Looking Within During an Illness Tribulation

(Minghui.org) It has already been some time since my body first started showing fake illness symptoms. During a cultivation experience sharing session after a group Fa study, a thought came into my mind: “It is too difficult to be a truly cultivating practitioner.” I shared this thought with other practitioners during our cultivation exchange. Fellow practitioners pointed out that this thought was not from my true self, so I could not acknowledge it. After listening to fellow practitioners’ sharing and encouragement, I gradually got rid of those negative thoughts. I had new understandings about my illness karma tribulations too. I understood that it had happened because I did not solidly cultivate. My righteous thoughts arose and I wanted to become a Dafa disciple who truly and solidly cultivates.

To strengthen my righteous thoughts, I decided to write down the process of how I came to understand the tribulation state I had found myself in. While writing, I saw that I was initially in a field filled with a sort of gray, blurry matter, which was made up of notions, karma, attachments, and demon nature. The matter made me lose my righteous thoughts. I saw that I really fell so short that I needed to look within and cultivate myself seriously again, and I needed cultivation experience sharing and help from fellow practitioners to do so.

I told Meiling my thoughts and she said, “Come to my house.” I worried that I would be inconveniencing her, but she said, “Don’t think about anything. This is for cultivation.” All the burdens in my mind seemed to lift when she said that and I decided to go to her house. 

I was in so much pain that night that I could not sleep, so Meiling suggested I recited the Fa. I kept reciting the Fa, whatever passages I could remember. I persisted and the painful feelings gradually started dissipating.

The next morning, after getting up, Meiling shared some of her cultivation experiences with me. This made me recall an experience I had with another practitioner. I felt very wronged by the experience and tears kept running down my cheeks uncontrollably. I could not understand why that practitioner had treated me that way. When I told Meiling my thoughts, she pointed out my problems. This made me realize that in the past, I had looked at problems in cultivation from the human level whenever I had encountered conflicts. I had always used human thoughts to measure problems and viewed things from the perspective of human relationships. My mind then felt like it was expanding. Through this cultivation sharing, I found my attachment to hatred and complaining. While studying the Fa, the principles appeared and I learned that as long as I persist in looking within the requirements of Dafa and look at problems based on the Fa, I will be able to overcome tribulations and transcend the human level.

During the process of studying the Fa, “pain” from the illness tribulation made me sway left and right such that I could not sit steadily. I then recalled Master saying,

“...what one feels accounts for nothing. One cannot cultivate based on how one feels.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun) 

I decided not to follow these feelings anymore. I stopped myself from swaying left and right and the “pain” lessened.

Meiling made me persist in reading the Fa. As I read on, the principles manifested and my tears kept flowing without me realizing it. I felt Master’s benevolence and the pain in my body disappeared. Although this state only lasted for just over 10 minutes, I had never experienced anything like this since the illness karma tribulation had started. I really experienced what Master said,

“True cultivators have no illnesses.” (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun,” Further Discussions on Falun Dafa)

After getting up the next morning, Meiling continued to exchange cultivation experiences with me again. She pointed out the problems that she saw in me and showed me segments of Fa related to those problems. After reading the passages, the principles were displayed to me again and I saw that I have looked outward in my cultivation. I learned that I was really lousy with my cultivation. I saw that all this while, although I have been cultivating in Dafa, I did not know the true meaning of cultivation and did not place emphasis on looking within to truly cultivate myself. I also learned that my past understandings of the things that Dafa practitioners need to do were only from the superficial physical level. I did not truly cultivate myself.

After I realized this, I felt that I seemed to have just started cultivating. It was as though I had just started to know how to cultivate. I started to treat looking within as a form of responsibility. I understood that the cause of my illness karma tribulation was that I was not clear about the Fa and I had not taken a righteous path in my cultivation.

Later that morning Meiling suddenly treated me strictly, as though she was angry with me. She even said that she did not want to cook anything for me anymore, but she still fried two eggs for me. As I ate, I thought about the problem and realized that my purpose for coming to her house was to cultivate and not to enjoy myself. I understood that this was Master reminding me about this through Meiling.

Following that Master again let me see my displays of seeking comfort. Other practitioners had all treated me like a patient, and I had happily accepted their treatment. I was almost in trouble because of this attachment to comfort. I also learned that if we do not take a righteous path in our cultivation, it can be really dangerous. This was Master making use of a practitioner’s behavior to correct my own behavior.

That night, when I heard the song lyrics of a song written by a Dafa practitioner, I once again saw how far I had lagged behind the other practitioners in my cultivation, and had tears. Meiling let me read a few cultivation experience-sharing articles from Minghui.org. The sharing made me understand Master's benevolence, the urgency of cultivation, and how much I should cherish this opportunity to cultivate. My empty heart started to feel like it was filling up.

The next day during group Fa study, I felt the pain from the illness karma tribulation gradually disappearing. I truly experienced the importance of studying the Fa. I understood that in order to continue to do well on my cultivation path, I must first persist in studying the Fa. Studying the Fa well is the most important thing. There should not be any barriers built up between fellow practitioners, and I should not use my own notions to look at fellow practitioners. When conflicts occur, I should not treat fellow practitioners like enemies. Instead, I must look within myself and voluntarily get rid of the barriers to form one body.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!