the title of Dafa disciple.