When I Stopped Deflecting Criticism, I Looked Inside and Truly Improved

(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from a rural area and obtained Dafa in 1998. Although I have cultivated for nearly 25 years, I did not do well in cultivation. I felt I let down our great and compassionate Master. I participated in a daily Fa study group for many years, but I still used human notions and argued when I encountered any conflict. I could do pretty well when handling conflicts with non-family members, but I could not control myself when I had a conflict with family members, especially with my husband, who is also a practitioner. I often argued with him until I was red in the face.

My husband and I rode an electric tricycle one day to visit a practitioner who lived in another village. Midway on our trip, a flock of sheep blocked the entire road. My husband said to me, “You should honk at them.” I pressed the horn several times, and the sheep got scared and ran away. The sheepherder was angry and cursed at us, and ran after his sheep. We drove away. After we left, my husband started talking about me. I felt upset. I said: “You told me to honk at them, and now you are complaining about me. You think you are always right.” I started to complain without stopping. I thought, “I should blame you, and now you are blaming me. I will never come out with you again.”

Afterward, I realized that this occurrence was an opportunity that Master arranged for me to improve, but my enlightenment was poor and I did not take advantage of it. 

Another day, I asked my husband to charge up the tricycle and prepare to go out to post Falun Dafa truth-clarification stickers. My husband noticed that one of the tricycle’s tires was flat. He shouted at me: “The tricycle has a flat tire. It must have been you. You punctured the tire when you took out the garbage.” I was in the kitchen preparing lunch at the time. I heard the shouting and rushed out. My husband told me, “You have to fix it!” I thought, “I must endure it this time no matter what you say.” So I put air in the tire, then drove to the repair shop with an air pump, in case I needed it later. The repair shop in our village was closed, so I went to a repair shop in another village. My mind was spinning while I was driving. There was a thought from the false-self: “This is a man’s job, but he did not do it, and he forced it on you.” I said to the false-self: “Today, I will not fall for your tricks. I must listen to my Master.”

Another thought from the false-self came to me later: “It is lunchtime. He does not cook, and neither does he fix the tricycle. When you get home, you’ll have to cook too.” I told the false-self: “I’ll cook when I get home.”

I went home after the tricycle was repaired. I entered the house and saw my husband sleeping with the air conditioner on. Another thought from the false-self came to my mind: “Look at you, you’re hot and sweaty, but you have to hurry to cook. Look at him, sleeping in the air-conditioned room, enjoying himself.” At this time, I was a bit moved and almost fell into the false-self’s trap. Then I asked myself: “Why are you moved?” At this time, Master’s poem came into my mind:

“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself. A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy. An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.(“Realms” from Essentials For Further Advancement)

I said to the false-self, “You are jealous. I won’t listen to you. I must listen to my Master.” I felt at ease and happily went to cook.

My Husband Helped Me Improve

My husband and I woke up at three o’clock daily to do the five Falun Dafa exercises. We often started with the one-hour meditation - the fifth exercise. Then we practiced the first four exercises and sent forth righteous thoughts at six o’clock. A fellow practitioner asked us, “Why do you start with the mediation? Practitioners usually start with the first four exercises, and then do the meditation.” I hurried to explain: “It is quiet in the early morning. It is good for meditation. It would already be daybreak if we started with the first four exercises.” I added, “Master said it was okay to do any set of the exercises.”

Also, I often needed to go to the bathroom during the second exercise, the Falun Standing Stance. My husband has pointed out this problem to me several times. I defended myself every time. One day I stopped in the middle of the standing exercise again. My husband said to me sternly, “What are you doing? Why are you so casual?” I didn’t speak and went to the bathroom.

This time I began to think about my behavior, wondering whether I was wrong, and not in line with the Fa. Why did I always go to the restroom during this exercise? I returned from the bathroom, and I continued doing the exercises. My husband said seriously, “You don’t know what you are doing. You’re so casual. You disrespect Master! You disrespect the Fa!” I was shocked after hearing this and immediately awakened: “Oh my! This is disrespecting Master and disrespecting the Fa!” Master gives the instructions with the exercise music and guides us to do the exercises. How can I treat Master’s compassion and hard work carelessly? I looked inward right away. Which attachment caused me to be stuck in that incorrect state for this long? Previously, I did not look inward; instead, I reasoned with my husband using human notions. I was shocked by what I found. It turned out that I was afraid of the hardship of holding the wheel while standing for a long time. That was the reason I wanted to do the meditation first, so I could run to the bathroom in the middle of the second exercise. Those were manifestations of laziness and fear of hardship. I was determined to change. Master, please strengthen my righteous thoughts and help me to do it right!

The next day we practiced the exercises by starting with the first exercise and continuing to the fifth exercise. I did not go to the bathroom in between. Everything became normal. I am sincerely grateful for Master’s arrangements to help me realize my problem. I am grateful for Master’s compassionate support! Master used my husband’s mouth to help me improve.