I Finally Let Go of Resentment

(Minghui.org) Even though I had a strong attachment to resentment, Master watched over me and guided me through his teachings. He compassionately arranged opportunities for me to see my resentment and eliminate it.

Master said,

“If we encounter these problems, we should not compete and fight like others. If you do what that person did, aren’t you an ordinary person? Not only should you not compete and fight like him, but also you should not resent that person in your heart. Really, you should not hate that person. If you hate that person, aren’t you upset? You have not followed forbearance. We practice Zhen-Shan-Ren, and you would have even less compassion to speak of.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

While I avoided direct conflicts with others, in my mind I often revisited past grievances. Over the years, I recognized these attachments, and I diligently worked to eliminate them and elevate my xinxing.

Discovering My Resentment

Throughout my career I consistently maintained good relationships with both leaders and colleagues, and they had a good impression of me. Our relationships became even more harmonious after I began practicing Falun Dafa. Aligning myself with the principles of Dafa, I prioritized cultivating myself, took material interests lightly, and consistently considered others first. My work environment seemed perfect, and I believed I was free of resentment. However, two years before my retirement an incident exposed my resentment.

That year, my company underwent significant restructuring and many colleagues used various tactics to secure better positions. With only two years left before my retirement, my leader allowed me to remain in my current position.

However, one day, one leader approached me and said that an individual was competing for my position. She resorted to threats, claiming she would take some form of action if her demands were not met. The leaders hoped I would voluntarily let her have my job. Without hesitation, I agreed. I felt that I upheld Dafa’s standard of thinking of others first.

However, when I reported to my new position at a kindergarten, I was shocked to see more than thirty children between two and a half and four years old. The only staff members were myself and an inexperienced assistant. I didn’t know where to begin, as no one provided any instructions or direction.

Another teacher said, “You know, no one wanted to work in this kindergarten. The person who took your position suggested that only you could handle it. That’s why they assigned you to this class.” The other teachers and one of the leaders sympathized with me and said it was unfair.

I momentarily forgot that I was a practitioner, and this was an opportunity to elevate my xinxing. Feeling overwhelmed, I reached out to the principal in tears, and complained about the challenges I faced in my new role. I asked her to reassign me.

The following day, when I saw her embarrassed expression, I remembered that I was a practitioner and should handle challenges with compassion.

Master said,

“Since studying Falun Dafa, these workers have been coming to work early and going home late. They work very diligently and will do any assignment their supervisor gives. They also no longer compete for personal gain.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun).

After I read what Master said, and enlightened, I viewed my new job from a different perspective. I developed a harmonious relationship with my assistant and we coordinated smoothly. When I retired my coworkers, the staff and parents praised me. I used the opportunity to tell them about Falun Dafa. As a result, many of them withdrew from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations.

Even though I never mentioned what happened, a noticeable distance developed between myself and the colleague who was given my former position. It wasn’t until after I retired, when a colleague brought up the incident, that I found myself recounting the story with anger. I suddenly realized I still resented the woman who took my job and the leader who arranged it.

At that moment I knew I had not comprehended the Fa and had not cultivated myself. I knew that I missed a valuable opportunity arranged by Master, to improve.

I Stop Resenting My Husband

Although I resented my husband for years I kept trying to improve. On the surface I was able to control myself, but when he criticized me I could not.

He constantly complained about me—from my cooking to what I purchased to my interactions with others. The situation sometimes became so intense that we yelled at each other, even over minor issues like misplaced items. Our relationship recently deteriorated, and we did not speak to each other for days. Even though I knew better, I often argued with him and I even complained to our children.

At times, I looked inward. I saw my attachments to jealousy, resentment, showing off, competitiveness, and a strong ego. I realized I was impatient and wanted to be praised. So, I sent righteous thoughts to get rid of these attachments. Despite all my efforts, I continued arguing with my husband.

One day when we began arguing, I tried to control myself by not responding, but the anger within me still burned.

That night, I had a vivid dream. I stood on a high, narrow platform without a guardrail. Suddenly, a familiar figure on my left fell with a terrified scream. I looked down, but couldn’t see the bottom. I felt in my heart that she was gone. I suddenly slipped and caused a landslide. I began running and managed to evade the danger.

When I woke up, I felt Master showed me this dream to enlighten me. It seemed that my longstanding attachments and resentment accumulated, and were like an iceberg, I was in grave danger.

When my husband woke up, I apologized to him.

My husband practiced the exercises before, but stopped when the persecution began. He resumed doing them to improve his health, but stopped again after two local practitioners were arrested.

When I looked inward, I realized that his negative attitude towards Dafa might be linked to my shortcomings at home, preventing him from fully understanding how wonderful Falun Dafa is.

I’ve lately noticed Master’s teachings about Buddhas not speaking frivolously. I realized that, to cultivate my speech, I must first focus on improving my character.

One day, while I was cooking, my husband repeatedly said something irritating. I could feel my anger rising, but this time I told myself, “I’m not going to engage in a fight. This time I won’t say anything.” Miraculously, I felt the resentment removed from my heart. It was truly a wonderful experience!

The joy of getting rid of the resentment that once blocked my heart was immense! Following this breakthrough, my husband’s words no longer felt harsh and I was able to calmly talk with him.

Conclusion

Resentment can negatively impact one’s mind, preventing people from thinking rationally and truly resolving issues.

Understanding that resentment is linked with other attachments harmful to both oneself and others, I was determined to eliminate it. The process was challenging, but I knew it was because I was holding onto attachments while attempting to remove them. My loopholes allowed the old forces to exploit my vulnerabilities and persecute me.

The process of writing this article helped expose and eliminate my attachments.

I always had difficulty meditating for one hour. However, after finishing this article, I was able to meditate for an additional twenty minutes, and I entered a state of tranquility. The persistent swelling in my legs vanished.