(Minghui.org) Greetings Master and fellow practitioners,
I am a freshman at Fei Tian College Middletown, majoring in dance. Today, I would like to share with you my experiences in recognizing and overcoming some of my fundamental attachments.
Eliminating Arrogance
Perhaps one of the biggest attachments, as I have discovered this year, is my thinking that I am better than others. Before, I never thought I had this problem, because I would always find ways to appear humble and make it seem like I had self-control. It was only after I competed at this year’s NTDTV Dance Competition that I finally realized this was a serious matter that had to eliminated. Since I was a kid, my behavior caused me to “stand out.” Because I wanted to be recognized, I would always abide by the rules and try to be the “good kid.” When I was praised in any way, I would feel proud. When I saw that others were doing better than me, I would get jealous and angry. This led me to develop a notion that I always need to be the most important person in the group I associated with.
When I came to Middletown to start learning to dance, my attachment to competitiveness and arrogance only grew stronger. What started as pure motivation to want to improve slowly became the desire to stay at the top. Instead of working together with and helping out my fellow dancers, I would be critical and only focus on myself. The motive behind almost everything I did was to highlight myself, and looking back, I gave off the vibe that I was better than everyone.
Master said,
“For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests.” (“A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
A cultivator should simply focus on improving xinxing and returning to one’s original true self, and do well with what he has to do. I shouldn’t become attached to making myself stand out and highlighting my accomplishments. Whether I do something well or not, I shouldn’t be moved and forget that I am a cultivator.
Whenever I read an article or watch an interview about a Shen Yun dancer’s experiences, the topic of selflessness and teamwork is always brought up. In order to ensure a successful show that will save sentient beings, every artist needs to be there for each other, and there is no room for selfishness. I remember specifically one article stated that the performer, who is a principal dancer, is actually incredibly humble. With humility, one will constantly be motivated to improve while knowing the golden mean between arrogance and timidness.
Master said,
“Some are more capable when it comes to one thing, others with another—you definitely shouldn’t let your thoughts run wild based on that. You say that you have such great abilities and so on and so forth, but that was all bestowed upon you by the Fa! Actually, it wouldn’t work if you failed to attain that level of abilities. Fa-rectification required your wisdom to reach that point, so you definitely shouldn’t think that you’re so capable.” (Teachings Given On Lantern Festival Day, 2003)
Everything that I have accomplished in cultivation, dance, academics, and so on, was given to me by Master. I made a lot of effort to improve all these years, but it was actually Master who bestowed upon me what I have. Everyone around me is also constantly trying to improve and accomplish the same goal I have. What is there to be arrogant about?
After I began to think this way, it became easier to keep a calm state of mind in dance class and focus during other classes. It also helped with keeping me focused during Fa study, the exercises, and sending righteous thoughts since I no longer kept thinking about my accomplishments. I was able to care less about what others think of me and was able to help others simply for the sake of helping others. I also noticed that many aspects of my dance started to look worse than before. My previous arrogant state tricked me, making me see myself as being perfect in the mirror.
But, after this experience, whenever I see myself dance, I realize that I still have so many issues to address. I still struggle a lot with this problem, but now I know that whenever I do anything, I cannot have any impure motive behind it. In this case, I should be able to step back when necessary and improve purely for the sake of improving. Only when my mind is in this state, can I achieve the best outcome.
Staying Diligent Upon Entering College
I graduated from Northern Academy of the Arts in 2023. I had become accustomed to that environment and way of life, living with the same schedule and habits every day for almost 5 years. This usually included a set time for daily exercise, Fa study, and sharing with others. Over the course of my time at Northern Academy, I felt I had become increasingly diligent and took my cultivation seriously.
However, everything suddenly seemed to go downhill when I started college. It became more difficult to wake up in the morning to do the exercises, and I kept feeling the need to sleep more. I would often tell myself, “I’ll just do it later in the day,” when in reality I would wait all the way until nighttime, or even forget about it for that day. It was also difficult to find time for Fa study given my busy schedule, and when I could, I would have trouble focusing and taking in what I was reading. Overall, I felt myself getting lazier and began to view cultivation as a formality.
I asked myself, “Why is my cultivation state suddenly so different? Why don’t I feel as diligent as I did in high school?” At that moment, I recognized my problem. For a long time, I was in charge of the Northern Academy Dafa Club, and I had an obligation not just to participate in group exercise and Fa study, but also constantly improve myself. A lot of my friends and fellow artists also took their cultivation seriously. Wanting to accomplish the same goal of going to Shen Yun, I took it as motivation to stay diligent. In general, the environment I was in was one of diligent cultivation and improvement, and there was always a clear difference in demeanor of those who were diligent and those who weren’t. It was merely external factors that drove me to cultivate well. College, however, is about learning to make your own decisions and controlling yourself. Now that I did not have these factors pushing me, I simply grew lax. It’s safe to say that for this entire time, I was not genuinely cultivating with my heart.
Even after I realized this problem, I would use excuses such as a busy schedule, dance training, or volunteer work as the reason why I still didn’t improve. Fearing being judged by others, I kept this problem to myself.
During the first semester, my roommate would often tell me that I had not done the exercises enough, and would encourage me to wake up early to complete at least an hour of the exercises. At first, I was confused, since my roommate hardly knew what my schedule was, and didn’t think he had the right to tell me that. But, I quickly turned my attitude around, understanding it as Master’s signal to me to let go of laziness. In fact, it wasn’t just a reminder to do the exercises, but that I needed to be more sincere in every aspect of my cultivation.
I tried to start returning to the diligent state I had before, requiring myself to do at least the Fa study, do the exercises, and send righteous thoughts every day. But, I would still find myself being on and off. I did some self-reflection over this last winter break, trying to dig out the root cause of my problem. One day, I read a line in Zhuan Falun that stood out to me.
Master said,
“What’s the use of your kowtowing and worshiping your master if once you step out the door you still conduct yourselves as usual and do whatever you want among everyday people, competing and fighting for your fame or personal interest?” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
It occurred to me that I was behaving similarly to what Master was talking about. I would come to Fa study, read with everyone, and then just leave without really remembering what I had just read. This was still taking Fa study as a mere formality, as I was just reading the Fa, but not genuinely studying it. My understanding is that since I was not deeply rooted in the Fa, the old forces used it as an excuse to make me lazy and think unnecessary things at unnecessary times.
To read the Fa is one thing, but to genuinely understand and take in everything that I read, and apply it to my life is another thing. Doing the exercise movements to the music compared to doing it all with the right mindset are also two different things.
Once I came back from taking a break, I told myself, “Everything you read during Fa study, regardless of the topic, is all Master’s Fa, and will be helpful for you somehow. From now on, you must understand exactly what you are reading, each and every sentence must be clear.” This new attitude proved effective in the proceeding months.
For example, there are many sections in Zhuan Falun that I didn’t quite understand before, especially in lectures five and eight, because I didn’t know how it was related to my personal cultivation, I would usually blank out while reading these sections. However, during spring break, I was able to read two lectures of Zhuan Falun each day with a small group. I thought it was a perfect opportunity to fix this problem, and it was. I did not feel lost when reading these sections anymore and could understand how it all ties back to my cultivation.
Through genuine Fa study, my overall faith in Master and Dafa has strengthened, as I am more clear concerning my mission, and what it means to be a Fa-rectification period Dafa practitioner. I am grateful to Master for giving me this opportunity to become ever more diligent.
Conclusion
In my understanding, college is a time for kids to make the transition into adulthood, to discover who they truly are, and remake their old selves. This year alone, I feel my experiences have led me to become more diligent than ever, and that I am truly taking the next big step in my cultivation. Now that I’m in college, I believe this is where I must further solidify my faith in Dafa. I am especially grateful to Master for having me come to Fei Tian College Middletown, where I will have the never-ending support of fellow practitioners as I continue my cultivation.
My understanding is limited. Please kindly correct anything that is not in line with the Fa.
Thank you Master and fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2024 Fei Tian College-Middletown Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference)
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