Letting Go of Attachment to Fear and Catching Up in Cultivation

(Minghui.org) I am a young Falun Dafa practitioner who began to cultivate in 2021. I was born into a family of Dafa practitioners, so I knew Dafa was good since I was a child. When I was just four years old, I learned to recite “On Dafa” and poems in Hong Yin. Even though I have an introverted personality, I was always eager and happy when we attended Fa study at my grandma’s. It was a meaningful period of time for me back then.

As I grew older, I got lost in the material world of everyday people, even though, deep in my heart, I still held a clear thought: “Dafa is good, and I will return to Dafa sooner or later.”

In 2021, I experienced sickness karma with symptoms of heart disease. Out of fear, I returned to Dafa cultivation, and in the following months, I tried to curb the attachments I had developed among everyday people. I committed myself to Fa study. But later I realized that I had a strong desire for selfish pursuits, which accompanied me quietly for a long time.

In addition, I also held onto a strong attachment of fear, which was reflected in all kinds of situations, and was sometimes hard to find. For example, having returned to cultivation later, I was afraid of being left behind; when clarifying the facts to people about Falun Gong, I was worried that they might have negative thoughts about the practice; when I distributed truth-clarification materials, I was fearful of being followed by the police. Sometimes I felt that I had to do it even though I was afraid, or, compelled by anxiety, that I must not stop, and so on.

With such impure motives and so many selfish thoughts, the evil exploited this gap. I was arrested and detained for a year and a half because I practiced Falun Dafa.

After I was released, I realized the importance of Fa study. I had so many loopholes because I’d failed to pay enough attention to studying the Fa, and as a result, I had a poor understanding of many Fa principles as well as why there were old forces and why they were persecuting Dafa practitioners. I didn’t realize that my human attachments had actually brought about much of the interference I experienced.

I spent as much time as possible studying the Fa calmly and reciting the Fa. I used to be very interested in everyday thing and thought I had an interesting personality. In fact, I mistook what I had acquired in everyday people’s society for my true self.

I also realized that to force myself to keep away from everyday people’s affairs is not a true rejection of them from my heart. Through intensive Fa study, I now feel that I am no longer drawn to those attractive things in everyday people’s society.

Think about it: How can beings who have obtained the Great Law of the universe be distracted by things in everyday people’s society? How can Dafa disciples who are not restricted by principles at everyday people’s level embrace those low-level things?

I realized that I had to make a fundamental change in my mindset, since what I did on the surface did not improve my character one bit. From forcing myself to change my conduct in the past to true elevation in understanding and cultivation, I was engulfed with a feeling of peacefulness.

I felt Master was pushing me forward with great kindness and I was improving very fast, just as Master said:

“I’m telling you that each level has its own form of manifestation, and that changes take place all throughout you, from head to toe, including the field surrounding your body. So when some people make quick breakthroughs and quick improvement in levels, changes occur every day.” (Teachings at the Conference in Canada)

I felt so fortunate that Master was still taking care of me even though I had let him down so much in the past.

How I Let Go of My Attachment of Fear

After I graduated from college, I moved to a different province and lived alone. The sudden freedom caught me off guard, and I was rather excited. I began to stay up late playing games, watching cartoons, and reading novels that were filled with violence and lust.

I ate takeaway every day and my daily schedule was a mess. As a result I wasted a lot of precious time. As time went on, I sensed an inexplicable feeling of emptiness behind the things I was so-called “enjoying.” My Dafa books were in a small metal box next to my bed. I had not opened it for a long time.

When I first developed the symptoms of heart disease, my mind was filled with negative thoughts and fear of death, as well as many human notions and thought karma. I was under enormous pressure.

I tried to reject them by telling myself: “They are not my true thoughts, not my true self.” I begged Master to strengthen me so that my true self would take control and suppress all those bad elements.

But each time I pulled through a test with righteous thoughts, I began to worry about the next one. Such worry turned into a fear of tests, and then I began to fear having fear. I then worried that, if I was overwhelmed by fear, I might go astray and take a negative turn.

At first, I was unable to differentiate which thoughts were mine and which were not. Gradually I realized that those feelings of fear were not from my true self and they were all false concepts used by the old forces to deceive me.

Master said in Zhuan Falun,

“Also, some people are always interfered with by foreign messages in their consciousness, and they believe whatever they are told by foreign messages; this problem can also take place.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

I thought this was exactly what I was doing, and I had to be clearheaded. I said to the old forces: “I only believe what Master Li has told me. The layers of fear and the way of thinking you have set up for me belong to you, and I don't accept them.”

Such thoughts suppressed those negative elements to a large extent, but they still tried to drag me down psychologically. I thought: “This ‘psychological shadow’ doesn’t affect me. Lives created by Dafa shine with brilliance everywhere, and there is no ‘shadow’ at all.”

When my true self came into play, I felt I could see through what was happening and was able to completely ignore the uncomfortable feelings in my body. I felt that the true me in a different dimension was calm and clearheaded, and the physical discomfort and fearful elements had nothing to do with me, and they could not hurt me in any way. I really needn’t pay attention to these things.

After I eliminated the fear and negative thinking layer by layer, the symptoms of my sickness karma also started to lessen until they became almost non-existent. My human notions are like an enormous mountain, and I need to chip away at them bit by bit on my path of cultivation.

Because I returned to Dafa cultivation late, I feel that the remaining time is extremely precious. As a young Dafa disciple, I know that there must be many other young Dafa disciples who may also be trapped in the ordinary human society, which is filled with materialistic desires, and they are unable to pull themselves out. The temptations in everyday people’s society are huge, and therefore few people were able to achieve consummation in cultivation in the past.

Yes, we may experience some hardships from time to time in cultivation, and sometimes we may even feel we would like to enjoy the pleasures in everyday society. However, Master reminded us,

“But didn’t you wait those thousands of years just for today?” (Teachings Given on Lantern Festival Day, 2003)

Master’s warning woke me up, and I would also like to wake up those fellow practitioners who have been trapped among everyday people like I used to be. Master has given us the best—how can we be obsessed with anything else?

When you feel confused in the practice, please be clearheaded and say “No” to those illusions that try to confuse you and pull you back. With this thought, Master will certainly take care of you.

The above is only my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.