Identifying and Eliminating My Selfishness

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. After I finished reading Zhuan Falun, all my questions about life were answered.

The other practitioners suggested I become a volunteer assistant, so I did. Every morning I brought the music player and the banner with information about Falun Dafa and led everyone to do the exercises. To let more people know about Falun Dafa, we practiced the exercises near the road. The passing cars and people could see us and read our banner.

As soon as the exercise music started, I felt surrounded by an energy field and it was wonderful. I could not hear the noise from the passing vehicles. The other practitioners and I cherished this opportunity to do the exercises together.

I showed newcomers how to do the exercises. I was very happy at first, but as the number of people increased, I had little time to do the exercises with the group.

If this situation continued, wouldn’t it hinder my practicing the exercises? I felt troubled. When I saw that the substance which made me feel troubled was a mass of black matter, I calmed down. I was not “troubled” instead it was that substance—selfishness, which was afraid it would be eliminated. I thought, “Okay, I am going to show people the exercises every day and trouble you to death!”

I kept showing people the exercises and that troubled feeling gradually disappeared. My heart calmed down. A practitioner suggested I ask other practitioners to take turns teaching the exercises. Through this incident I had a superficial understanding of “selfishness.”

Becoming Aware of My Selfish Nature

What made me really see “selfishness” was on October 2, 2000, when I went to Beijing to validate the Fa.

I decided to go to the Tiananmen Rostrum to practice the exercises and tell people how good Falun Dafa is. I walked to the center of the rostrum, faced the square and prepared to do the second exercise. However, my arms felt so heavy, like two mountains, and I could not raise them. I stood there for two hours. I noticed some armed police officers kept staring at me. In the end, I left the rostrum and returned to the hotel, devastated.

I was depressed, and thought: “You missed your chance to raise your realm of enlightenment this time! There will not be any more chances! You will not be able to attain enlightenment!”

These thoughts weighed me down like a giant mountain, and I kept struggling under this “mountain” in extreme despair. Then I thought, “Master did not teach us this way!” That thought awakened me, “Yes! Master did not teach us this way!” I immediately understood and I saw my attachment to selfishness.

I came to Beijing hoping to speak a word to uphold justice for Dafa and clear Master’s name. I did not think of my own enlightenment (consummation) and whether I could attain it.

The thought of wanting to consummate is a selfish thought, and not mine. In that instant, I understood everything I did in the past, which I thought was done to promote Dafa, was in fact done out of selfishness. I began paying attention to eliminating this attachment.

Getting Rid of Selfishness

I soon returned to Beijing to validate Dafa. This time, I was arrested and taken to a detention center. I resisted the persecution, so I was tied to a door and I could not move. I was in unbearable pain, especially my lower back. The cell head walked towards me and said, “Falun is spinning!” I immediately understood that my pain was due to the spinning of the Falun, as it was cleansing my body. I understood that I might be suffering for the sentient beings there!

As soon as I had this thought, I was filled with joy. The pain suddenly disappeared, and I felt as if I was floating on a cloud. This was the first time I felt the wonderful realm of having no selfishness! The guard untied me, and I was acquitted. I felt Master’s benevolent protection!

Clarifying the Facts in a Forced Labor Camp

I once again went to Beijing to validate the Fa. I hadn’t been in contact with other practitioners so I didn’t get to read Master’s new lectures. I was not clear about some of the Fa principles. I cooperated with the evil and was arrested.

I reached the center of Tiananmen Square that morning and began doing the second exercise. I was practicing the exercise with my eyes closed when someone patted my shoulder and said, “Go back home to practice!”

I opened my eyes and saw a police officer in plainclothes. He gestured for me to leave, and so I began walking. A police car stopped and the officer inside called me over. He asked, “Are you a Falun Dafa practitioner?” I replied, “Yes!” They took me to the police department at the west side of Tiananmen Square.

I was later taken to a local forced labor camp, where practitioners were tortured and endured enormous psychological pressure. I knew I was there to disintegrate the evil and clarify the truth to people to save them. Despite the harsh environment, I was happy and calm.

One night, we were forced to watch programs filled with lies the CCP fabricated to defame Falun Dafa. Afterwards, the guards wanted us to discuss it. I thought I should expose the lies. I felt like I was sitting on a big Falun, and I was elevating.

A guard asked me to talk about my understanding. I had three ideas, which were the right answers to expose the CCP’s lies. I rebutted the lies one by one. When I finished speaking the guard seemed to be deflated and quickly announced, “End of meeting.”

Another time a guard asked a few practitioners, who had been “transformed,” to try to transform me. At that moment, Master enlightened me to make use of this chance to save them. I told them, “This is Master’s arrangement for me to save you!”

I started to tell them about my understanding of the scary consequences of being transformed. They were moved and talked about share some of their cultivation experiences with me. I knew that they were coming back to Dafa.

Further Eliminating Selfishness After Memorizing the Fa

After I returned home I was fired by my company and had to go to another city to look for a job. I had to start my life all over again.

In order to cultivate myself well and complete my mission, I knew I needed to study the Fa well. Master enlightened me to start memorizing the Fa. I thought: No matter what situations I may face, I must memorize the Fa. I discovered that my righteous thoughts were strong, and I understood that all the disturbances that appeared while I was memorizing the Fa were all false.

Under Master’s empowerment, I made use of my free time during the next eight months to memorize Zhuan Falun. There were disturbances. However, due to my righteous thoughts, they didn’t stop me. While I memorized, the Fa principles kept appearing, and my heart became more and more pure. I felt Master was right by my side. Whenever I meditated, I was able to calm down immediately and get into the state where I no longer felt my body—only my mind remained.

I saw that the gong (energy) column above my head was thin and tall. Just then, I experienced a layer of the realm that seemed being empty but not, seemed to be made up of matter but not matter, and no life that had a form was in sight. I wanted to break through that realm but couldn’t. I knew that my cultivation stopped at that level.

I found that the dimensional field in my mind had something that looked like a “column” while my thought was like a thin “thread” that kept going around the “column.” I then understood that the layer of the substance, which was seemingly empty but not empty and seemed like matter but was not matter, was exactly the “selfishness” of the old universe. That “column” in my dimensional field was exactly the “selfishness” being reflected in my thoughts. I understood that “selfishness” could penetrate to such a microscopic level!

I started to inspect my thoughts to see if they revolved around “selfishness.” If they did, I immediately corrected them. I understood that in our cultivation, Master wants us to change our selfish and self-centered way of thinking which came from the old universe. Master bestows us with a new way of thinking for the beings in the new universe, which is to be selfless, and put others before ourselves.

The “selfishness” not only obstructed me from improving in my cultivation and assimilating to Dafa, it also interfered with my saving people, but I did not realize it. I now better understood the true origins of sentient beings.

When I started cultivating what Master said resonated with me,

“The Buddha School emphasizes cultivating Shan of Zhen-Shan-Ren. Because the cultivation of Shan can generate great, benevolent compassion, when compassion develops one will find all beings suffering and thus develop an aspiration to offer salvation to all beings.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

My Understanding of Being Selfless

However, as I was not diligent in my cultivation, selfishness often interfered with me and I lost many chances to save people. During the COVID pandemic, I clarified the truth to someone and told her that reciting the two phrases, “Falun Dafa is Good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is Good” can help one stay safe, but she could not accept it. I said, “I’m telling you this for your own good!” but she still didn’t listen. I said from the bottom of my heart, “I hope that all the good people can survive this disaster!” She suddenly seemed to be moved, and accepted what I said.

Initially, I did not understand why she wouldn’t accept the truth when I told her it was for her own good, but she changed her attitude and accepted the truth as soon as I said I hope all good people can survive this disaster. I finally understood. When I said that it was for her own good, it was coming from selfishness on my part. However, when I said that I hope all good people can survive this disaster, which was my true selflessness, she listened. Only selfless thinking conforms to Dafa, which can bring salvation to sentient beings.

Only when my heart is filled with the welfare of all sentient beings can I truly assist Master in saving them.