Truly Looking Inward and Rectifying Myself

(Minghui.org) Cultivation is very serious and we face various tests every day. I want to rectify myself, assimilate to Dafa, and fulfill my prehistoric vows to save sentient beings.

I’ve focused on my business recently and spent less time on cultivation. Because of karma, I could not concentrate when I read the Fa or did the exercises, and my cultivation was seriously hindered. Enlightened by Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, six months ago I started to memorize the Fa and my cultivation quickly improved. Whenever I encountered issues, I remembered the teachings.

I memorized Master’s articles, “Why Save Sentient Beings” and “On Dafa.” I also transcribed and memorized Lecture One of Zhuan Falun. From On Dafa, I understood how to act when encountering problems. One benefit of memorizing the Fa was that I was able to eliminate distracting thoughts. Some other human thoughts that were deeply hidden surfaced, but I eliminated them.

I was gradually able to make some breakthroughs in cultivation. One time after copying the Fa, I clearly saw a golden ring surrounding my head. I knew Master was encouraging me.

Eliminating the Attachment to Lust

After my thoughts became clear I noticed a gap in my cultivation. It was the attachment of lust.

When I lived in New York, misled by modern society’s concepts, I didn’t pay attention to my behavior. I was involved in an affair before my divorce was finalized, but I didn’t realize my behavior deviated from traditional values.

Not long after I left my teaching position, I started to drift along with everyday people, and I was unable to differentiate between upright and deviated behavior. I once again had a sexual relationship. It was a big stain on my cultivation.

Master said,

“It isn’t a problem for you to cultivate while conforming to ordinary human society to the maximum extent. For you to live as husband and wife is fine, but if you aren’t husband and wife and have sexual relations, then you are doing the filthiest thing. That is something gods absolutely cannot accept—not a single god accepts it.” (Teachings at the Conference in the Eastern U.S.)

From this lecture, I learned that my behavior was wrong, and didn’t meet the standard for a cultivator. I started to rectify myself based on the Fa, and my thoughts became upright. I have worked hard to eliminate whatever was interfering with me.

When I first started practicing, the karma I accumulated in the past interfered with me. Before I could finish reading Zhuan Falun I was distracted by all kinds of temptations. If Master hadn’t encouraged me I wouldn’t be able to eliminate the interference.

Another flaw that hindered my cultivation was that I did not sincerely believe in Master and Dafa. This disbelief was the fundamental reason I hadn’t been able to eliminate attachments. Although Master gave me hints, I still didn’t understand. I was unable to diligently cultivate, and stumbled on the cultivation path that Master arranged for me.

I had an attachment of fear. Recently, I saw a person wearing a shirt with the word “FEAR” on it. This frightened me and I knew Master wanted me to remove this attachment, but it was difficult. I knew this because I tried to eliminate my fear years ago when I tried to clarify the truth to the judicial officers in China by phone.

Looking Inward and Maintaining Righteous Thoughts

As I further looked within, I found a deeply hidden notion which I couldn’t eliminate. I knew I had to strengthen my righteous thoughts and let my true self take control. It turned out that I always believed that improving in cultivation was done by doing the exercises to improve my physical body. I didn’t realize that real improvement is through upgrading my xinxing.

As I continued looking inward, I identified more attachments such as laziness, selfishness, complacency, pride, resentment, and jealousy. I realized these attachments held my cultivation back.

In my more than 20 years of cultivation, I always looked outside for factors that caused my problems. I didn’t know that only by looking inward could I see the attachments that caused my suffering and eliminate the karma I created throughout my lifetimes.

Master gave me many hints this year, which helped me move forward in my cultivation. When I meditated, I sensed some human notions emerging from my attachments that were well-hidden and needed to be uprooted. I know that only by diligently cultivating can I completely eradicate these attachments and continue on the cultivation path arranged by Master, and eventually return to the place that Master prepared for me.