(Minghui.org) As a local coordinator, I often noticed other practitioners' attachments. I had this habit for many years until recently, when I was made to see my attachment to self and the damage it caused. I truly looked inside and wished to change. I came to understand that when conflicts occur, it's always an opportunity to get rid of my own attachments.
Becoming a Coordinator
I started to practice Falun Dafa in August 1998. At that time very few people in my area practiced. There were no study groups or practice sites. I was busy introducing people to Falun Dafa, while maintaining a Fa study group and morning practice.
After the persecution began in July 1999, our group dissolved. Since people had just begun to practice, they were in different stages of cultivation. I tried to look for them and give them sharing articles and Master's new lectures. This is how I became a coordinator in our area.
As a coordinator, while studying the Fa I often thought about various attachments other practitioners had, instead of calmly reflecting on my own shortcomings. I would then share my thoughts with the practitioners and suggest how they could improve. During that time the persecution was quite severe, so we did not resume our study group.
Conflicts
With the progression of Fa-rectification, the environment got better. We resumed our group Fa study. If I felt a lecture benefited me a lot, I would have the group study that lecture. If I felt someone did not say what I felt was correct when they clarified the truth, I would tell him what to say. I did not pay attention to what the other practitioners thought about my authoritative behavior.
A female practitioner returned to our area. She had a lot of resentment toward her ex-husband and she often cried and complained. I tried to advise her, but she disagreed with what I said. After a while she started to complain about me. She said that I was not talking to her with kindness, I forced her too much, and I always fought with her. After a while, I could no longer talk to her. Whenever she spoke, she complained, and I began to dislike her.
In another instance, a practitioner complained about me to another practitioner. Eventually it reached me. I did not stop and carefully think about what I had done wrong, because I felt I was too busy with other projects.
Stick Wake-up
One day after a group Fa study at my home, Xiao Lan, a fellow practitioner, stayed behind to talk to me. Her demeanor was very kind and peaceful. She said she heard that several other practitioners were complaining about me. They complained that I talked about others behind their backs, among many other things.
What she said struck me. I realized I must have done something wrong if so many people were complaining about me. Xiao Lan said she was about to move to another location and she decided she must tell me before she left.
I did not try to explain or defend myself. I felt empty. I thought: “I have been so busy for all these years and thought I did a lot for the others. Why did they all complain about me? It must be my fault.” After Xiao Lan left, I couldn't sleep. I thought and thought. “What did I do wrong?”
Looking Inward
The next morning, I could not calm down when I did the exercises. I turned on my computer and watched the video of Master's lecture to Australian practitioners. I paid close attention to every word. After I watched for about half an hour, I understood: I insisted things be done my way. I forced my own understanding on others until they could not stand me and disliked me. But I did not realize it and still felt good about myself. It was I who had created the gaps among local practitioners.
I found my attachments and let them go. I said to Master: “I made a big mistake. My enlightenment quality was not good. So many practitioners said this to me, but I did not listen.” That night I had a dream. I saw some dirty stuff in a big lavatory being cleaned out and it filled a big garbage truck. Only a tiny bit was still left. I knew it was Master who cleaned those decayed materials for me. From the bottom of my heart, I was so grateful that Master woke up this stubborn-minded disciple so that I would not do more damage to our one body. I was determined to eliminate my attachment to self.
I paid attention to cultivating more compassion and more understanding for others. I realized I should allow other practitioners to have different opinions and their ways of doing things. The Fa has many levels and cultivators are at all different stages.
I realized many shortcomings among the local practitioners were related to me because I did not coordinate well. Such as: having gaps among us; speaking ill behind someone's back; not attending group Fa study, etc.
When I realized how serious the problems were, I apologized to fellow practitioners face to face. The conflicts disappeared. Looking inward really works! Just like Master told us: "For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool." (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
Cultivation During Coordination
Now when I face difficult situations, I try my best to understand others. I do not force my thoughts upon others anymore. I do not give orders. And I do not say bad things behind others' backs. We are all Master's disciples. No one should think he or she is above other disciples. We are all Dafa disciples and this is a sacred predestined relationship.
A coordinator is also an ordinary practitioner, but it's our responsibility to do specific tasks and do more for fellow practitioners. A coordinator is not higher than anyone else. He should eliminate his attachments during coordination. If I hadn't been a coordinator, some of my attachments might not have been exposed. So being a coordinator is also an opportunity for me to cultivate.
Above is my understanding at my current cultivation level. Please kindly point it out if anything in my sharing is not in line with the Fa.
Category: Improving Oneself
