When I Found My Hidden Attachments, the Excruciating Pain in My Back Disappeared

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa five and a half years ago. On January 5, 2022 when my eight-year-old son and I were in the attic packing up the Christmas decorations, an excruciating pain pierced my lower back. Within seconds, the pain became so severe that I couldn’t move. I tried to walk a few steps back to the sitting room. I had the thought that this was the symptom of a slipped disc. 

I painfully leaned against a cabinet. Even the smallest movement of my upper body caused severe pain. I couldn’t bear it and screamed. My family members watched me helplessly. I put my hands on the cabinet crying so hard that my husband hurriedly closed the window. 

I decided to go to the bedroom half an hour later despite the difficulty. My bedroom was just next door, but it took me 20 minutes to get to my bed. I lay down in agony. 

Looking Inward while in Excruciating Pain

What was wrong with me? I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was very healthy. Why the pain? In my mind I asked Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) for help. As the pain intensified, I tried to look within. I hadn’t practiced the fifth set of exercises for a long time because I couldn’t bear the pain in my legs while doing the meditation. Wasn’t this the pain that I had tried to avoid in the past several years?

I found my attachment to seeking comfort. I’d failed to practice the exercises in the morning for weeks. For a while, I got up at 3 a.m. and practiced the exercises for two hours. Then at 5 a.m. I read one lecture of Zhuan Falun with other practitioners. But I didn’t keep it up. When the alarm sounded at 3 a.m., I changed it to 5 a.m. and went back to sleep. I gave up the thought of practicing the exercises in the morning. I seldom practiced the exercises during the day because I was busy with work or other chores. I realized it was interference and that I should do the exercises and not seek comfort. But I failed to put it into action. 

I even thought of lying in bed for an entire day to have a good sleep. 

So now my thought came true. I was lying in bed. But I was not able to turn my body. It was truly as Master said, “...good or evil comes from a person’s spontaneous thought.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

The old forces had obviously noticed my attachment of seeking comfort and of not wanting to bear hardships. They wanted to prevent me from doing the three things. Or was this arranged by Master to point out that I should be more diligent in cultivation?

I didn’t know which answer was correct. Due to the pain I was unable to focus when sending forth righteous thoughts or looking within. I asked other practitioners to support me with righteous thoughts. At the same time I listened to Master’s audio lectures and kept repeating “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I was so tired that I fell asleep. 

I woke up in the early hours of the next morning. When I tried to get up and go to the bathroom, I felt like there was a dagger in my spine. I tried to slowly pull myself up by holding onto the bed frame. As soon as I got to a certain position, I collapsed in pain.

My husband came to help me. He tried to pull me up but failed. I screamed in pain. Should I call an ambulance? I couldn’t bear it anymore. But I dropped the thought of seeing the doctor. 

After three hours I finally made it to the bathroom. I remembered that one practitioner told me she had severe pain when urinating due to an infection. She realized that she was eliminating karma and she endured it. I was far behind her. Even worse, I was fighting with the pain. The pain was getting worse. 

Acknowledging Jealousy and Getting Rid of It

After I returned to my bedroom, I sent forth righteous thoughts. My pain eased a bit. I suddenly came out of my body and watched myself as I sent righteous thoughts. During the time I crawled from the bedroom to the bathroom and back, the old forces seemed to say, “Look. Does she want to be Dafa disciple? She can’t even endure such minor pain.” In my mind I saw Master frowning.

I felt like I had been struck over the head. I felt ashamed. Obviously I was not diligent in cultivation. I remained at a certain level. I looked within and tried to find where the problem was. 

Master said,

“Today I am telling practitioners that you should not keep yourselves in the dark without being enlightened to it. The goal that you intend to achieve is to practice cultivation toward high levels. The attachment of jealousy must be relinquished” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

At first I didn’t understand why this Fa appeared in my mind. When I looked within more, I found my attachment of jealousy which manifested in various ways. For example, when my husband was sound asleep at night while I still worked, I felt envious. I was also jealous of family members who vacationed together, as my life was arranged around Falun Dafa activities. 

Master said,

“Our practitioners are not this way, but exactly the opposite. We do not seek what everyday people want. Instead, what we get is something everyday people cannot obtain—even though they want to—except through cultivation practice.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

It was time for me to let go of my attachments to enjoying an everyday person’s life. I sent strong righteous thoughts and begged Master to help me. “Master, I know that I have jealousy. It is not part of my true self. These are human notions. Please help remove my jealousy.”

Instantly my back pain reduced considerably. I thanked Master for his hints and protection. 

Master Is Just Beside Me

I lay in bed for an entire day while listening to or reading the Fa. I talked to a practitioner over the phone. She told me that she often suffered from slipped discs when she was young but recovered after she practice Falun Dafa. 

I regarded this as Master encouraging me to practice the exercises more. I struggled to get out of the bed despite the pain. I leaned against the wardrobe so that I could stand up. Then I practiced the exercises. My hands could only reach my knees. But I was able to stand on my own while practicing the fourth exercise. My hands could reach my ankles when I did the exercises for the third time. 

After I finished the exercises, I looked within again. I remembered a scene from my childhood. When I was four or five years old, I suffered from an unknown disease. My parents took me to see the doctor in a children’s hospital. The doctor said that they would take my spinal fluid for testing. The night before the procedure I heard a voice telling me to leave the hospital because I was healthy. So I packed up my things and wanted to leave the ward with my teddy bear. But all the doors were locked. I started to shout loudly. The next day my parents took me home. 

Recalling this scene, I understood that Master was already with me at that time. He rescued me from the surgery even though I didn’t know there was Falun Dafa. Forty years later I found the book Zhuan Falun and started to practice Falun Dafa. 

I realized that I finally could dissolve the karma from my childhood through this suffering this time. At the same time, Master took this opportunity to help me recognize my own jealousy and my attachment to seeking comfort and eliminate my fear of hardships. It took me three days to achieve this painful realization. 

I hope that practitioners who avoid hardships and seek comfort like me can overcome the difficulties and eliminate their hidden attachments. 

This is my understanding at my current level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.