(Minghui.org) Summer break of 2017 was drawing near when I asked Master in my heart, “Do you still accept me as your disciple? I have not studied the Fa for two years.” During those two years, I had became lost in the everyday world. I knew I needed to return to Falun Dafa practice, but I was heavily influenced at the time by fame, fortune, and sentimentality.
Lost in the World
I teach elementary school. The parents of my students often came to my office to complain. I was too shy to speak up, so I swallowed my pride and accepted their criticisms. I would be sad later, alone in my office. I often admired the teachers who spoke up and challenged the parents. They told me they were just protecting themselves.
I strived to become more like the other teachers, but in doing so I built a wall between myself and the parents. When a parent came to see me, I got defensive and was often rude. Sometimes I felt guilty for bullying them, especially when they were not being difficult, but I could hardly control myself and truly forgot I was a practitioner.
One of my students was beaten up by a group of other students. They apologized, but the child's parents were still distraught about how badly their child had been treated. When talking with the parents I acted as though they were exaggerating, and I criticized them. They became upset and we all argued. Later they took their grievance to the principal. I refused to accept the fact that I was wrong. I thought they were just making trouble for me on purpose.
I became weary of all this fighting. I knew deep down that it was wrong, and I wanted to be a practitioner again. As summer break neared, I spoke to Master in my heart, “Master I need help getting back on my cultivation path. I want to be your disciple.”
Returning to Cultivation
A practitioner soon came to visit me and encouraged me to return to Falun Dafa. So I read the Fa again. Master had not given up on me.
Since then, I have often said, “I will never leave cultivation again.” Yet, in the past, I did not know how to improve myself even though I studied the book every day.
Master wrote:
“Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa.Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation.”(“Solid Cultivation” from Hong Yin)
The Fa often came to my mind after I got myself centered. As I understand it, Master was guiding me on how to cultivate myself.
As I read a brochure titled “Remove Communist Party Culture,” I realized the reason why I thought it was okay to fight with parents in the past. It was because I was influenced by Party culture. Selfishness is not one of my natural qualities. As a practitioner, I needed to look within and not quarrel.
I had some dreams during which parents aggressively argued with me, but I remained calm and only smiled back.
I had removed the attachments to resentment and fighting, but sometimes a scenario of fighting against parents would emerge in my mind. I knew this was thought karma stimulating my mentality of fighting. I was not fooled, however. Dafa has broadened my mind.
In another dream, I was clarifying the truth to a friend. She said, “Based on your behavior, I cannot accept Falun Dafa.” In the same dream, I needed to cross a steep ravine by taking a bus. I was the last one to get on. When the bus passed the middle of the ravine, we saw a sale with many fancy bags available. Several young passengers jumped out of the bus to go purchase bags. They held up the bags with pleasure. But they could not get back on the bus and were stuck inside the ravine forever.
After I woke up, I realized that I was partial to famous-brand bags. By looking within, I found three more attachments: vanity, competition, and jealousy.
Master said,
“To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Zhuan Falun)
As a practitioner, I need to remove all kinds of attachments and think of others first. How could I convince people that Falun Dafa is so wonderful if I placed so much importance on such attachments?
Each thought is exposed in front of all gods in other dimensions, and every movement and action is observed by our friends and colleagues. We should validate the Fa through our behavior and words. Any improper thoughts are caused by attachments. Therefore, let us keep our thoughts righteous and cultivate back to our true selves.
Category: Improving Oneself
