Truly Improving During Family Conflicts

(Minghui.org) I would like to share my experiences during a recent family conflict.

In the article “Cultivation in Dafa Is Serious” Master mentioned resentment, harboring dissatisfaction, and looking at things with human notions.

I looked inward and measured myself against the Fa. I realized I often did not meet Master’s requirements. From trivial things in the family to conflicts in a project, I often held resentment towards others.

I thought I was kind and helped others. I never started a quarrel. My colleagues and friends all said this. However, my husband who is a fellow practitioner, and I experienced conflicts for a long time. I thought he was the one who started it. He often corrected me for what I thought were trivial things.

For example, I forgot to give the cashier the discount coupon. When I got home, I found a new discount coupon and cheerfully told him, “I found a new discount coupon.” He began criticizing me, saying that I always lost everything. The more he talked, the more exaggerated his tone became. I was angry and argued with him, saying he had too much Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. I said he didn’t respect anyone, and that his family was the same and liked to exaggerate small things.

I felt that I was the one who supported the family financially. In addition to a full-time job, I’m also involved in a project. I was tired. He did not have to work and only had to concentrate on a project. I believed he argued with me about small things because he had too much free time. I was so angry that night I couldn’t sleep.

The next night when I booked Shen Yun tickets for a client, he asked to pay for the tickets separately from his wife. I thought, “Is there such a thing as a husband and wife paying for their tickets separately?” I placed two orders as he asked.

He told me a joke: “I read a story today about a Christian couple arguing about who would make the coffee in the morning. The husband said he made the money. He had to go to work first thing in the morning, so he did not have time to make coffee. The wife said that the Bible says husbands should care for their wives. The husband said the Bible said nothing about husbands making coffee.”

I realized that Master was using his mouth to enlighten me—the conflict between my husband and I looked ridiculous in others’ eyes.

I realized I paid attention to who did more and who did less at home. I always thought I did more and did everything better. I also unconsciously labeled others. For example, I can get along well with some practitioners but find others challenging to deal with. I felt some people were strongly indoctrinated by the CCP. I used this as an excuse to reject their criticism.

I realized that I pushed myself to do well because I wanted to live a peaceful life with fewer conflicts. I didn’t let go of my notions and attachments during disputes. I did not do anything to broaden my mind unconditionally. I didn’t positively understand others. I didn’t do things for others without asking for anything in return.

Cultivators must do a good job no matter where they are. If we can’t handle minor conflicts at home compassionately, how can we handle big tribulations? When a cultivator faces family members and fellow practitioners, they display their cultivation level. They often fail to look inward and see their own shortcomings, which is the root cause of the problem.