(Minghui.org) As long as I could remember, I could see and feel more than I wanted to. When I was a small child, ugly, creepy dwarves sat on the edge of my bed at night and watched me. During the day, I saw shadows scurrying by and people surrounded by black, cloud-like haze. I often felt that I was not alone in the room. That scared me, and I had no one to talk to about it.
It got even worse during my puberty. When I slept–and later when I was awake–dark beings came and pressed on me. I could not defend myself. I could not speak. I was absolutely immobilized. Panic controlled me.
When these beings left me, I felt very, very weak, and my abdomen and lower back hurt. Once, they even called my name. For several years, I was helplessly at the mercy of this “visit,” as I called it, almost every night. Then, I talked to my parents about it. Sometimes I would even crawl into bed with my parents. And even then, lying between my parents, I was harassed by these beings and could not call for help. Every time that happened, I was absolutely rigid and immobilized.
The only thing I could do once I got over the first shock was to think. And I began to pray. I was never interested in Christianity. But my parents thought it was very important, so I had to go to church regularly. Thus, the first thing that occurred to me at those moments was to pray the “Our Father.” It became a struggle between the creature and me. If I stayed strong enough, it would go away faster. But of course, I was panicky. What is it that haunted me? What does it do to me? Why is this happening to me? What can I do about it? Where can I get this information? Who can help me?
My search for answers led me to healers, spiritual healers, and shamans. But nobody could help me, and even less could they answer my questions. Over time, I could only spend the nights with the TV and lights on. I was just scared. I felt these beings sitting on my bedspread, on me, and I was helpless.
With increasing age, this type of visit became rarer. But the fear and the feeling of helplessness remained. And I still saw and felt more than I wanted to.
Sometimes these abilities were quite helpful. I would get restless and almost panicky, so I would leave a place, only to learn later that a major accident or mass brawl occurred shortly after I left. Over time, I learned to trust this escape instinct and not to question it. Of course, it was a completely different matter when I saw half of a person's face as normal and the other half as a demon.
What was wrong with me, and why did I have that? I didn't want this. I refused it and denied it. All I ever wanted was to be normal! In my search for repression, for a restful sleep, I increasingly used alcohol and drugs. I tried this for years without success.
When I came to Falun Dafa many sleepless and anxious years later, this situation changed completely. The first book I read was The Great Way of Spiritual Perfection, and I was captivated by its content. Did I finally find the answers to my questions?
It got even better: I had just started to read the book Zhuan Falun when I received another “visit.” This time, it was in the shape of an old, white-haired, seemingly nice woman. My alarm bells went off. She bent over me and said, “You're learning a lot right now. You seem particularly smart.” I called out Master’s name, and immediately this spirit was gone. I encountered similar situations a few more times, and they always dissolved immediately after I called Master’s name.
I was overwhelmed. Could it be that I found not only answers but also protection? Just like that, with no strings attached?!
Once, I dreamed of some kind of clinic. I was called on by others to help in a patient room. When I entered, a dark-haired woman came up to me in a white, torn dress. My companions behind me suddenly disappeared and closed the door, so I was alone with this woman. She came closer and closer and seemed to have sprung from a horror film. Her eyes were black with burst, red veins. She stopped nose to nose with me, grabbed my head with both hands, and stared at me. I stayed calm and said the name of Master Li Hongzhi. The woman became aware. I said Master's name twice more, and suddenly a happy, healthy young woman stood before me. She now had blonde hair and deep blue eyes. I talked to her and told her to read Zhuan Falun, and suddenly she was sitting on the bed in the hospital room reading the book. She was very grateful.
I woke up and was amazed. What was that? Sometimes I have this kind of dream, and I am always amazed by the power of Master. But above all I am grateful! Grateful to finally be able to go to bed and sleep without fear. Grateful for the answers to my questions. Grateful not to see and feel so much anymore.
I think Master has always been with me and protected me. I remember one situation well: I was 13 or 14 years old and lying in bed crying again in the evening. I complained about the injustices in my life, about violence, physically and psychologically. I said that there could be no God and that if there were, he would be a... well I thought and spoke very badly. When I fell asleep, I suddenly found myself in a huge hall, and a very tall man stood in front of me in blinding light. I immediately fell to my knees and pressed my forehead to the ground. The light was so bright that I couldn't even open my eyes. I felt ashamed and remorseful at the words I had said before falling asleep. The man put his hand on my head and said he was always with me, that I need not be afraid. When I woke up the next day, I cried immediately and felt remorse for my words again.
Now I am able to understand much, but not everything, of my life. Only now can I accept me and my life. I do not complain about apparent injustices anymore. I know that Master has arranged the best for me and is always with me and protects me.
I thank my teacher, Master Li Hongzhi, with all my heart.
