Cultivating Forbearance Through Conflicts with My Daughter-in-law

(Minghui.org) Many people think that in-law relationships are the most complicated family issues. Before my son got married, I thought I would be able to get along well with my daughter-in-law, since I had started practicing Falun Dafa back in 1998. It turned out that I was too optimistic.

My daughter-in-law was known for her hot temper. She easily became angry over trivial things. Once she lost her temper, she scolded or even hit people. She and my son have a daughter that her mother had taken care. I moved from a village into their house in the city to look after my granddaughter when she started kindergarten. That was when I had real contact with my daughter-in-law. That was also when our conflicts started.

From the time I arrived at their house, and my daughter-in-law started to pick on me whenever she was at home. She found fault with almost everything I did. She complained that I did not clean the house well enough, make adequate meals, or get the clothes clean when I washed them. She verbally abused and even hit me. She was the most unreasonable person I had ever met.

I remembered Master Li (the founder of Falun Dafa) said:

“When you have suffered all of this, you didn’t stoop down to his level, your heart was calm, so you did not strike back when hit or talk back when cursed at.” (Lecture Given at the Conference in Sydney)

I thus endured her behavior and didn’t say a word. But we still had conflicts. I was not happy and wrote down everything that happened, so I would have something to throw in her face one day. Looking back, I was shocked to realize that I had such a strong attachment to revenge! Although superficially it seemed that her behavior didn’t bother me, at the bottom of my heart, I was resentful. I lived in fear that she might blow up at any time.

As I continued to cultivate, I realized that nothing happens by accident, and that the root cause of our conflicts might be my karma. My daughter-in-law actually was helping me eliminate my karma, so I should have thanked her instead and no longer worried.

One day when she lost her temper and yelled at me for no reason, my son could not take it and argued with her. I stopped him, saying that she would be fine once she blew off a little steam. I didn’t feel resentful this time and kept smiling, although I did not fully let go of the grievance (cultivating xinxing was very difficult even though I understood the principles of Dafa).

My daughter-in-law still got angry from time to time, but I believed what Master said:

“Mercy can melt heaven and earth into spring” (Fa Rectifies the Cosmos, Hong Yin II)

I tolerated her unreasonableness, and told myself to focus more on what was good about her. Other than being grumpy and irritable, she was dedicated to the family and did not have many of the bad habits that most young people had.

I still did the household chores as always and took good care of my granddaughter. When my daughter-in-law was in a good mood, I chatted with her and kindly reminded her about the bad effects of losing one’s temper. She slowly sensed my kindness and appreciated my help, and lost her temper less and less often.

One day recently, she made a big issue over dumplings. We had dumplings for lunch, and I kept some of the leftovers warm in the pot for my granddaughter. I saved the rest along with newly-made ones in the fridge. I fed my granddaughter the dumplings in the pot when she got home from school. My daughter-in-law lashed out at me for feeding her daughter the leftovers and for not heating them up enough. She also threw away all the dumplings in the fridge.

Master said:

“When one runs into a conflict, it may manifest as a xinxing tribulation between two persons. If you can endure it, your karma will be eliminated, your xinxing will improve, and your gong will increase as well. All of these will come together.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falum)

I felt that I might not have eliminated my karma completely, and that Master may be using this incident to help me. After my daughter-in-law finished complaining, I felt very calm and went to my room to study the Dafa teachings.

The next day, my daughter-in-law called before I could make fresh buns for my granddaughter. She said, “Mom, you don't have to cook fresh food for my daughter when she comes home from school. Just heat up the old buns.”

What a relief! Our conflict was finally resolved. I am extremely grateful to Master, who encouraged me to pass the test this way.

Without Master’s guidance, I really don’t know how I would have improved my relationship with my daughter-in-law. I would like to thank Master again for using her as an opportunity to help me cultivate and improve my xinxing.