Further Understandings of Jealousy

(Minghui.org) Some time ago, a conflict took place between practitioner Zhen and me, and it was a test of my xinxing. On the surface, I had good intentions behind wanting Zhen to come to my house for Fa study. However, due to many reasons, a misunderstanding occurred and the conflict between us became a tight knot that got tighter and tighter. The end of the year is usually a time when many things need to be done. This is a time when practitioners’ help is needed. I wanted to meet her to clear things up, but she refused to meet me. I felt so bitter in my heart. I felt that not only did she not help out, she was even giving me trouble.

Practitioner Anqi came to see me. I exchanged thoughts with her and asked her to tell me directly if she saw that I had any problems. In that way, I would be able to improve more quickly. She said that I was impatient, lacked compassion, and also seemed to have some attachment to pursuit. Hearing that, I started to give her some reasons why. When I spoke about my conflict with Zhen, I kept saying that there was a misunderstanding and so on. Anqi said, “Don’t just talk about the matter. This is just a display on the surface. The critical point is how your heart moved.” I realized that what Anqi said was right. I should calm down and look within.

During this period of time, I also interacted with another practitioner Cai. I wanted to help another practitioner contact fellow practitioners for some matters. In the end, Cai pointed out that I should not be spreading information among fellow practitioners, as it could affect their safety. At that time, I felt unhappy and thought in my heart, “If all of you do not tell people about it, who would know? You all are the ones going around spreading information and now you are putting the blame on me.” However, my rationality knew that Cai was right to be responsible to Dafa and fellow practitioners.

Having encountered these two situations with practitioners in succession made me realize that cultivation is about bypassing the surface display and looking at one’s heart. Master said, 

“We, on the other hand, directly target one’s mind and cultivate according to the universe’s highest characteristic and to the universe’s form. Naturally, gong increases quite quickly.” (Lecture Five, Zhuan Falun)

When I realized this, I came across Master’s lectures that are related to this point. Reflecting back on my conflict with Zhen, when I looked within, I knew that Zhen was actually helping me get rid of my karma and improve my xinxing. However, I only found the attachments to vying with others and complaining about others, but I did not dig further.

I participated in a small Fa study group. Actually, I did not really feel like going, but I felt that because it was a project to rescue fellow practitioners who had been arrested and detained I must go. As such, I had been joining the group persistently. Once when we were studying the Fa, the energy field was especially good. When we finished studying Lecture Four, a practitioner suggested that we finish studying Lecture Five too. Therefore, we continued to study Lecture Five. As we studied, I held the book in my hands, and my eyes actually saw another dimension. It was just like stage curtains opening up from the center. I felt my pair of eyes looking at my heart. A few big words appeared, “Look down on others.” 

At that time, this really felt like an enlightenment. Behind my vying with and complaining about Zhen, there was actually this attachment of looking down on others. I looked down on her because she was busy earning money and did not go out to clarify the truth. I looked down on my husband because I thought he was stupid, always asking me about this and that, making me become very impatient and angry with him. I also looked down on my son and his girlfriend, as I thought that since he started seeing her, nothing had gone smoothly, and they just created a whole load of problems. I looked down on the coordinating practitioner because I thought that she was inconsistent with how she did things. So I actually had such a strong attachment to looking down on others, and I did not realize it at all. If not for Master’s enlightenment, I would still be lost in it.

Master said, 

“Why have the old forces been so harsh toward Dafa disciples? On the one hand, they are jealous of you. On the other, they look down on certain Dafa disciples who have too many and too strong of human thoughts, who are not grounded in the Fa in different situations, and who look at things in human ways.” (“Dafa Spiritual Practice is Serious”)

So the attachment to looking down on others is also a characteristic of the old forces. At the same time, I saw that the dimension that corresponds to this bad attachment is dark and a large amount of evil is hiding within this dimension.

I studied the Fa with other practitioners once, and because I remembered where we were at in the book incorrectly we studied Lecture Seven once more. At that time, I was able to get the Fa into my mind clearly. When we studied the part about jealousy, the content that was shown to me had changed. Throughout the whole segment, Master is actually talking about the old forces and their display. Jealousy is a characteristic of the old forces. The old forces’ disturbance to the Fa-rectification originated from jealousy and this is in opposition to Master and Dafa. Following that, the Fa that Master mentioned in the article “Realms” showed up in my mind. All evil is in opposition to Dafa and the root of all displays of a lack of compassion toward people originate from jealousy.

I recalled that a few years ago, I got into a conflict with another practitioner. That matter had gone by for some time, and I have also cultivated myself. However, dissatisfaction toward that practitioner still surfaces in my heart occasionally. One day it was raining heavily outside and I was doing some work. Suddenly, rainwater gushed inside from the double-layer glass window in the bedroom. At that time I was in a daze, but I immediately asked myself, “What does the big leak in the double-layer window want me to cultivate? What was I thinking of just now? As I worked, I had thought about that practitioner and become angry, thinking, ‘Anyway, my family is richer than hers.’” Isn’t this feeling unjustified and jealous?

There was another time, my son was making gestures at me, asking me to serve him. I thought to myself that this child should take some hardship, only then will he know how to be filial to his parents... if he were to meet with some unlucky accident, such as a car accident. I suddenly realized this was fighting evil using evil means. This was jealousy! At that instant, I saw that my own heavenly realm had been destroyed and reorganized. It was just like what Master mentioned in the lectures about the renewal of the heavenly bodies. I was really shocked by this incident.

The above are my understandings at my current level. Kindly correct me if there is any room for improvement.