Letting Go of Sentimentality and Breaking Through Sickness Karma

(Minghui.org) Ms. Wang and I studied the Fa and clarified the truth together. I thought we got along quite well. She was my go-to person if I needed help with making decisions. I asked her to come to my apartment every day for Fa study. She never complained. However, she sometimes arrived late. While waiting for her, irritation and resentment would brew inside me.

Over time, I began to feel hostile toward Ms. Wang. I made an appointment with her and arrived late on purpose just to show her how I felt. Sometimes, I said to her, “Be on time” or “Be strict with yourself” to express my dissatisfaction. She never talked back. This situation lasted for two years.

One day Ms. Wang came to my home. She stood by the door and told me that she would not come to my place again. She turned around and left. Her decision was sudden and unexpected. My mind went blank, as I felt I had lost my go-to person for support. I did not know what to do and did not want to go out either; I sat on the bed and cried all morning.

Noticing my dependence on Ms. Wang, I went out in the afternoon. I had no interest in doing anything; my mind was not on clarifying the truth, but on looking for Ms. Wang. I hoped I would see her out on the street. Life was miserable without her for the next few days.

During those few painful days, my sentimentality, dependency, jealousy, a tendency to look up to other practitioners, and self righteousness that had emerged in the two years I spent with Ms. Wang became clear to me. I knew all those thoughts were bad, and the fault was mine. However, when Ms. Wang’s name was mentioned, I still spoke ill of her.

Later on, I felt physically unwell. My righteous thoughts got weaker. Other practitioners studied the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts with me, which helped somewhat, but not completely.

I stayed at another practitioner’s home for a few days, hoping she could help me send forth righteous thoughts. My thinking was that, since the evil was trying to harm me, eliminating it with strong righteous thoughts was the answer. However, I overlooked searching within and eliminating attachments. As a result, I still held onto anger toward Ms. Wang. There was no improvement after other practitioners and I spent the whole night sending forth righteous thoughts.

The next morning, I visited our local coordinator. Our coordinator asked more practitioners to help me send forth righteous thoughts. Many evil elements were eliminated, and the chill that had engulfed my body disappeared, but I still felt unwell.

Two practitioners studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts with me during the day. In the evening, I joined another study group. My condition lasted more than a year. My daily sending forth righteous thoughts were entirely focused on my physical discomfort and my attachment to recovery. I rarely went out to clarify the truth anymore.

A practitioner pointed out my attachment to physical discomfort, that I should not think about it, and just focus on what a cultivator ought to do. She was right. Yet, I resented her: I felt that she did not understand me, and was not helping me. I was asking her to send righteous thoughts for me, while holding a grudge against her. I was happy when she did what I asked of her, and was disappointed and complained if she didn’t.

I reached out to many fellow practitioners. Some pointed out my loopholes with compassion, some helped me selflessly, and some gave me stern advice. Eventually, I made up my mind that I should study the Fa and send forth righteous thoughts at home. After that, I would go out to clarify the truth by myself. Gradually, I stopped paying so much attention to my health. Even when I did feel discomfort, I took it lightly. And I did whatever I needed to do, undistracted. The Fa went into my heart when I studied. I also continued to memorize the Fa. My attachments, such as resentment, depending on others, sentimentality, and jealousy were eliminated as they surfaced. My physical health returned to normal without my realizing it.

This tribulation should not have happened. It was due to my own unsteadiness in cultivation. I was holding on to sentimentality and my sense of self without considering others. My thoughts of resentment, dependency, and jealousy attracted the tribulation. I was unable to devote myself to saving sentient beings. Furthermore, I was an interference for other practitioners. Dafa’s boundless power guided me back on track. Keeping pace with Master’s Fa-rectification, I am back on the path of helping Master to save more sentient beings.

I feel guilty about the way I treated Ms. Wang. By stubbornly insisting on my own ideas and planning without consideration for others, I caused a lot of inconvenience for Ms. Wang. She was forgiving and quietly tolerated my criticism. But I never thought about the situation from her perspective. Her husband works in another city. She takes care of her 90-year-old mother-in-law by herself. Her mother-in-law is a vegetarian, so Ms. Wang cooks her a nutritious vegetarian dish for every meal. Ms. Wang has been taking care of her mother-in-law like she was her own mother for the past thirty years.

Ms. Wang is kind and generous. She tolerated my selfishness and rudeness. She never tried to hurt my feelings. However, my competitiveness and unreasonable attitude often hurt her.

I wept for what I had done. With my mind made up to sincerely apologize to Ms. Wang, I visited her. I told her: “It was all due to my selfishness that I hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Let’s all find our attachments and mistakes, correct ourselves, renew our Fa study together, and cooperate and work together to clarify the truth and assist Master to save more sentient beings, fulfilling our mission.