Taking a Step Back to Reflect on Myself and Improve My Cultivation

(Minghui.org) Greetings Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!

Recently, I’ve been slacking off in my cultivation, which has led to various negative states, such as severe physical discomfort, fatigue, being unmotivated to do the exercises, not focusing during Fa study, not concentrating while sending righteous thoughts, a reluctance to clarify the truth to people, and a feeling of depression. Nevertheless, Master Li always arranged uplifting and positive encounters to encourage me.

I would like to tell you how I introduced Falun Dafa and the persecution in China to my clients as well as to other people, and how I finally looked inward and found one of my deeply hidden attachments through persistent problems with my car.

Clarifying the Truth to My Customers

I’ve run my own cleaning business for about a year now, and I’m the business owner and the only employee. Although the job is primarily to make a living, it also gives me the opportunity to talk to my customers about Falun Dafa and the persecution, and to introduce Shen Yun and Ganjing World to them. I pay special attention to building a relationship with my customers based on trust, and I’m less focused on how much money I make. I offer them my support whenever they need help and do my best to give them a good impression of Falun Dafa practitioners.

My customers are mainly elderly people who suffer from multiple health problems, including a retired policeman, a retired teacher, a married couple where the husband has a disability due to polio, a nurse, an 80-year-old single woman, a single father with depression, and so on. They now all know about Falun Dafa and the persecution. I treat them kindly and with patience, respond to their needs, try to be lenient, and leave their place sparkling clean. This can be very challenging sometimes!

One example: the retired policeman is extremely fussy with a stern, penetrating gaze, and lives in a huge, two-story house with his family. When I entered his door for the first time with my cleaning equipment, I was terribly nervous and unsure whether I would be able to do the job to his complete satisfaction. It turned out that he also had a very caring side: After I cleaned for about 2 hours, he offered me some coffee. Pleasantly surprised, I agreed, and he asked me to take a break and started talking to me about faith and the world. I took the opportunity to clarify the facts about the persecution to him. Since then, I’ve cleaned his house every 3-4 weeks.

For the first three months, I found it hard to motivate myself to go there, because the house is huge, and after I clean it I’m exhausted. But then I realized I should change my attitude and look at it from a positive perspective. After all, I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner and I’m quite capable of handling this job. Instead of worrying about the huge “mountain of work,” it’s better to focus on each task instead of thinking about how much work I still need to do and how tiring it would be.

One day, I realized this job had become one of my favorites. “Another day of fun?” The policeman greeted me when he opened the door, with a serious look on his face. He has his own sense of humor, and he also likes to surprise me with special additional jobs to do, like cleaning his garage, or one time I was asked to clean a big popcorn machine on wheels. After a while, he trusted me and left the house to run some errands while I cleaned. When he came back and asked how things were going, and I told him that I still had to clean the bathrooms and the floors, he jokingly asked why I was so slow and that he thought I was already done. In the beginning, I felt kind of pressure, but after a while, I learned that it’s his own special way of making jokes. As I recently told him that I had to raise my prices a bit, he exclaimed: “But you’re so old and slow! I can find someone younger and faster! That would be cheaper for me!” I answered with a smile that I would be happy for him if that was the case. He grimaced and waved his hand. He hardly ever smiles. But I know that he appreciates me.

Every time he offered me coffee, he told me about his life, which turned out to be quite harrowing. He liked to philosophize, and our conversations became more profound. When Shen Yun Performing Arts was about to perform in Jacksonville, I gave him a flyer and encouraged him to see the show with his family. Unfortunately, he didn’t; I asked Master for another opportunity. One day, as we were talking about what’s going on in the world and how important it is to have a belief, he told me that he was Catholic but no longer went to church. We talked about death and about the principle that good is rewarded and evil is punished.

The next time I visited, I brought him Master’s article “How Humankind Came To Be,” regarding our last conversation. He took a short look at it and then sat down at his computer. Somewhat disappointed, I continued cleaning. Suddenly, I heard a printer, and shortly afterward, he handed me back the article and an additional printed copy, saying: “I found the article online! It’s great! I’ve printed it out for my family - they all need to read it. This is an additional copy for you, so you can pass it on to others.” I was amazed. When I had almost given up hope, a small miracle happened. Master’s arrangements are fabulous! I was happy for him and filled with gratitude for Master’s encouragement.

I realized that awakening sentient beings doesn’t always work out immediately; sometimes it takes patience and time. I also realized that I shouldn’t rush but give my clients some time to get to know me better before I tell them about Falun Dafa. For example, when they mention my kindness, or say that I’m different from other people, have a big heart, or I’m not focused on profit, they can accept it more easily and with a better understanding.

Besides my own business, I work on weekends as a subcontractor for another company, representing them at booths at home shows, festivals, etc. When I was helping at a Shen Yun promotion booth over a year ago, I met the manager of this company because her booth was near ours. Soon afterward, she hired me. We get along great, and one of the owners loves Shen Yun. Whenever it’s time to promote Shen Yun, they allow me to put out Shen Yun flyers while working at their booth and hand them out to passersby! That way, we can reach more people and give them the chance to be saved. I am very grateful for Master’s arrangement! Although it’s tough sometimes to stand in a freezing cold hall all day, or outside in the heat, it’s a good opportunity to hand out Falun Dafa, Shen Yun, or Ganjing World flyers to people.

Sometimes an event gets canceled or shortened due to bad weather. Sometimes customers cancel their cleaning appointments on short notice, which causes me financial losses. However, as soon as I let go of my worries and fully trust Master, it turns out that my support is urgently needed for a Dafa project that day, or there’s somewhere I need to go, and I encounter other people who are not yet familiar with Falun Dafa. Afterward, my work catches up, and so does my income.

I came to understand: If I don’t think too much and I’m able to let go of my human notions, trust Master, follow the course of nature, and just do the three things, everything falls into place.

I worked at a vendor village event. After I had set up the booth, it started to rain. Since it was still more than half an hour before the event started, I decided to practice exercises 1, 3, and 4. After I finished, my “booth neighbor” walked up to me and said, “I watched you exercise. You radiated a strong energy, and the rain stopped.” When I introduced Falun Dafa to her and asked if she was interested in more information, she replied, “Yes, absolutely!”

My Car Helps Me Identify My Fundamental Attachment

My car broke down about a year ago, so I bought a used Jeep. But after just two days, several lights came on, so I took it back for a check-up. It didn’t seem to be anything serious, just some sensitive sensors that were probably being misread by the computer. But a month later, the engine light was flashing, and I had to replace a cylinder. According to the “scan diagnostics,” several repairs were due.

So, I took the Jeep to the garage again, and some sensors were replaced. Nevertheless, the lights continued to come on. After an oil change and having two tires replaced, my car still felt choppy when I drove it.

To be on the safe side, I had all the wheels checked, but everything seemed to be fine, except for a “dying” wheel sensor (which had just been replaced!) and possibly other minor repairs coming up. Sometime later, the electric light flashed, and I realized the Jeep was overheated. A quick check revealed that it was leaking coolant, and the radiator needed to be replaced.

The dealership that sold me the car, and which was also my first cleaning customer, felt bad and covered the cost of the materials so that I only had to pay for the repairs.

I happily picked up my Jeep in the evening, but the repair was quite expensive as they had to replace the entire hub. However, the lights were still on, the ride was still bumpy, and the car seemed to have no power, no matter how hard I pushed on the gas pedal. Additionally, it used a lot of gas! To be on the safe side, I bought a set of cylinders and spark plugs in case they needed to be replaced. My family and friends urged me to look for another car and get rid of this “lemon” as soon as possible. But one, I didn’t have enough money, and second, I had the feeling that this car had a predestined relationship with me.

I started asking myself if it had something to do with my cultivation. What did my cultivation state look like? I’d been slacking off for quite a while, my body often ached, so I had to pull myself together to do the exercises every day. I was often distracted when I read the Fa because I was worried. Sometimes I wasn’t able to send righteous thoughts at the four global times because I had to work. Although I intended to make up for it later, I often did not. I also felt more and more depressed due to the hopeless situation with my mentally ill and absent husband. Although I tried to look inward and see things from the perspective of the Fa, I oftentimes fell back into negative thoughts. I felt like a frog trying to climb out of a well, but I kept slipping back down.

It couldn’t go on like this! Suddenly, I was absolutely sure that my car trouble had something to do with my cultivation. Why couldn’t the mechanics solve the problem, and why were the lights still on despite several repairs? It seemed as if they hadn’t found the root cause. At that moment, it hit me like a hammer: was it because I hadn’t yet found my fundamental attachment? But what was my fundamental attachment?

I decided to step back a little, take some time, and seriously look inward. I remembered a conversation I had with my son some time ago. Master often uses my son’s mouth to give me a stick warning. When we were talking about Falun Dafa recently, my son said, “You’re often focused on the negative side of things. Even though you cultivate, you aren’t really happy. I think you use Dafa to be happy. You can meditate all day, but it won’t help you if you don’t change from the inside out.”

His words hit me like a hammer, and I immediately recognized them as a hint from Master. I explained that Falun Dafa was the way I had to go and to do the three things to fulfill my vow, and it was only thanks to practicing that I had so much energy and a healthy body.

But something didn’t feel right, so I looked inward. Cultivation is serious. He was right, I complained a lot, instead of taking things lightly and behaving like a cultivator.

Why did I feel happy and fulfilled when I worked on Dafa-related projects or participated in Dafa-related activities, but often felt depressed in my daily life? Why was I cultivating? Did I really use Dafa to fill an emptiness inside of me and to be free from illness? If so, I wasn’t a genuine practitioner! Practicing Falun Dafa seemed to make me feel secure, like a kind of life insurance. Why was I striving for security? There was a deep-rooted fear in me that manifested itself in several fears: fear of existence, fear of being rejected, fear of failing and not doing my job well, fear of isolation and being lonely, fear that my children would get lost in society’s big dye vat and not be saved, fear of making mistakes and failing in cultivation. Perhaps I had even more fears I hadn’t identified.

Although this fear was exposed before, I didn’t really try to eliminate it. I now realize that fear is the cause of my slacking off and what made me feel depressed. It’s also the cause of my jealousy, resentment, combativeness, zealotry, impatience, and clinging to human feelings. I also found an attachment to time, which in turn reinforced my fear.

I’ve probably been looking at Dafa from a kind of human emotion, while still holding on to my fundamental attachment and other attachments. It seemed that something in me didn’t want to let go of human things and was still striving for a comfortable life in the secular world.

The fear of existence and being rejected was deeply rooted in me due to my difficult childhood, which is also the reason I was jealous: Ever since I can remember, I longed for an intact family, but I experienced the opposite. After he divorced my mother, my father remarried and raised two sons, and I envied them. While they enjoyed a harmonious family life and went on vacation every year, I grew up without a father and lived with my mother, who was full of fear. My environment was very depressing. Even today, I sometimes find myself watching happy families with a wistful heart. Then feelings of guilt rise in me because my children also grew up without a father, so I didn’t do any better than my parents.

I believe that fear is my fundamental attachment and makes me feel unworthy to be a Falun Dafa practitioner. My mindset blocks me from becoming a genuine cultivator. It’s time to let this obstacle go and appreciate cultivation and myself!

After this insight, I called my dealership and asked for another diagnosis for my vehicle. He recommended a particular garage, so I went there and asked for an appointment. The mechanic seemed unfriendly and short, and I didn’t have a good feeling. But I felt he was simply under a lot of pressure and was overworked—after all, it was only a check-up and not a repair.

Meanwhile, I looked for more loopholes in my cultivation. I, too, acted impatiently and harshly towards others sometimes when I had too much on my plate.

Eventually, the mechanic found the problem: it was a module, a computer that needed to be replaced. The current one no longer worked, so my car couldn’t read anything, and that’s why the lights stayed on.

I felt relieved. But then he mentioned that he couldn’t guarantee that the part would be available, and it might cost 1,000 dollars. He also said that after that was fixed, there was the possibility that the transmission would have to be replaced soon, because the car was already 10 years old, and this would be even more expensive.

My mind went blank. What a nightmare! When I asked for the cost of the diagnosis, he said it was free. I thanked him and promised to come back and at least tip him. He looked tired, and I knew he worked hard to earn a living.

I returned as I promised and also gave him a copy of truth-clarification material, which he gladly accepted.

In the meantime, my dealership ordered the required module and arranged for it to be replaced by another mechanic. My dealership covered the cost of the entire repair, and when I insisted, he hugged me and said, It was fine. He also replaced the ignition coils and spark plugs. In return, I cleaned his home for free, and everyone was happy.

Now, my car runs like a new one. As soon as I looked inward and found my fundamental attachments, the fundamental problem with my car was also resolved.

Nothing in our cultivation is accidental, and even the things we use every day are related to our cultivation. Thank you, Master, for not giving up on me, your student who progresses very slowly in cultivation. Thank you, Master, for your guidance and boundless compassion!

This is my current understanding at my limited level. I will continue to work on doing the three things well, align myself with the Fa, and cultivate myself solidly, so that I can keep up with Fa-rectification, fulfill my vow, and return home with Master.

(Selected article presented at the 2025 Florida Fa Conference)