Passing a Test of Life and Death after Nine Years

(Minghui.org) I grew up in a CCP (Chinese Communist Party) official’s family. I pursued power since I was a child, and I was only friends with people who had power. When I was young, I worked as a model and started a business. I did all kinds of nasty things, but I did not take drugs. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I spent my days having fun and drinking.

My health deteriorated. I had fluid in my right kidney and bladder problems. I often vomited and fainted for no reason. I also had heart disease, stomach problems, and gynecological problems. I went to the hospital often. I felt that life was meaningless.

The Miracle of Dafa

In 2001, someone gave me a Dafa book. However, I put it down after reading only a few pages. I didn’t understand what cultivation was, and I wasn’t interested in practicing. 

One day in the spring of 2004, I mimicked a practitioner’s movements as she did the exercises. I experienced something amazing even though I was not interested in practicing. My celestial eye opened, and I saw Falun. Some were transparent, and some were colorful. I saw Falun spinning and flashing above my head and around my body. I saw I was surrounded by a bright energy field. I saw other dimensions and how gods came to this world. I also saw the long process of Master saving me from hell because I had fallen so deep.

I was amazed by what I saw with my celestial eye. There are Gods in this world! What I saw hit my power-seeking heart like an electric shock. I realized the atheism the CCP taught were all lies. That day, I decided to start practicing. I often told people or practitioners that if my celestial eye hadn’t opened, I wouldn’t have practiced. I admire those practitioners who can’t see anything in other dimensions, but still firmly practice.

After I began practicing, I had symptoms of a cold for three days. Then all my illnesses were gone, and my body felt light. I was so happy!

Soon after I started practicing, some people asked me for 30 million RMB. I had earned that money by improper means. I realized I shouldn’t have done it and willingly gave them the money.

My Stubborn Husband Changes

My husband was a big Japanese man. He was fluent in Chinese and English, and worked in a high-tech company. He had a bad temper.

When I first practiced, he feared my cultivation might affect his career as he interacted with high-ranking Chinese officials, so he threatened to divorce me. I said, “I won’t give up even if I die.”

Before practicing, I couldn’t walk for more than 15 minutes when my husband and I took a walk. I became healthy after practicing. He once joked with me about wrestling, and when we did I easily won. He was amazed at the miraculous effect of Dafa. My husband witnessed Dafa’s amazing ability to resolve illnesses and he stopped trying to make me quit practicing.

My Husband Gets a Chance

About ten years ago, my husband was diagnosed with the late stage cancer. He was too weak for surgery. 

I advised him to say the nine special words (Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness, Compassion Forbearance are good) since medical treatment could not save him. He agreed. A miracle occurred and his condition improved. A few days later the attending physician told him he was well enough for surgery. We were all happy. However, when I reminded him to continue saying the nine words, he laughed and said I was stupid and that the hospital cured him. I thought, “It’s over if he doesn’t believe that Dafa saved him.”

The night he died I dreamed he came to say goodbye. He looked sad and pale. I could not help but sigh. Human beings are so weak and vulnerable to disease, no matter how talented, intelligent, or powerful they are.

Cultivation Is Serious

I realized that practitioners will only do well if they follow the Fa’s principles. Cultivation is hard. Many practitioners read the Fa and do the three things diligently. They go to scenic spots to tell people about the persecution, distribute newspapers, and do various projects. However, doing things is not cultivating. Cultivating and improving one’s character is far more challenging than physical exertion. As practitioners, we must cultivate every thought and measure our words and deeds with Falun Dafa’s teachings.

For years, I did not cultivate seriously. I had various attachments that I couldn’t let go. I often made mistakes. As a result, those attachments became stronger and therefore harder to remove.

Around 2012, my mouth, ears and nose often bled. The bleeding lasted about ten months every year for the past nine years. At one point I bled for eighteen months. Painless bleeding is a serious medical condition, and my husband died from it in two years.

My symptoms looked worse than his. At first, I felt helpless. I knew my attachments invited persecution. I felt bad about not cultivating seriously. There were times when I lost confidence. I said to the beings in heaven, “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I won’t be able to go back. Master, thank you for being so compassionate to me. I was so polluted, yet you still took care of me. You have done so much for your disciples and endured so much. The fact that I haven’t cultivated diligently is my greatest regret.”

Finally Breaking Through

Once or twice a year, I went through a dangerous period. I usually didn’t ask Master for help. I felt that Master has done so much for us, there were the things we knew about and many things we didn’t know about. I didn’t want to burden Master. But when my situation became critical, I shouted, “Master, save me! Falun Dafa is good! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” The effect was immediate.

Once, my situation was terrible. I couldn’t read the Fa and had no energy to do the exercises. I was terrified, and I went to the hospital. However, I saw some ghosts waiting there when I arrived, as if they knew I was coming. I was frightened.

I went home and wondered, “Why did I panic so much? Because I was afraid to die. Why am I afraid of dying? I’m worried that my family members can’t take it.”

I thought, “It is unnecessary to worry about it. If I die, I’ll leave a message for my family that I was in a remote place where I had no phone signals. My ashes can be scattered into the sea, and that’s it.” I felt very relaxed with this thought.

I told myself, “Calm down, stop thinking, read the Fa carefully, line by line, and send righteous thoughts.”

In the next few days, I studied the Fa paragraph by paragraph and then sent righteous thoughts. I also tried not to think of anything. I passed the dangerous period.

In those days, I saw many evil beings in other dimensions. I knew they could persecute me as long as I acknowledged their existence, so I ignored everything I saw.

I realized I should not be affected by the surrounding environment, whether in this world or in other dimensions. 

I have been displaying boards with information about Falun Dafa at an intersection. At first, some people objected, and the police came, but I was determined. At the same time, I strengthened my righteous thoughts. I dressed properly, was kind to everyone and was not stopped by interference. Gradually, people’s attitudes toward me changed, and they often greeted me warmly. Some Chinese guides who didn’t know the truth asked the local police not to let me hang the display board, but the police just came to take a look and then left.

Do Not Waste Any Time

I started my day by doing exercises, and I did three things every day. As long as I did the exercises in the morning, I felt energetic throughout the day.

I often talk to the Chinese tourists about Falun Dafa at tourist spots. I persevered in all weather, summer or winter. I had to ride my bicycle with newspapers, materials, display boards and stands for hanging the display boards. But I didn’t feel tired, even though I often had symptoms of heavy bleeding. Sometimes I thought an ordinary person would have collapsed. I always reminded myself, “I’m a practitioner. I am doing a great thing to help more people know the truth. Ordinary people’s reasoning doesn’t work for me.”

When I felt a little tired, I sent righteous thoughts, and I recovered soon. I was amazed by the supernatural power of Dafa, which allowed me to live a normal life no matter how serious my situation appeared.

I never thought about what might happen. At the end of each day, I reflected on how well I did the three things. There were only two conclusions: If I didn’t do the three things well, then the day was wasted, and if I did what I should have done today, I didn’t live in vain.

I often looked at the Falun emblem on my wall. I saw the small Falun spin around me and emit white energy. I was so appreciative that Dafa gave me a new life. I was fortunate to obtain the Fa, which was enough.

One day last year, I asked myself, “What do you really want? Do you want the attachment? Or do you want to cultivate?” I told myself that I wanted to practice. I was determined to remove all my desires and attachments imposed on me since childhood. I was willing to suffer the pain of cutting off my desires. 

After I made this determination, the nine years of suffering came to a complete end.

Conclusion

Why did it take so long for me to pass the test? It was because I didn’t know how to cultivate genuinely, even though, on the surface, I did all the three things. I didn’t measure myself against Dafa’s requirements. I didn’t look within and remove my attachments, such as sentimentality, lust, and being competitive.

My cultivation state was good when I was in danger. But after the danger was over, my mindset soon changed back to an ordinary person’s level. I got angry when other people didn’t treat me well. I never solidly cultivated myself. I was aware of my attachments but didn’t try to remove them. I enjoyed the benefits Dafa brought me but didn’t want to put effort into becoming a better person by removing my notions and attachments.

Master is compassionate, but the Fa has standards. I often told the persecutors in China that they shouldn’t persecute practitioners just for being compassionate, good people. I realized that it was true for practitioners. Many times we forget that the Fa has standards for practitioners. Nobody can muddle through and expect a lucky break because cultivation is serious.

I realized that the attachments and human notions were like poison, and people were tasting it and enjoying it only to one day find out they were poisoned.

Practitioners should cherish the opportunity to cultivate and truly cultivate diligently. In this world, it was the most happiest thing to have Dafa and Master’s guidance. We won’t be easily moved by human notions and attachments if we can remember this.

When we encounter difficulties, if we look inward, eliminate the attachment, and send forth righteous thoughts, everything will be fine.

Today, when I look back at how I cultivated over the past ten years, I have a lot of regrets. I can’t turn back the clock. I can only cherish the days to come and be a true and humble practitioner.