Letting Go of Subtle Human Notions

(Minghui.org) I am 86 years old, and obtained the Fa in 1997. During the more than 20 years of cultivation and given Master’s compassion, I have arrived on this day relatively smoothly. Recently I found that I still have many human thoughts, human notions, and emotions that are not easy to detect. I wish to share my findings with fellow practitioners.

I suddenly felt a needle prick in my lower back when I was sitting on the bed in the fall of 2022. Then, I experienced back pain and had difficulty standing. It didn’t hurt much when I was lying down, but it hurt when I stood up. My morning exercises were affected, and I couldn’t keep standing for all four sets of exercises.

So I carefully reviewed my recent words and actions and felt that it was probably caused by the resentment caused by my love for my elder sister.

My sister’s life was not easy. She helped a lot with farm work since she was young. After she got married, she had four children. Her husband worked away from home. Sometimes he didn’t come home for several days. He didn’t take care of the family, and was not good to my sister. Seeing my sister’s family was short on groceries and clothing, my younger brother and I often walked long distances to bring food to her and to help with her housework.

My sister didn’t enjoy any happiness in her life. When she got old, she lived in the children’s homes. Finally, she passed away from suffering a lot of illness. Thinking of the suffering my sister went through, I resented my brother-in-law.

Several nephews came to visit me during the Chinese New Year of 2022, which reminded me of my sister. I told my nephews about my sister’s difficulties and my brother-in-law’s neglect of the family. My nephews felt the same way and also blamed my brother-in-law. After the nephews left, I couldn’t calm down for a long time, which shows how strong my resentment was. But, I didn’t realize it at the time.

After I felt the back pain, I calmed down and looked inward, and found my resentment. Then, I worked on getting rid of my resentment, letting go of my feelings for my sister, and becoming indifferent to the karma between people. Gradually, my back pain lessened, and it didn’t hurt that much any longer. I basically resumed my normal exercise routine.

At the end of 2023 I thought: “The Chinese New Year is coming soon, my back is basically healed, I can do more housework, do some clean-up, and reduce the burden on the children.” I thought this in the morning, and my legs started to hurt in the afternoon. I was very puzzled. What human notion caused my leg pain? I looked inward and realized that my thought in the morning was not on the Fa. After my back pain healed, I didn’t think about validating the Fa and saving more people, but thought about living an ordinary life first. Wasn’t it a human notion?

From two recent sickness karma experiences, I realized the seriousness of cultivation. As a cultivator, any human notion will bring trouble to the cultivator. The leg pain has lasted for several months. It has eased after I found and let go of some attachments, but it has not fundamentally improved. My exercise is still affected, and I am not in the proper state of a cultivator. I must calm down and take a good look at myself to see if there are any areas that are not in compliance with the Fa.

I thought about the words and things I did in recent years and noticed I also was selfish. I had done a lot to help my sister when my nephews were young and I had a hidden thought which was that they ought to visit me as a payback. This was selfishness. I felt much more relaxed after I finding this subtle human notion.

On the following days I focused on cultivating my mind and worked hard to improve my character, and gradually my legs didn’t hurt as much.