Overcoming Fear While Cultivating in Prison
(Minghui.org) I was arrested and imprisoned for passing money with truth-clarifying information written on the bills.
Attachment to Fear
I did not know what to do after arriving in prison. I stopped doing the exercises when the guard told me I wasn't allowed to do them. One prisoner who understood the truth about Falun Dafa told me that I could practice the exercises during the rest period.
But the guards immediately stopped me. I felt helpless and started to recite as much as I could remember of the Fa. I was, however, able to clarify the truth to the inmates and guards and persuade them to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Most everyone agreed to withdraw.
I was later transferred to a different prison cell and was fortunate to meet a practitioner. We shared our cultivation experiences and recited the Fa together. He wrote down the Fa he remembered for me. One day he asked me to do the exercises with him.
I stared at him and said, “Are we allowed to?” He said it was okay as long as we ignored the guards. After we started, the guard who'd told me I wasn't allowed to do the exercises passed by and just ignored me.
That practitioner left a week later. I continued to do the meditation but not the other four exercises.
One day I noticed an old man teaching a younger one martial arts and a standing stance in the courtyard. They repeatedly practiced the standing stance for a few days and the guards never bothered them.
I thought to myself, “We also have the Falun Standing Stance. Why can't I do the exercises?” So I started to do all the exercises and was never again harassed by the guards.
Those things made me realize that I understood the Fa principles but could not overcome my fear when under pressure.
Clarifying the Truth of Dafa
Another practitioner from northeast China was detained in the same prison division. He did everything well, with righteous thoughts and actions. I felt ashamed compared to him. I also understood that a practitioner must meet the standard in every aspect of cultivation in order to perform well during the Fa-rectification.
This practitioner cultivated very well. This prison division used to be notorious for brutally persecuting Falun Dafa practitioners, and many had been injured and even persecuted to death several years before. People did not dare talk about Falun Dafa in the past. This practitioner did not cooperate with the guards and refused to do hard labor. He asked to only do some light labor. He handled this rationally and did not go to extremes.
He told me, “I could refuse to do any work at all. But I would only have limited access to others in order to clarify the truth to them. We should play the leading role to decide whether to do the labor or not.”
He used all kinds of ways to clarify the truth, such as hand-written materials and portable video players. He usually chatted with the person first and quickly found out what they liked or disliked.
He then targeted the person's interests and gave them the most appropriate materials. After that he also followed up with them to make sure the material was appropriate and then continued to provide them with other truth-clarifying information.
I learned a great deal from this practitioner. After he left, I felt great pressure and thought that I could never clarify the truth as well as he.
I felt very nervous while holding the hand-written Fa lectures or watching the portable video player. I asked a non-practitioner to save the truth-clarifying materials for me. Sometimes I even thought, “Let him save the materials. I don't want to have it (because it is dangerous).”
Getting Rid of Fear and Unrighteous Thoughts
As soon as I had unrighteous thoughts, something bad happened. When someone was using the portable video player, he accidentally damaged it. This very precious truth-clarifying tool was destroyed because of my fear. I struggled, became confused, and felt fear.
All the attachments slowed down my cultivation significantly. For a while I was torn by the feeling that I wanted to help Master to rectify the Fa but felt that I was not capable of doing it.
A prisoner in my prison cell reminded me, “You don’t sleep at night. That is not good.” Even a police officer noticed that I had lost weight. I felt desperate and even thought I could never get out of the prison. It is truly that “the appearance stems from the mind.”
Another practitioner I met inside the prison reminded me of Master's Fa,
“So the next time you are going through a real trial or tribulation, try to keep this in mind, and see if you can bear it. Or when faced with what seems impossible, and even if others say so, try to keep this in mind, and see if it might just be possible. I believe that if you can do that, you will always find that there is light at the end of the tunnel.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I eliminated my fear with this practitioners' help. I soon obtained another portable video player and used it to clarify the truth. During this process, I realized that many things scared me, all of which I needed to eliminate.
Although the evil persecuted Dafa practitioners and closely monitored them in prison, there were always ways to skirt them. I gradually eliminated my fear and my truth-clarifying ability improved.
“Transformation” is Useless
The evil did not let go of any chance to try and force me to give up my belief. They attempted to brainwash and “transform” me. When they threatened to bring my mother to the prison, I immediately thought of Master's Fa,
“Just imagine how hard it would be if a child or parent that you loved dearly, but who has passed away, visited you from the grave and asked you to do things that would be ruinous for you. Spiritual practice isn’t easy.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
The situation changed when I could consider things based on the Fa, and the evil failed. They then designated people to brainwash and “transform” me, and told me to watch the staged Tiananmen Square Self-Immolation video.
I pointed out to the person who was monitoring me the flaws in the staged event, such as that a person with burns would never been wrapped with gauze and that the fake practitioner in the video that did not even know how to meditate. He did not speak, but clearly my words touched his heart, and he thought over what I said.
The evil used all the tricks and they failed. They finally stopped trying to “transform” me.
After I got rid of my fear and assimilated to the Fa, I could feel Master increasing my wisdom. I could immediately remember the names that I could not remember before, and I could answer all sorts of questions.
I could use topics that the other person was interested in to help him better understand the facts. I understood that the real evils are the beings behind the person, not the person themselves.
Whether a person is good or bad does not depend on what they do, but on whether they can have righteous thoughts at the critical moment. I finally eliminated fear and had righteous thoughts and actions.
When I recalled my experience while in prison after I was released, I realized that I still did not do well with many things. But when I was assimilated within the Fa, Master strengthened me and I usually did everything well.