(Minghui.org) I want to thank the practitioners who run the Minghui website for their hard work and for helping practitioners in China. I’ve benefited greatly. I’m grateful for other practitioners’ sharing articles, which encouraged me and gave me confidence when I was at the lowest point in my cultivation.
I nearly gave up cultivation several times. I made many mistakes and felt ashamed to face Master, Dafa, and fellow practitioners. I always felt guilty and had no confidence in continuing to cultivate. But with Master’s compassionate guidance and care, and fellow practitioners’ sharing gave me hope and helped me overcome my fear and resume practicing diligently.
When I read the article “Letting Go of the Notion of Being Persecuted,” it reminded me of my cultivation state before the persecution. At that time, I felt that Dafa was really good. Every word of the Fa touched my heart. I truly believed in Master and the Fa from the bottom of my heart. When I knew that Dafa disciples needed to validate the Fa and clarify the truth I was determined to let more people know about Dafa.
Due to my work schedule, I didn’t have much time to clarify the facts face to face. I distributed flyers or put up posters, sometimes up to two hundred pieces of materials every night. Even though time was tight, I kept up with my Fa study and did the exercises; I was very diligent. I was deeply honored to be Master’s disciple and help people understand the facts. Even though it was hard work, I enjoyed it and did not feel tired.
I Begin Stepping Off the Cultivation Path
Without realizing it, I began to compare myself with fellow practitioners. I thought whoever did more cultivated better. I developed many attachments, such as a competitive mentality, jealousy, looking down on others, being unable to handle criticism, and being attached to myself.
These human thoughts and attachments made me deviate from the Fa. I only wanted to do more and do things faster, and I regarded doing things as cultivation. In fact, Master gave me many hints, but I just didn’t understand, and then, I was persecuted.
After I was released, I was trapped in fear and couldn’t move forward. I was frightened. I felt the police were constantly watching me—as though eyes were staring at me every moment, and that my family watched me. I was overcome with self-blame and guilt. I felt bad for Master’s painstaking efforts to save me, but felt I betrayed Master. The painful feeling is indescribable.
Two years passed. I kept thinking, should I cultivate or not? I couldn’t let go of Dafa, because the Fa had taken root in the depths of my life but if I did cultivate, I was afraid I’d be persecuted again. A couple of years passed, and I stopped being involved in truth-clarification projects. Fortunately, I continued reading the Fa and doing the exercises. I felt stuck and very anxious, but I couldn’t find a way out.
After reading the article “Letting Go of the Notion of Being Persecuted,” I realized that I trapped myself and failed to examine my every thought, word, and deed.
A Ray of Hope
In the article, the practitioner said, “When some Falun Dafa practitioners encounter physical discomfort or other obstacles and setbacks, they immediately attribute it to persecution by the old forces. But is that thought correct? It could be that the discomfort we experience is because Master is adjusting our bodies or perhaps it’s a manifestation of the growth of our gong potency. When things don’t go as we expect, it could be a hint from Master to not do things that way. Of course, we can’t rule out the possibility of interference by the old forces.”
When I read this, I reflected on whether I was the one described by the practitioner. The result was shocking when I looked within—I was the one! I didn’t cultivate my heart or speech. Whenever I ran into a problem, I did not use the standard of a cultivator to measure it; instead, I vented and complained like a non-cultivator.
Cultivation is related to everything in our lives, big or small. Even our words, deeds, and thoughts are part of cultivation, but I separated them.
I thought that cultivating was all about studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending forth righteous thoughts, and clarifying the truth and distributing materials. I was quite casual at other times and did and said whatever I wanted.
I discovered my shortcomings when I read this sharing article. I realized that I didn’t know how to cultivate or how to look within. After ten years, I still feel that I haven’t truly begun cultivating.
I also realized that I didn’t wholly believe in Master and Dafa. Otherwise, I should remember what Master told us:
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
If I had regarded all the unpleasant things I encountered as good things and only thought that all the troubles were good things that happened to help me improve and elevate myself, then things would be different. Those are righteous thoughts—only Master is in charge of me!
Did I believe that what Master said was the truth of the universe, that Master had power, that Master was in charge, and that Master’s arrangements were above all else? In fact, in my heart, I did not have 100% faith in Master and the Fa and I wavered when I was threatened with persecution.
The sharing article benefited me greatly, and I resumed cultivating with a new perspective. I will diligently cultivate, do the three things well, and follow Master home.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
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