I Found My Attachment of Jealousy

(Minghui.org) I work in a first-tier city and have been cultivating Falun Dafa on my own. Every holiday, regardless of its duration, I returned to my hometown. Whenever I went back, my mother arranged for us to meet with other practitioners to exchange cultivation experiences. I cherished the precious times with other practitioners, and I am grateful for the compassionate arrangements made by our great Master. Thank you, Master!

This year has passed particularly fast, and it is already 2024. When I was writing this sharing article, there was still over a month before we would take a break from work for the Lunar New Year holiday starting on February 10, 2024. My father called and asked if he should come to my city where my younger sister and I live for the holiday, or if we will return to our hometown. My younger sister has two children and originally planned to spend the holiday in our hometown. However, I guessed that my father wanted to come to our city. He said he would remain here after the holiday until his grandsons (my sister’s children) returned to school, so he could spend an extra two weeks with us. My sister was very happy to hear this.

My father and my sister were talking on the phone every day, planning the schedule for the holiday. I was a bit puzzled, “Why are they suddenly deciding to come here? Wouldn’t my mother prefer to spend the holiday at home, as usual?” In the evening, I called my father, and he told me, “We haven’t made a final decision yet. Let’s wait for your sister to decide.” I thought to myself, “Why is she the one to make the decision? Why should we all listen to her?” I asked my father, “Can I give my opinion?” He immediately said, “No, just follow the others’ arrangements.” A few days later, my sister asked me what I thought. I said, “It’s fine either way. It doesn’t matter where we spend the holiday. You make the decision.” She told me, “Mother agreed to come here too. You can go back to our hometown next year.”

I didn’t want to make them unhappy, so I said it’s okay wherever we spend the holiday, but I actually wanted to go back to our hometown and looked forward to this holiday. Then I thought about not being able to meet with other practitioners during the holiday and having to stay in my rented place all the time. Even though I live in the same community as my younger sister, I can’t go to her place to help her every day, and my parents would be mostly with me. I felt that my father is so biased, only thinking about his younger daughter, without considering my feelings, his elder daughter. But I thought I would just accommodate them for these few days, even though I have to give up the chance to go to our hometown to meet with other practitioners. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

After a while, as my mood calmed down a bit, I suddenly thought, “I shouldn’t blame others. From their perspective, my father does not like to visit relatives and give gifts during the holiday, and my younger sister wants help from our parents.” I tried to look inward to find what attachment of mine contributed to this situation.

I visited the Minghui website, but after reading two articles, I lost access to the website. One of the two articles was about the issue of jealousy. I knew that nothing happens to a cultivator by chance. My mother, who is also a cultivator, had mentioned several times in the past that I had a jealous heart, but I often denied it, thinking I could tolerate others’ success. Master must have seen I hadn’t gotten it, and used this particular situation to enlighten me, I knew I really needed to look inward more deeply.

I suddenly recalled a thought that had flashed through my mind, “I usually went to my sister’s home after work to help take care of her children and cook. I also took out the trash for her when I left, trying to help her with as much as possible with the household chores to make her life easier. Starting tomorrow, I won’t go to her place anymore, so she will value me more when she lacks my help.” Isn’t this thought resentful? Isn’t this heart of mine jealous? Jealousy leads to resentment, which is evil. My sister usually takes care of her two children, and lately the younger one has had a fever and been crying, keeping her up all night. I complained that she was selfish, but am I not selfish? In this matter, all I thought about was myself—wanting to go to our hometown, wanting to meet with the other practitioners, feeling sorry for myself in this rented home, it’s all about “me.” Although I blamed my sister for being selfish, it’s actually me who is selfish.

I thought about how, as a cultivator, I shouldn’t be the same as ordinary people. I should display the demeanor of a cultivator. I had also thought about how to be a bit colder to my sister. My mind was torn between good and evil, and I even considered just going back to my hometown by myself for the holiday. But where is my home? Suddenly, a voice in me said, “Heaven is your home, where countless sentient beings are waiting for you.” Tears welled up in my eyes. Yes, heaven is my home, I am a Dafa cultivator assisting Master in rectifying the Fa. I made a vow to Master, and I will eventually return home with Master. The things in the human world are fleeting, and I shouldn’t get too caught up in them.

I had thought that my father was biased, and I wanted the same care from my parents and felt unbalanced when I did not get it, which actually reflects the fact that my path of life, fate, and blessings are different with others like my sister. What I would get is different, and I cannot force others to treat me the same as someone else. Feeling resentful when being treated poorly or differently by others is sentimentality and jealousy. My mind gradually became clear. I became less attached to outcomes, and I decided to go with the flow. It was almost midnight, I prepared to send righteous thoughts.

I went to my sister’s home the next morning as usual and did not mention the matter about the holiday, and I could sense her slight surprise at my silence on the matter. Just after lunch at work, my mother called and asked me what I thought, noting my calmness on the matter. I replied, “The final decision hasn’t been made yet, and it is inconvenient to talk about it on the phone.” She said she understood my initial plan of going back my hometown, and she felt relieved after learning about my attitude. Right after we ended our call, my sister called and said she decided to spend the holiday in our hometown, as she did not want to make me unhappy.

With the matter being resolved, I now can go to our hometown for the holiday, where I can communicate with other practitioners, which made me very happy.

In this matter, once I had the intention to look inward, Master enlightened me, and Master’s Fa came to mind, granting me wisdom. I also made a determination that no matter how bad my mood is, no matter how painful it was to examine myself, I needed to have the intention to look inward, because this intention is righteous. With righteous thoughts, Master will bless me and grant me wisdom.

Master said:

“Study the Fa and gain the Fa,Focus on how you study and cultivate,Let each and every thing           be measured against the Fa.Only then, with that,           is it actually cultivation.”(“Solid Cultivation” in Hong Yin)

Only by achieving this will there be a breakthrough after hardship! I have found my attachments, including jealousy, selfishness, and competitiveness. However, I haven’t truly reached the point of turning hardship into joy. The time for cultivation is limited, and in the coming period I will need to study the Fa more and well, cultivate myself, and save more sentient beings.