(Minghui.org) Recently, my tongue felt numb and my right eyebrow was twitching. I believed a Dafa practitioner would not have any sickness so I didn't pay much attention to it or send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
A few days later, the problem evolved into partial facial paralysis. I have practiced Falun Dafa for over 10 years and rarely had any sickness karma. What did I do wrong that gave the old forces an excuse to persecute me? I looked within.
The factory I worked at was not doing well. After rounds of layoffs, it had only four first-level workers, including me. Once at an all-hands staff meeting, the boss praised me as the best worker, who could handle all kinds of tasks and announced that he would pay me the highest salary.
Because the factory was in financial difficulty, all of the workers were paid a small monthly stipend, with the majority of the wage withheld and paid out in a lump sum annually before the Chinese New Year. When the payout time came, I realized that I received the lowest bonus in the whole factory. I was humiliated and could barely control my emotions. I had to go home immediately.
When I arrived home, a colleague who was on vacation called me and asked if we had been paid. Her questions set me off again. I totally forgot about controlling xinxing and vented my frustrations over the phone.
After I hung up, my mother-in-law, who is also a Falun Dafa practitioner, reminded me, “Are you a Falun Dafa practitioner?” I then realized that I should not be so attached to personal gain and loss, but my emotions refused to calm down.
During the Chinese New Year holidays, I looked within and searched for the attachments that made me so angry, frustrated and humiliated.
I found a bunch of attachments easily. I completed more tasks than other workers but was paid the lowest, so I was jealous. I had been promised the highest pay, but was actually given the lowest, and I felt played like a fool and became a laughing stock in the factory. This was an attachment to reputation. I didn't like colleagues who always picked the easy tasks, which revealed my desire to compete. Because I had the desire of vanity, I expected to hear praise from the management. I had the desire to show off by telling others that I knew better ways to complete a task.
I was ashamed to see that I still had so many attachments after practicing Dafa for over a decade. To suppress the raging emotions, I recited Master's teachings repeatedly.
“Not caring about human pain or joy Is a cultivator Not attached to gain or loss in the world An Arhat”
(“Leaping out of the Three Realms,” Hong Yin)
“A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself. A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy. An enlightened person has no attachments at all. He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.”
(“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
After a few days, I calmed down. But I was still resentful to my boss, so I refused to attend a dinner at the factory kick-off ceremony after the Chinese New Year holidays.
Back on the job, when my colleagues talked to me, I heard sarcasm in every conversation. “Why don't you find a new job with better pay?” “You are a fool to do so much work for such little pay.” “If you think the pay is too low, you can quit. The boss didn't tie your feet to keep you here.”
I couldn't hold back any more. I went to the general manager's office and complained to him of all the ill-treatment I had received over the years. I totally forgot Master's teaching of cultivating our speech.
After that, I acted like an ordinary person. I only worked as long as other workers did. If they took a break, I stopped my work too. In the end, the old forces used the loophole to impose sickness karma on me.
While looking within, I remembered that another practitioner had written me a message suggesting that I had a fundamental issue in my cultivation. Out of courtesy but not genuine gratitude, I thanked him for sharing with me but didn't dig deep to look for fundamental attachments.
With the sickness karma showing on my face, I evaluated myself according to the Fa more seriously. Then more desires surfaced when I explored deeper.
I had tried hard to keep a peaceful relationship with my colleagues. I was not picky about the tasks and worked very hard. But I noticed that my intention was to gain compliments. Sometimes, I was given an unfair assignment but I didn't speak up. I wanted to show people that I had followed the principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, but at the same time felt bitterness in my heart. I was afraid to lose my reputation. I had not truly attained the level of not being attached to human gain or loss.
After I appeared to have facial paralysis sickness karma, I stayed at home. When people from the factory called me to go back to work, I didn't tell them the real reason; instead, I found many excuses to prolong my leave.
I only told a few practitioners who were close to me to help me send forth righteous thoughts to cleanse the sickness karma, but at the same time reminded them not to let other practitioners who I regarded as “not diligent” to learn of my situation, because I was afraid they would look down on me or laugh at me. My superficial reason was to safeguard the reputation of Falun Dafa, but when I dug deeper, I found out I was protecting my own reputation as a diligent practitioner.
Master said in “Cultivator's Avoidances” in Essentials for Further Advancement : “Those who are attached to their reputations practice an evil way, full of intention. Once they gain renown in this world, they are bound to say good but mean evil, thereby misleading the public and undermining the Fa.” I understood the pursuit of reputation is very dangerous.
In addition, I also found the attachment of fear that I often chose “safe” truth-clarification tasks instead of putting saving lives at a higher priority. In day-to-day life, I still had attachments to vanity, arrogance and self-righteousness.
Digging deeper and deeper, I realized I still don't trust Master and Dafa thoroughly and had pursuits, because while I was writing this experience sharing article, I had been touching my face from time to time to feel if the eye and mouth corners had straightened. Besides, I was secretly wishing this article could be published so that the fellow practitioners who didn't like me would read it and change their opinions about me.
I felt relieved after identifying that my root attachments were pursuit of reputation and a lack of faith in Dafa and Master. It was time to let them go and become a true Dafa disciple.
I admitted that I had done wrong, but I found my fundamental attachments. I will only follow the cultivation path arranged by Master from now on, and the evil forces have no right to persecute me.
At the same time, a genuine appreciation emerged from my heart to Master and the fellow practitioners who helped me and pointed out my attachments.
When I finished reviewing this sharing article, a normal smile appeared on my face. The fake sickness karma disappeared.
Thank you, Master!
Category: Improving Oneself
