(Minghui.org) My husband worked in the educational field after graduating from university. He is honest and upright, very stubborn, works conscientiously and is practical. Because he was born and raised under the communist regime, he is afraid of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
After the Cultural Revolution, he served as the director of the Education Department and was a Party secretary. He was thoroughly brainwashed and believed whatever the Party said. He refused to listen to me when I clarified the truth about the persecution or read any materials I gave him. He believed what he heard on the state-run media and repeatedly said disrespectful things about Master and Dafa.
He started to limit me from moving around freely. He began to ask where I got the truth-clarification materials from and refused to allow me to contact fellow practitioners. Later even the words Falun Dafa were not allowed to be mentioned. Whenever I uttered them, I was strictly reprimanded. Whenever I tried to clarify the truth, I was stopped and forbidden to speak. I totally lost the freedom of speech and spiritual belief in my own home.
The conflicts between us were getting deeper and deeper, and our relationship became tense. The atmosphere at home was tense and depressing, and a cold war of ten years began.
I knew my husband was kind, and I didn’t want to give up on him. His behavior was due to the fact that he listened to the CCP. I hoped that he would travel abroad and overseas practitioners would clarify the truth to him. He refused to go. My heart was full of sorrow and I harbored grievances against him. He was simply too stubborn, and so I completely gave up hope for his salvation.
Looking Inside Is a Magical Tool
Teacher said,
“Cultivation is about looking inside yourself. Whether you are right or wrong, you should examine yourself. Cultivation is about getting rid of human attachments.” (“Teaching the Fa at the City of Los Angeles”)
“Cultivation is about working on the human mind and heart; it is about cultivating oneself. Only when you are able to examine yourself, looking inward amid problems, conflicts, difficulties, or when being treated unfairly, is it true cultivation. And only by doing so will you be constantly improving, staying the right course on your cultivation journey, and progressing toward consummation!” (“A Congratulatory Letter to the Fa Conference of Taiwan” Team Yellow Translation)
When I continued studying the Fa, my mind became clearer. I began to realize that the reason my husband refused to accept the truth was because of me. I did not genuinely cultivate myself. It was my notions and my lack of looking inside that impeded my advancement in cultivation. I realized that as a cultivator, the most important thing to work on is to cultivate myself. If I want to change someone, I need to change myself first.
I really examined myself. I saw that every one of my attachments was filled with Party culture. The list of my attachments was very long, such as competitiveness, resentment, being indignant, and promoting myself. I also discovered that I didn’t like criticism and that I insisted on imposing my ideas on others. I had other attachments like being defensive, argumentative, narrow-minded, and often going to extremes. I easily hurt people. I always wanted to change others but never wanted to change myself, and so on.
What I found when I examined myself shocked me because I never realized that I had so much Party culture! When I complained about my husband, I should have seen that he was like a mirror which reflected all my shortcomings. I was very far away from the standard of being a Dafa disciple! I failed to meet the requirements of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
When I identified the poisonous elements of Party culture within myself I saw how much my true self had been covered up! The Party’s ultimate goal is to destroy humans. If I didn’t study the Fa and look inside, I would have never noticed any traces of the Party’s poison in me; they were so deeply rooted!
Teacher said,
“The greatest manifestation of shan is compassion, and it is an expression of tremendous energy. It can disintegrate all that is not right.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
Only when we, as Dafa disciples, cultivate compassion can we save people. The CCP’s goal is to destroy people. The competitive mentality is a classic example. In the past, when I clarified the truth, I was like a fighting rooster, constantly in the mode of picking a fight and wanting to win over others. Not only could I not save people, but I also stained the reputation of Dafa. I created more difficulties for myself when I failed to show a Dafa practitioner’s compassion. No wonder my husband rejected anything I said!
I truly understood that Dafa disciples needed to eliminate the Party culture and cultivate ourselves well.
Teacher said,
“I have told you previously that whether or not a Dafa disciple cultivates well determines his power to save sentient beings as well as his ability to be successful in fully cooperating, here in the human world, and things are being done there simultaneously---the pace of Fa-rectification is synchronized.” (“20th Anniversary Fa Teaching,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)
“For a Dafa disciple, cultivation is first priority. That’s because if you fail to cultivate well, you will not be able to accomplish what you are to do; and if you fail to cultivate well, your power to save sentient beings will not be that great. And if you cultivate a little worse, then you will view and consider problems in the manner that ordinary people do, which would be still more awful.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. XI)
After reading what Master said I understood that I wasn’t just a cultivator. I was entrusted with a historical responsibility and my mission was to cultivate myself well, as it was related closely to whether or not people were saved. We would not be able to fulfill our mission if we were just enthusiastic. We must rectify ourselves according to the Fa’s principles.
Changing Myself
How to change me? First of all, I began to speak with a soft tone. I didn’t put myself above my husband. I changed my behavior and way of thinking when I was with my husband. I learned to keep quiet and each time when there was a disagreement between us, I learned to look inside to see what I was attached to.
I decided to learn from traditional Chinese women: to be gentle, virtuous, kind and understanding. I showed him respect and always played a supporting role instead of the main role in the family. I wanted him to feel the warmth of the family and regain his self-esteem and self-confidence.
Whenever I felt it hard to sustain this and was about to complain, I told myself that complaining is a Party element. Eliminate it! When I encountered a problem, I no longer rushed to express my opinion and insist that I should be listened to. I reminded myself to guard my speech and not to say anything when I shouldn’t speak. I tried to be compassionate and maintain my composure.
At the same time, I strengthened my Fa study and constantly looked inside. I also sent righteous thoughts more frequently and for a longer period of time. I also read books such as the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, Dissolving Party Culture, and the Ultimate Goal of Communism.
Through the process, I could feel many attachments being eliminated. I no longer had the fighting mentality. Before, I could never acknowledge that I was wrong, but now, when I saw that I was at fault, I sincerely apologized to my husband.
I finally, truly understood that the process of clarifying the truth to my husband was the same as cultivating myself.
As I changed, the tension between my husband and me subsided and the atmosphere at home became harmonious. He began to speak to me. We even discussed some matters peacefully without arguing or fighting. When the opportunity arose, I clarified the truth to him.
Sometimes he reacted strongly to what I said, but I ignored his negative attitude and was not moved. Eventually, he didn’t object to me saying Falun Dafa is good. He listened when I exposed the Party’s lies, and he did not get angry when I said the Party was not good. When bad things were shown on television or evil songs were played, I asked him to switch to a different channel. He didn’t argue or fight back. It was inconceivable that he changed so much.
The changes in my husband attest to the boundless power of Dafa. It also shows that it is extremely important for a Dafa disciple to cultivate well because our cultivation is closely related to whether people are being saved. I no longer rely on overseas practitioners to clarify the truth to my husband!
I thank Master Li Hongzhi from the very bottom of my heart. I will continue my efforts and hope to do better and better.
Category: Improving Oneself
