Looking Inward and Cultivating Compassion

(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for more than 20 years, since 1998. I have tried to look inward, according to Dafa’s standard, to find my own shortcomings, all these years. It is only in the last couple of years, however, while dealing with my sister-in-law, that I have begun to understand what looking inward truly means.

Eliminating the Attachment of Feeling Wronged

Over the years when I had conflicts with my sister-in-law, I often felt hurt and wronged. I then tried to expand my capacity and forgive her.

During a summer vacation, I tutored her daughter, my niece, for a month. I took care of her, including her food, lodging, expenses, and overall well-being. Her math score improved from 50-60 to over 100.

My sister-in-law showed zero appreciation. When I brought my niece back to their home, my sister-in-law did not even bother to come out to talk to me. In fact, she did not visit or call during the entire month when her daughter was with me. I really felt wronged. I thought, “I have done so much for your daughter, yet you do not say a word of thanks!”

I began looking inward and found my attachments. I was eager to be respected and recognized by others. It was all about myself. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate this attachment, and gradually the bad feelings subsided.

Looking From Other People’s Perspective

I further realized that not only should I look inward, but I should also view things from other’s perspective. Looking inward should be unconditional.

I visited my parent’s home one day, and when I saw chicken stew being prepared, I said happily, “I like chicken feet.” My nephew heard me.

At the dinner, my nephew picked up a chicken foot and gave to me, “Auntie, you like it, you have it.” When I was just about to praise the boy, his mother, my sister-in-law, said with a gloomy face, “Your mother, I, like it too. So does your grandma.”

I was embarrassed and unhappy. I said to my nephew, “Give it to your mother. Good boy.”

After dinner, I calmed down and tried to get rid of my unhappiness. I tried to put myself in my sister-in-law’s shoes. She might be feeling unhappy that her son gave the chicken foot to me, not to her. She might be jealous, which was understandable.

Master taught us:

“Therefore, from now on when you come across a conflict you should not consider it a coincidence. This is because when a conflict occurs, it will take place unexpectedly. But that is not a coincidence—it is for improving your xinxing. As long as you treat yourself as a practitioner, you can handle it properly.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

I thought, what just happened was not accidental, and it was for my cultivation. Didn’t I have jealousy as well? I sometimes liked to hear gossip and bad things about someone, so I could find a sense of superiority. Wasn’t that jealousy? I should enjoy hearing good things about others and be truly happy for others.

I appreciated that my sister-in-law gave me opportunities to improve myself.

Cultivating Compassion

Once when I was doing the sitting meditation, I thought of my sister-in-law. She had a difficult life. She lost her father when she was young, and her health was not very good. I thought of the times when she helped me improve my xinxing, and I felt truly thankful from the bottom of my heart. Looking back, every time I had conflicts with her, my initial thought was always so impure and selfish. I found that I really let her down, and I couldn’t help but feel compassion for her. Master saw my heart and helped me improve my relationship with her.

Several days later, my sister-in-law came to visit my home with my brother. I had lived in my apartment for several years and this was her first visit. I made dumplings for them. We chatted during dinner. With sincere compassion, I advised her to cultivate Dafa. She was moved and burst into tears.

My sister-in-law then changed. In the past she did not want to take care of her children, but she now she arranges for them to live in her room. She used to lose her temper with her husband all the time, but now she tries to control it. She used to have a bad relationship with my mother (her mother-in-law), and she was always angry, but she now has a much better relationship with my mother. When my husband needed money for surgery, she took the initiative to lend us her savings.

From the positive changes my sister-in-law went through, I realized that looking inward should be unconditional. I realized that I should always put myself in the other person’s shoes and sincerely look within. When I see another person’s shortcomings, I should look at myself for the same problem, and I should not make any excuses. I should ask why the other person is dissatisfied. It’s time to unconditionally look at myself whenever problems occur.

This is my understanding at my current level of cultivation.