Uncovering Hidden Jealousy

(Minghui.org) Jealousy sometimes isn’t obvious, and may be hidden by other attachments. I recently read practitioners’ sharing articles about identifying and eliminating one’s hidden resentment and jealousy. I thought I didn’t have these two attachments, but when I examined myself, I noticed that I did.

The Jealousy Hidden Behind Affection Among Family Members

When my brother moved out of my parents’ home, they gave much of their property, including agricultural vehicles, fields, and dairy cows, to him and his wife, and only kept part of their land for themselves. According to local custom, the family property is given to the son. They already gave them so much, and my mother gave them money, tens of thousands yuan at a time, even though my brother’s family was relatively wealthy. My mother and father lived frugally.

My younger sister and I were unhappy with our mother for doing this. I asked my father, “Why do you give so much money to my brother? When you and mother get old, you won’t have enough money for yourselves! Your daughter-in-law is so petty, will she give you a penny for medical treatment? You have to be careful!”

My sister’s and my brother’s family did not have a good relationship, and I always felt that my parents favored him. I told my father, “Don’t give them so much money. You should help your youngest daughter because her family has to borrow money to run their business. Your daughter-in-law is so mean to you. I live far away. Who can you rely on when you’re old?”

On the surface, I was attached to family affection. I was worried that my parents would suffer if they had no money for health care when they got old. I pitied my younger sister’s family because they lived a hard life. When I looked deeper within me I realized that I was jealous of my brother and sister-in-law.

In my view, my brother and his wife cared about their own interests and they were not grateful, yet my parents were willing to give them money. My sister and I were considerate and filial to our parents, but our parents never gave us anything. I had money, and I gave my parents money on holidays and birthdays. I was unhappy that my brother’s family rarely spent money on our parents, although I didn’t say anything. But, when my parents gave them money, weren’t they actually giving them my money?

When my younger sister’s family experienced financial difficulty, she and her husband didn’t have enough money and had to borrow some to run their business. My parents didn’t lend her any money, but they often gave money to my brother’s family. I thought my parents were unreasonable. On the surface, I was defending my sister, but in fact, I was jealous.

The Jealousy Hidden Behind My Resentment

Both my sister and I suffered from a heart disease when we were children. Before we married, my father took my sister to a big hospital which cured her heart disease, but he didn’t take me for the treatment. At that time I was scared of my father and I didn’t say anything. Whenever I thought about this, I resented him. I started to practice Falun Dafa to cure my heart problem. When I later thought about it, this might have all been arranged. After I began practicing and reading the teachings I realized this was resentment, which should be cultivated away.

When I looked inward I found I was jealous of my sister. Of course, I was happy that my sister’s heart disease was cured, but I felt my father treated me unfairly. A fellow practitioner suggested I re-think the matter and pointed out:

1. My father didn’t take me to see a doctor because my family couldn’t afford it. If I thought about it, I wouldn’t resent him.

2. If both my sister and I had heart disease, and my father didn’t take either of us for treatment, I wouldn’t resent him.

I saw that my resentment towards my father on this matter contained two parts: My father didn’t take me for medical treatment, but he took my sister for medical treatment. The former was resentment. The later was jealousy.

Jealousy Hidden Behind Personal Gain

My father-in-law paid several thousand yuan for my late husband’s medical expenses. After my husband died, I gave our house to my father-in-law to repay him, and I moved into my mother’s house with my young child. My husband and I had 13 acres of farmland. Ten acres was given by my father-in-law as my bride price. My father-in-law took the 10 acres back after my husband died. The remaining 3 acres of land were far from where I lived, so my father-in-law farmed the land and each year he gave me and my son about 200 yuan in rental fees when we visited him for the new year. Later the land price increased, but he still only gave us 200 yuan. I had financial difficulty at that time. I was very unhappy and resentful towards my father-in-law. I stopped asking him for the rent, and thought I would take the land back when my parents-in-law died. Before my father-in-law died, he gave all 13 acres of land, including my 3 acres, to his second daughter, my sister-in-law.

My sister-in-law’s family was quite wealthy. She pretended nothing happened when she got my land and didn’t say a word. I angrily told my son, “Call her and ask for the three acres of land back!” My son thought for a while and said, “Let’s forget it. If we ask her for the land we’ll quarrel. We’ve survived without the three acres of land when we were really poor before. Now I have a job and I’m making money. It’s not so important. No loss, no gain. Just take it easy.”

I thought about it, and remembered Master’s Fa. I no longer talked about it because I wanted to avoid conflict, but I didn’t completely eliminate my desire for personal gain.

When the price of land rose I felt unbalanced again. I thought: to rent 3 acres of land cost a few hundred yuan before, but now it could get 3,000 yuan each year in rent. Over the years the income from this land would have been about 20,000. That land was mine, why should my sister-in-law get it?! When I spoke to my son about the land again, he said, “Just let it go and follow the course of nature. If something is yours, you won’t lose it. If she takes what belongs to you she pays with her de (virtue). It’s very fair.”

When I studied the Fa, I understood this was an opportunity for me to eliminate my attachments to personal gain and resentment. I was finally able to eliminate my resentment and attachment to personal interest on this land matter, which disturbed me for over 20 years. I understood that all material gains in this human world are temporary, and I came to this world with the mission of saving sentient beings. My true wish is to help Master in Fa Rectification and return my true home. Everything that happens to me helps me complete my cultivation.

My son recently said, “When my aunt got the 3 acres of land, you felt it was unfair. On the surface it was an attachment to personal gain, but what was hidden behind was jealousy. Isn’t this true?”

I never thought about it like this. It was in fact jealousy. If my sister-in-law’s family was poor and she took the land, I wouldn’t feel bad. I’d help someone who needed money. But she was wealthy and got this property which belonged to me! I was upset, and I even thought that I’d rather have the government take the land instead of letting her get it. Wasn’t this thought evil?

Through studying the Fa and sharing with fellow practitioners, I understood: If someone is poor, I’m not jealous—in fact I pity them. Because my sister-in-law is wealthy I’m jealous. I wasn’t a truly good person who had compassion for everyone.

I’ll strive to eliminate my jealousy. One cannot have true compassion when jealousy lingers. Jealousy prevents us from improving and reaching higher levels. I’ll look inward and look for the jealousy which is hidden behind other attachments, and eliminate it.

Thank you Master for mercifully giving me hints! Thank you fellow practitioners for your selfless help!