Walking Through the Thorns of Our Marriage

(Minghui.org) I felt uneasy in the summer of 2023, as though something was off with my husband. I sensed that something significant was about to happen.

In August, I noticed some texts on his phone between him and a divorced woman, which confirmed that he was having an affair. My years of cultivation taught me that staying calm was the only way to handle the situation. On the other hand, my feelings of grievance from all the years of my selfless devotion to the family and being treated unfairly surged through me like a raging torrent, and I was engulfed in pain and resentment.

Showing My Husband the Compassion of Dafa

When I asked, my husband admitted to having an affair but said he didn’t want to leave me. He promised to cut ties with the woman. But my heart was filled with resistance despite his pleas and our child’s tears.

It felt like there were two versions of me battling inside my mind. The “me who wanted a divorce” kept replaying all the injustices I endured during our ten-year marriage, and insisted: “I need to divorce him immediately! I won’t spend another minute with him!” Meanwhile, the “kind me” gently reminded, “Aren’t you a Falun Dafa practitioner? Practitioners should have compassion for all beings and live by the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance.”

I thought of practitioner Ji whose husband became involved with another woman. She did not become angry—instead she remembered what Master taught about being kind and compassionate. After Yue’s husband had an affair, she took care of her ninety-year-old mother-in-law for seven years. Xi responded to her husband’s infidelity and physical abuse with understanding and patience instead of resentment, eventually winning him back to the family. These women are kind and selfless Falun Dafa practitioners.

I also thought about how Master endured tremendous hardship in order to introduce Falun Dafa in China. He charged only minimal fees for classes, traveled by train, and ate instant noodles. Master resolved countless people’s terminal illnesses, and saved millions of families. Yet, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) accused him of “profiteering,” and many people who believed the Party’s lies criticized him. Master just quietly endured it all. Compared to the injustices Master faced, wasn’t my hardship insignificant?

The other practitioners encouraged me and offered to help me get through this tribulation. They quietly listened and sincerely shared their insights based on the principles of Dafa, which comforted me. I felt I wasn’t alone. The others repeatedly reminded me, “Just follow Dafa’s teachings. Stick to Dafa’s principles, and you won’t regret how you handled it!” Their pure and kind hearts deeply moved and inspired me.

I realized that if I regarded my husband’s affair as the reason to end my marriage, I would not have the compassion of “saving the family, saving my husband, and saving my child.” That is not what a Dafa disciple should do.

I worked hard to suppress my resentment and had a sincere conversation with my husband. I asked, “What would you do if I betrayed you?” He was frightened, almost as if he resigned himself to whatever “verdict” I issued, and said, “Whatever you decide, I’ll understand, because if it were me, I probably wouldn’t be able to take it and I would divorce you.” I nodded and said, “Yes, that’s what most people would do. But did we get together as a family just to hurt and betray each other, then divorce? What was all the hardship we endured over the years for? Shouldn’t we face and overcome our difficulties together?” He looked at me in shock. He was surprised to hear this. He didn’t come up with any excuses to justify what he did, but he quietly and attentively listened to me.

I said, “You don’t need to feel bad because of this incident. Fortunately, I discovered it in time. If it had gone on longer, it would have been even harder for you to pull yourself out, and who knows what might have happened? You shouldn’t follow the improper relationships seen in society. Since you entered into marriage, you must make an effort to maintain it and resist temptations. The traditional path of marriage is the right one.”

I explained to my husband the three reasons why I wouldn’t divorce him. “First, the child wants a complete family. As parents, we need to set an example for the child. We should teach the child how to solve problems within a family during difficult times, not use divorce as a way to escape. Second, many men become completely unrestrained after divorce, doing whatever they please. I don’t want to see you fall into that path. Third, and most importantly, I practice Falun Dafa. Master asks us to follow the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. I also have areas where I didn’t do well in this marriage, and I hope to have a chance to make up for them. Master has high expectations of me. When facing family tribulations, I know the standard a Dafa practitioner should reach. Although I can’t achieve it right now, if you give me some time, I will definitely get there.”

My husband said emotionally, “You know, all these years, I’ve always felt that our relationship is different from others.” He meant that we wouldn’t turn into enemies with no limits like other couples after a divorce. He said, “You are kind, truly kind. Every time I thought about leaving, it was your kindness that made me stay. This incident shouldn’t have happened, and I shouldn’t have hurt you. I can’t bear to lose this family.” He also said, “When you said you wouldn’t divorce because you’re afraid I might fall, just that one sentence made me feel that meeting you in this lifetime was worth it, truly!”

I saw that he felt deeply ashamed. After hesitating for a moment, he finally made up his mind, and apologized. I knew that he wasn’t apologizing to me, but to the immense compassion of Dafa.

Letting Go of Self, Making Others Happy While I Was in Pain

Our son had time off from school because it was a holiday. I told my husband, “The child has been worried and crying these past few days. Let’s travel somewhere and help him relax.” My husband agreed. He told my mother-in-law, “This trip is for us to recover from a low point in our lives and to give the child a chance to unwind, so we won’t bring you this time. Please understand.” She agreed. However, on the day we were set to leave, just as we were about to head out, my mother-in-law repeatedly had my father-in-law call my husband, insisting that she come along. My husband sighed, unable to persuade her, and handed me the phone, signaling that he couldn’t refuse her and wanted me to handle it.

The moment I took the phone, Master’s teaching suddenly came to my mind: “...a Dafa disciple should consider others first in everything he does.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Boston, U.S.A.”) I tried to speak in a cheerful tone: “Mom, get your things ready! We are coming to pick you up!” My husband looked at me in surprise and said, “My mom likes to travel, I can’t refuse her. I thought you would tell her no.” I said, “It’s fine, I’ve thought it through. Your mom is in her seventies and loves to travel. Taking her on this trip to make her happy is the right thing to do.” He was touched and said, “Thank you!”

If I hadn’t practiced Dafa, I would have thought my mother-in-law was unreasonable. But because I practice Dafa, I learned to look at things differently. I should set aside my own pain and strive to bring joy to others. We went on the trip together. During the journey, whenever my husband and mother-in-law disagreed, I stepped in, persuading my husband to understand and give in to his mother. I tried my best to make both of them happy.

Reflecting on My Cultivation and Finding My Shortcomings

It was midwinter two months later, and the cold outside was biting. My husband and I had a disagreement one evening and he walked out of the house. I assumed he went to his parents’ home, but to my surprise, he returned at 2 a.m. He’d been sitting in his car for more than six hours.

After she heard what happened my mother-in-law came over. She thought I drove my husband out and made him stay in the car. She said, “Although my son made a mistake, it’s in the past now. He has already paid a heavy price, and you should let it go.” Her words struck a nerve in me, and my heart began racing. All my patience and concessions over the past few months felt wasted. I couldn’t hold back and retorted, “He paid a heavy price?! It’s me who paid the heavy price! Look at my hair—it’s turning white at the temples in just a few months. I can’t sleep. You’ve got it all wrong! My child and I are the ones bearing all the pain!”

Hearing this, my mother-in-law’s face darkened. She stood up angrily, took off her coat, threw it aside, and started yelling at me. My son was so frightened that he began to cry. I was furious and argued back, but the more she yelled, the nastier her words became. As she shouted I had a moment of clarity. I remembered that I’m a cultivator and shouldn’t act this way. So, I turned around and went into the bedroom.

I eventually calmed down and asked, “Are you still scolding me?” She replied, “Yes, I’m scolding you!” She continued to shout and vent her dissatisfaction. My son who was sobbing held my arm and said, “Mom, don’t forget you’re a cultivator. Can you control yourself and not treat grandma the way she’s treating you?” I reassured him, “Don’t worry, I can do it.” He shook his head, and said, “Mom, I don’t believe you.” I said, “I can. Let’s make a pinky promise.” He held out his little finger, and we made a promise. Neither of us said another word.

My mother-in-law stopped yelling but, unable to find a way to end things gracefully, she claimed she was so upset that she felt sick. She shouted that my husband would have to pay for her medical expenses and stormed out. To justify her outburst, she told my husband that I hit her. I thought, “How dare she twll such lies? How could she be so terrible? I must stay far away from her.”

After cooling down, I realized I let Master down. As a cultivator, I shouldn’t have acted on my whims. I must reflect on myself and measure my actions against Dafa’s standards. I reminded myself not to evade responsibility. It was my harsh tone and unkind expression that triggered her anger. I’m a practitioner and I shouldn’t have acted like that.

I decided to visit her with my son. When we entered her home, I saw her laying in bed. It turned out she was frightened after yelling at me, worried that her outburst might actually cause me to divorce her son. As soon as she saw me, she called my name and started crying. “I shouldn’t have scolded you. I yelled because I was afraid you two would divorce. I know you’ve been wronged, I don’t want you to divorce. This is my son’s fault, I apologize to you on his behalf.” For my mother-in-law, who was always competitive, unwilling to back down even when she was wrong, and never at a loss for words, to say this was truly remarkable. I couldn’t hold back my tears.

I later felt sad whenever I recalled the past grievances and her endless reproach. But I repeatedly recited Master’s teachings:

“How many of you seated here can keep at ease when someone points at you out of the blue and berates you? How many of you can stay unruffled and search for the reason on your part when faced with others’ criticism and chiding?” (“Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles”)

I told Master, “Master, I can. Please strengthen me so I can truly achieve this.” Over time, the atmosphere between her and me improved. We would celebrate festivals and gatherings together, each time it would get better than the last. Gradually, the resentment in my heart faded away bit by bit.

Calmly Passing the Thorns of Our Marriage

My journey through our marriage has never been smooth; every step has left a deep impression. In the past ten years, I’ve wrestled with the choice between enduring or leaving. My husband and I, like many couples, had arguments, doubts, confrontations, and countless difficult conversations. We vented anger, jealousy, resentment, and blame. Our home was filled with tension and the sound of our son’s cries. Fortunately, under the guidance of Falun Dafa, I repeatedly corrected myself according to its principles and returned to the right path.

I can’t recall how many times I recited Master’s teachings through my tears to remind and encourage myself. Nor can I count the sleepless nights filled with pain. It was the compassion of Dafa that helped me. Through these ten years of marriage, I realized I am not blameless. My deeply ingrained selfishness and self-centeredness have been gradually tempered and diminished through repeated conflicts. Step by step, I’ve gone from feeling indignant to facing things calmly. I was narrow-minded and selfish, but I also found that I’ve learned to understand and trust my husband.

I’ve come to think that, as a husband, it’s true that he cannot afford to make a mistake as serious as infidelity—it would bring catastrophic consequences. However, as a human being, he should be allowed to make such a mistake, or even worse ones, as long as he still has a heart inclined toward goodness. Isn’t this similar to how Master hasn’t given upon me? Among the practitioners of Falun Dafa, how many stories are there of prodigals who turned their lives around, or of broken families mended and restored? Behind each of these is Master’s unwavering patience and not giving up. Master never holds grudges against beings for their past mistakes. Why, then, should I doubt my husband’s, or anyone’s ability to reflect, correct themselves, and start anew? If I can improve and rectify my shortcomings, so can my husband, and so can other people.

In the past six months, or even in the last ten years, I’ve finally been able to walk through the crossroads of our marriage with a calm heart. I’ve followed the teachings of Dafa, and I have no regrets. Although I haven’t done everything perfectly, I felt that every tear shed and every sleepless night was worthwhile and precious. I can’t fully express my gratitude because, in this world, I’ve never encountered a book that teaches me to be a good person no matter the circumstances—until I read Zhuan Falun. I’ve never met someone who taught me to always think of others first, even in the smallest matters—until I encountered Master, the founder of Falun Dafa. And I’ve never met a group of people who gather not for fame, fortune, or profit, but simply to elevate themselves and become more noble—until I met Falun Dafa cultivators.

Falun Dafa is the only pure land in this world, and deserves our respect. It guides people toward brightness, warmth, and purity. I’ve written down my experiences and hope that everyone who reads this feels how precious and magnificent Falun Dafa is.