Finding My Source of Fear
(Minghui.org) I have been more active in telling people about Falun Gong and the persecution in my attempt to let go of many notions, including the attachment of fear. Although the attachment of fear has significantly lessened, I can sometimes still feel that it presses into my dimension and I have to send righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
I initially thought that this was a normal process in cultivation. But, the more I thought about it, the less it seemed to be the right attitude. Why was the substance of fear able to be pressed into my dimensional field? Is there anything in my field that corresponds to it?
When I looked within, I realized that I did not completely eliminate the attachment to death like I thought I had. I was also attached to seeking comfort, a smooth cultivation process, and sentimentality for my family members. All of these attachments would surface during my cultivation and cause interference.
I recently found a deeply hidden attachment that I did not recognize before — I was calculating how much I could gain from validating the Fa. For example, if I knew the exact day that Fa-rectification would end, I would put all of my effort to save sentient beings without thinking of myself. Since I do not know when the Fa-rectification would end, I only thought about finding the best way to save more people while trying to keep myself safe.
I now realized that I made two mistakes.
I used everyday people's ways to calculate how I could maximally save people in case I was persecuted and would not have a chance to do so. I did the things to awaken people based on myself, instead of unconditionally assisting Master to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings with mercy. This was the key reason why I was afraid of being persecuted and why I was repeatedly persecuted.
I also tried to arrange things by myself. Actually, everything is arranged by Master as Master’s law body is always beside us. We should do what Master wants without thinking of ourselves. That is being in harmony with Master’s arrangement.
When I was strongly attached to saving people, it was because I was afraid of losing virtue. I had unknowingly committed a mistake by using Fa-rectification to achieve my own goal. If I didn’t look within and realized my mistake during cultivation, would I have cultivated in vain?
“If you’re coming here to learn the exercises, or the Great Law, with the goal of getting all kinds of things, then you won’t learn anything.” (Zhuan Falun)
This was the reason why sometimes when I read the Fa, I could not understand the real meaning.
I now understand why those practitioners who are doing well in cultivation always do things quietly without thinking about themselves. All life in the cosmos has to be in accordance with Master’s arrangement. I should let go of myself, follow Master and not be afraid of being persecuted. To save people in a dignified manner and have no fear, that is truly being safe.