(Minghui.org) Some of our attachments grow and slowly expand because we are unaware of them, but when the attachment enlarges to the point where we become aware of it, we realize how serious it is. We sometimes hide attachments using all kinds of excuses. We even use the excuse of doing Dafa tasks to help hide these attachments.
Sexual desires and lust are attachments that I had been hiding deep inside myself all along. I felt that since I started cultivation 16 years ago, although I had made mistakes in this area during the early stages of my cultivation, in the past 14 years, I had been free of this problem. I faced all my tribulations alone. I maintained pure and clean relationship with the opposite sex. Even if I met someone of the opposite sex whom I admired, I behaved in a polite and reserved manner. Getting married to a non-practitioner was out of the question. The male practitioners that I had contact with were usually married. I was very careful with my interactions with the opposite sex, and I felt that I had cultivated well in this area. But through an incident, I realized that my attachment to sexual desire and lust were still hidden very deeply within me. Once there was an opportunity, this attachment revealed itself in an extraordinarily intense manner. I almost could not control myself, and the dozen years of cultivation I had were nearly destroyed in one day.
The attachment to sexual desires and lust is a damaging test that the old evil forces put on two practitioners who have not cultivated well in this area. Especially those single practitioners who easily allow their attachments to overcome them without rationally thinking about it. This loophole can be taken advantage of by the demon of lust. It is very easy to use the excuse of following an everyday person's situation to not eliminate this attachment. Actually, we will not be able to reach Consummation if even a single attachment still exists.
The incident started after I was introduced to an unmarried male practitioner, and we took an immediate liking to one another. We very quickly became lovers, and we were inseparable. Within a month we had the thought of getting married. However, because we were being controlled by the demon of lust, we were not rational. While other practitioners were very diligently doing the three things, the two of us were trapped in the deep abyss of lust and sexual desire and could not get control of ourselves.
Master compassionately gave me a hint, and my family member who is a practitioner also exchanged her views with me from the standpoint of the Fa. The practitioners around me also tried to remind me from time to time, not to make mistakes in this aspect. I was sometimes rational and sometimes muddleheaded. My mind was controlled by the attachment to lust and sexual desires and I was not determined to overcome it. I tried to break up three times but was not successful. In the end I made up my mind and prevented a tragedy in time.
Through this heart wrenching process of eliminating my attachment to lust and sexual desire, I felt relieved when I woke up and was able to let this attachment go. I realized I was being controlled by the deformed perceptions I had not cultivated away and everyday society's perceptions due to the decadence of human morals. During this process I was not compassionate enough to this male practitioner, and I kept blaming him for not looking inward and rectifying himself. If I had looked inward at all times during our initial interactions, there would not have been this big tribulation later. I believe this male practitioner will definitely rectify himself during cultivation and continue to be diligent.
I wrote about my experience to remind other practitioners who are undergoing similar experiences. If we look inward at all times then we will take fewer detours on our cultivation paths, and not let Master down.
Category: Improving Oneself
