(Minghui.org) I am a young practitioner and have been cultivating for many years. I would like to share an experience I had in 2015 that still moves me emotionally.
Painfully Lost in My Desire to Be Beautiful
I had a very strong attachment to beautiful things, and I was obsessed with my looks and figure. Although I studied the Fa, I was not diligent in my cultivation. I was more interested in enjoying things of the ordinary world, including people and the Internet. And I had a lot of human notions.
From watching television and Internet programs, I saw how people had plastic surgery to make themselves more beautiful. And I became very interested in non-surgical cosmetic procedures such as injections of Botox, hyaluronic acid, etc. It seemed that the standard for beauty included having a high nose bridge, large eyes, a V-shaped face, and a slim figure.
I had massages at the beauty salon to lose weight, even though I was not overweight. I also had Botox injections to make my face slimmer and more V-shaped.
I did not realize that, by doing these things, I had deviated from Dafa.
My actions also did not conform to our Chinese traditions. There is an ancient Chinese saying: “Our bodies—every hair and bit of skin—are given to us by our parents, and we must not injure them. This is the beginning of filial piety and maintaining respect for one's parents, elders, and ancestors.”
I wanted to change what my parents gave me, so I was not being respectful of them. And as a practitioner with a historic mission, I was not in the Fa. The gods created the human body, and by changing my physical image, I was disrespecting the gods.
Despite my self-indulgence, Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, did not give up on me. Master pushed the toxins out of my body. I soon started to have acne on my porcelain skin, and it got worse. Acne appeared all over my face, secreting a yellow substance. They itched so much in the evening that I could not sleep. I scratched them until they started to bleed. My face swelled up, and I did not want to be seen. I realized that I had made a serious mistake.
A Great Change
My mother, who is also a practitioner, said to me, “You have only two choices. One: Believe in Master and the Fa. Walk on the path arranged by Master, look inward, expose your attachments, study the Fa, and negate the old forces' arrangements.
“Or two: Seek treatment at a hospital. The treatment might not cure your problem and could even destroy you. What you have is not an illness; it is toxin injected into your skin. Master is pushing it out of your body, and you must forbear the pain.”
I was so attached to my looks that I thought my world had collapsed. I felt so helpless. Practitioners continued to visit me at home to share their understandings with me. They encouraged me to have faith in Master and Dafa and to walk on the path arranged by Master. For me, it was like a test of life and death.
With the help of my family and other practitioners, I began to study the Fa better. It was difficult to read the books at first because I had drifted away from the standards of the Fa for a long time.
I started to read one or two lectures every day and look inward for my attachments. Eventually, I was able to read five or six lectures a day, and I looked within with a calm mind. I then discovered my attachments to reputation, self-interest, emotion, and lust. They were so deeply hidden that I could not see them.
Before this tribulation, I was so wayward. For example, I would not leave the house until I had put on makeup. I applied all kinds of skin products, hoping they would make my skin nicer. And I enjoyed hearing people compliment me on my skin, beauty, and nice figure. I also secretly took diet pills to keep my figure slim.
When I saw good looking people, I stared at them and envied their beauty. I would do anything to make myself more beautiful, and that was an attachment to lust. Although I denied having an attachment to lust, deep down I wanted to attract attention from the opposite sex and make other women jealous.
Such a filthy heart pulled me further and further away from the path to the divine. If I failed to get rid of such a filthy heart and the attachment to my outer image, I would never be able to shed the human shell and would forever remain a mortal.
As I gradually let go of these attachments, I stopped looking in the mirror constantly. I also let go of my attachment to pursuit (hoping Master would help me) while studying the Fa. Instead, I tried to change myself from within.
Besides studying Zhuan Falun, I read other lectures and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate human notions and thoughts that did not conform to the Fa. I wanted to return to my true self.
After I was diligent, Master removed the bad substances. My skin got better, and I was also no longer attached to using skin care products. I also woke up early every day to do the exercises.
A few months later, my skin became nice and smooth, even better than before. I knew that Master saved me and I was very grateful for it.
My friends and family could not believe what they saw. I had no scars on my face. Master endured everything for me and words could not describe my gratitude.
My Understanding Now
I have enlightened to the following after overcoming this tribulation:
We should study Dafa books daily and earnestly, measuring our thoughts and actions according to the Fa principles and correcting them immediately when they don't conform to them. And we should look inward when encountering problems. Don't postpone them until they become too large.
Moreover, we should have faith in Master and the Fa and negate the old forces' arrangements. This comes from studying the Fa with sincerity and believing unconditionally in Master's teachings. Do not try to interpret the Fa principles based on one's feelings, as the inner meaning of the Fa is infinite, and our understanding of the Fa is quite shallow.
We should also continue to send forth righteous thoughts when going through tribulations, and we should not get stuck in the situation when we are not able to find the attachment. For example, sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate all our attachments one by one when we cannot find the particular attachment that caused the tribulation. Just follow Master's instructions on how to send forth righteous thoughts, recite the words, and do not have any attachment to pursuing results.
When going through hardships, we should not dwell on our mistakes, which might make us unable to extricate ourselves from a difficult situation. Instead, rectify ourselves, and follow the requirements of Dafa. Master will not give up on any practitioner. After falling, get up and continue to cultivate well.
Additionally, we should always have concern for sentient beings and do the three things well. During my tribulation, I realized that I was a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple and had responsibilities. Therefore, I went out with my mother every afternoon to talk to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution, and we distributed informational materials.
To this day, I still have deep feelings about the experience, even though it happened two years ago.
Thank you, Master, for not giving up on me and for encouraging me to go forward. I feel ashamed for not doing the three things well earlier. For that, I still have some self-indulgent tendencies.
I again looked within intensely while writing this article. I still have some attachments to lust and wanting to look beautiful. I am exposing them here so that I can eliminate them. Every time I submit an article is an opportunity to elevate my cultivation level.
