Harmonizing My Relationship with My Husband by Changing My Mentality

(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. The Chinese Communist Party began its persecution against Falun Dafa in 1999. I was fired from my job because I refused to give up my faith. Afraid of losing his position as a government official, my husband divorced me. I became homeless.

Then, I met my current husband. We had similar experiences and have the same goal—to be diligent cultivators. These circumstances bought us together.

Since we both practice Falun Dafa, I thought we would get along well. On the contrary, we constantly disagreed.

Our temperaments, education and life experiences were quite different. I’m 10 years younger than my husband, and I’m educated. My personality is easygoing. My husband only finished sixth grade; he’s usually in a grumpy mood and is difficult to get along with.

I disliked his male dominance and self-centered attitude. My husband complained about my lack of gentleness. He said I was outspoken, had too many human attachments, didn’t pay attention to safety, and more. Our true selves wanted to be diligent cultivators. However, our human sides clashed with each other, and neither one of us wanted to compromise.

We argued like ordinary people. The situation at home escalated to the point that I was unable to move forward in cultivation. I wanted a divorce. He refused. I could not improve myself and I was tormented by emotion. My human thoughts dragged me down. I was eventually persecuted and sentenced to prison.

I knew I must learn from this situation, as I did not take my cultivation seriously. I knew I had loopholes, but I never thought I could fall so hard. After I calmed down, I re-examined my cultivation. 

All these years, I was busy doing Dafa projects but neglected my cultivation. Old attachments such as ambition, competitiveness, jealousy, hatred, lust, desire to validate my abilities, and more were still bothering me, but they were amplified.

As cultivators, we know we should search within ourselves and eliminate worldly attachments. Why didn’t I do that? It was because making pamphlets and fixing office equipment is easier than looking inward and cultivating myself. I used Dafa projects to cover up my attachments. Getting rid of human attachments is painful. Even when the cultivation tests in front of me were obvious, I evaluated the challenges using ordinary people’s logic.

I realized that after many years of cultivation, I had not changed my stubborn human concepts formed in this world. Therefore, my husband and I were often stuck at the same place and our conflicts escalated. I never truly cultivated myself nor improved when I studied the Fa.

My husband often used sharp words when he lost his temper with me. I responded with sarcasm instead of measuring myself with the Fa. My husband has been helping me to improve all along, but I did not realize it. I should have thanked him. But I repeatedly missed these opportunities. I even thought getting a divorce would end our issues.

After my notions changed, I decided to search within and earnestly cultivate. Master has always encouraged and protected me, constantly hinting at where I need to work on to improve myself. I did not cultivate myself, which led to all my troubles.

Since then, I measure myself to higher standards no matter what happens. I no longer worried if my husband was right or wrong. I put myself in his shoes and forgave his imperfections. I still lost my temper, but I apologized to him. I gradually improved, and my husband changed too. He stopped getting angry the way he used to. I no longer think about getting divorced. Our marriage is now solid and indestructible. We are picking up speed on our cultivation path.

This was a hard lesson for me. I hope other practitioners do not get lost like I did. I took such a long detour before I realized what I needed to do. Missed opportunities were lost forever. I recommend that practitioners who cannot consistently cultivate themselves based on the Fa memorize the article “The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be” and read it often.