True Cultivation: Changing One's Conventional Thinking
My Attachments Caused Family Conflicts
My life had been quite smooth. When I was young, my parents were very fond of me. After I married, my husband had been very caring. We have a son and a daughter. They were excellent kids and were often praised by others. During their childhood, I was very strict. For a long time, I did not realize that hiding behind my actions was my attachment to fame.
Before I began to practice Falun Dafa, I was in charge of making all family decisions. Even after I started to practice, my character had not fundamentally changed. I still often forced my views on others.
My son and daughter also became Dafa practitioners. I often received praise from other practitioners regarding my family. However, this caused my attachments to zealotry and showing off to increase. I thought that my children should focus on Dafa projects and that there is no need for them to have ordinary jobs or even to get married in order to avoid being polluted by society. When some practitioners reminded me that my children are old enough to work and have their own families, I insisted on my opinion. I thought that I had cultivated well and that I was absolutely right. By resorting to such extremes, I caused family conflicts.
Our family had lost its harmony. My husband felt that I was too extreme, and he disliked me more and more. He stopped chatting with me and often picked on me, blaming me for all sorts of little things. In turn, I developed resentment toward him. At times, I thought that maybe this was an opportunity to eliminate my sentimentality towards him, but as it turns out, I did not look inward enough.
I was reading Dafa books everyday at this time, and yet my eyes were always fixed on the mistakes of others. Using my shallow understandings of the Fa, I forced my opinion on others. I thought it was for their own good, but I had not recognized my fundamental attachment to self. I kept focusing on who was right and who was wrong instead of cultivating and improving myself.
As a result, our family conflicts lasted a long time. At one point, my husband would get angry even upon seeing me. He would throw a fit in my face even when guests were around. On the surface, I was able to endure this, but I was truly suffering inside.
Studying the Fa and Truly Cultivating
For the past seven years, I went out every day to clarify the truth about Falun Dafa to people. Every day I usually helped up to several dozen people quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. Many times, Master protected me when I was faced with danger. My husband remarked that I behaved like a practitioner only when I went out to clarify the truth. I finally realized that I should not think that doing these things can replace self-cultivation. I resolved that I would improve myself fundamentally.
I increased my time set for Fa study. Every day, I spent the morning or afternoon doing truth-clarification. The rest of the day, I read or memorized the Fa. Eventually, I could fluently recite Zhuan Falun from memory. While studying the Fa, I always sat in the double lotus position and held the book with both hands in front of me. I did the exercises whenever time permitted, and I slept very little at night; however, I did not feel tired at all. From this intense Fa study, I came to understand what Master meant when He said:
"Don’t let up in studying the Fa;amidst it transformation happens"
("Diligence and Righteous Enlightenment," Hong Yin Volume II)
First, my resentment towards my husband disappeared. Instead, I became very grateful. I no longer got upset, regardless of how he treated me. Meanwhile, I did not endure his criticisms passively. I kindly reminded him: Harmony in a family is important, and our previous combative mentality is part of the CCP culture and makes all of those involved unhappy.
Environmental Improvements After Changing My Thinking
When I let go of my sentimentality, what took its place was benevolence. When I treated a life with compassion, that life would change. That is what happened to my husband. When I treated him with compassion, he changed. He said to our children: "Your mother really changed after cultivation. Whatever I did it didn’t affect her, and she treated me so kindly."
The surrounding environment changes in accordance with the changes in a practitioner's heart. Currently, there is no tension in our family. My husband is happy and smiles all the time.
The Fa is profound. My understanding is very limited, and I was wrong to force my conventional thinking on others. What was behind my extreme behavior was the attachments to time, to the completion of my cultivation, and to myself.
My children are Dafa practitioners. Every practitioner has his or her own path. It is not up to me to arrange the lives of others. I am no better than they are in cultivation. They are also Master's disciples, and Master will arrange the best for them. From my heart, I trust Master.