(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I have been practicing Falun Dafa for more than 20 years. I have not experienced any major persecution. Most of my xinxing cultivation had to do with family conflicts. I want to share how I follow the principles of Falun Dafa to improve myself and eliminate my attachments.
Cultivation in the Family Environment
I was not happy with my marriage. I always thought that my husband didn’t treat me well. I had a fulltime job and three children to take care of. But my husband never helped me do housework or showed that he cared about me. He often got drunk and came back home late at night. Sometimes he didn’t come home at all. We often blamed each other and also hurt each other. My mother-in-law didn’t like me either. She often faulted me for doing things wrong and pulled a long face at me. At times I felt that I was at my limit of physical and mental endurance.
Sometimes I thought of divorce or running away from my family. However, as a Falun Dafa practitioner, I knew it was wrong to run away from conflicts. Instead, I knew that I should take it as an opportunity to improve myself. I started to look within to find out the reasons why I felt so hurt.
Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) said,
“In cultivation, there may be two scenarios when dealing with specific conflicts or when others treat you badly. One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life. You feel in your heart that it is unfair, “How can this person treat me like this?” Then why did you treat this person that way in the past? You might claim that you actually did not know it at that time, and this lifetime has nothing to do with another lifetime, but that won’t do.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Master already told me that everything has a cause. I need to repay what I owe. But why was I still in so much pain? What made me feel that it was painful? I looked deep inside. Suddenly I understood why – I hoped that my husband and mother-in-law would understand my situation and treat me well; I hoped that they would love me and praise me; and I hoped that I would have a harmonious family.
But as a practitioner, my pursuit in life should be different. I should work on myself no matter how others treat me. Any difficulty I encounter is a good opportunity to improve myself. I determined that I should not always focus on myself, but should put myself in other’s shoes, and not blame others but empathize with them.
I started to change myself. I educated and took care of our children with great patience. When I saw my husband playing with his cellphone on the bed while I was doing housework, I was not upset anymore. I told myself, “Focus on whatever I should do and do not be bothered by others.”
When my husband failed to do the things I asked him to, I didn’t blame him as before. Instead, I quietly got things done by myself. I stopped arguing with my mother-in-law when she was accusing me. I tried my best to make her happy without feeling aggrieved.
Soon I became truly understanding of my husband and my mother-in-law. My husband was under great pressure at work. When he was at home, he just wanted to completely relax without having to do anything. My mother-in-law is at an advanced age but she was still willing to help me with the housework. I should appreciate her help. I let go of myself and no longer demanded that they be good to me.
My change led to their changes. The atmosphere at home is much warmer now. Practicing cultivation in Dafa is wonderful.
Getting Along with My Brother-in-law’s Family
My family and my brother-in-law’s family have a lot of financial disputes. Although I ended up giving his family our share of the inherited house and land, I always thought that we were being taken advantage of.
There is a line in Master’s poem “Being a Human”: “One who is for gain disavows family...” (Hong Yin)
I realized that my thought was not right. My resentment and jealousy was caused by my attachments to material gain. When my brother-in-law got what he wanted, I should be happy for him. I felt relaxed after letting go of my attachments.
There were many trivial incidents that turned out to be good opportunities to improve my xinxing. Once, we had a family gathering at my mother-in-law’s house. When everyone was at the dinner table, I was helping take care of my niece’s baby. When it was my turn to eat, there was almost nothing left. I was very unhappy. I started to search within. I hoped people would be thinking of me and respect me. I wanted my kindness to be rewarded. And I was still obsessed with delicious food. If I couldn’t calmly accept anything I encountered, I couldn’t reach the state of being selfless. Every attachment is an obstacle on my cultivation path.
After I realized my problem and let go of my attachment, I felt uplifted and I am able to treat my brother-in-law’s family sincerely.
Eliminating Attachments with My Sister
Since my marriage was unpleasant, I valued my bond with my parents and sisters even more. But they didn’t feel the same way and did things to me that made me feel hurt. I was disheartened and felt that nothing in the world was reliable.
Unlike me, who has financial difficulties and has to rent a house, my sister is wealthy and owns many houses and stores. She and her husband always looked down on me. I didn’t take their attitude to heart, and never thought of taking advantage of their wealth.
Once, my sister was hospitalized after she broke her leg. I went to the hospital to take care of her and cleaned her up. I took the opportunity to talk about Falun Dafa to her, and she agreed that Falun Dafa is good. Right after she was discharged, she resumed her arrogant attitude toward me. She mocked me and discriminated against me in her words and actions. I was sad.
Master said,
“The Buddhist school takes human matters lightly, and in its view, who knows how many parents a person has had over his many lifetimes. Only when you let go of all such attachments and cultivate with a quiet and calm mind can you meet with success.” (“In the Dao Without Cultivating the Dao,” Zhuan Falun Volume II)
I asked myself why my sister always treated me like this. I found that I actually had a similar mentality as hers, which was hidden deeply inside. I thought that I was always the giving side and that I did much better than others. I was proud to be a Dafa practitioner and looked down on those who didn’t practice Dafa. My sister’s behavior was a mirror reflecting my internal prejudice. I also found that I was attached to home ownership, with the rationale that if I had a better living situation, I would do better in my cultivation. But that’s another attachment.
Why did my sister always mock my financial situation? Because I had the attachment to fame and benefit. I thought that if I had more money, I could clarify the truth better. This was an incorrect notion. We should inspire sentient beings to have good thoughts, rather than enticing them with benefits and favors.
I also realized that I shouldn’t be obsessed with family affection, be it towards myparents, siblings, spouse or children. Instead, I should treat them equally, as I should treat all beings. Only then can I develop compassion and be truly kind to people.
Enlightenment
The universe is rich and colorful because of all the various lives and states of existence at different levels. I should treat all lives with tolerance and compassion, without demanding things from them. All I can do is to purify myself and improve myself according to the guidance of Falun Dafa, and try my best to guide sentient beings to value virtue and kindness.
The old universe where I came from is based on selfishness. Only by getting rid of the shell of selfishness can I elevate my level and experience the ease of mind and body and the beauty of cultivation. I should always keep a humble heart.
Please kindly point out anything not in line with the Fa.
Copyright © 2023 Minghui.org. All rights reserved.
