My Marital Problems Pointed Out My Attachments

(Minghui.org) I was illegally imprisoned for more than two years for practicing Falun Dafa. After I was released this year, I found my husband was living with another woman.

I didn’t know about my husband’s affair at first. He lied and told me he was staying at a friend’s house. When he asked if I still practiced Falun Dafa, I said I would never stop. He was upset and said he couldn’t stand the pressure of living with me, and that our relationship would never be the same. I asked him to not resent Dafa since it’s upright, and practitioners are good people. I even suggested we live separately if he was afraid to live with me.

My heart was turned upside down when I discovered he was living with another woman. I had all kinds of complaints, and I was unwilling to let go of my husband. I couldn’t calm down and had many sleepless nights. Although I knew the pain came from my human heart, I couldn’t control it, so I asked Master (the founder of Falun Dafa) to take away my “human heart.”

I spent more time studying the Fa. But when I faced the empty house at night, the feeling of loneliness swept over me and I couldn’t calm down.

I recalled when I first began practicing Falun Dafa in 2011. I was so happy to find what I had been looking for my entire life that I could give up anything. I wanted to focus on cultivation and let go of my attachments to money, self-interest, family ties, and more.

Growing up under the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) indoctrination, my atheist husband couldn’t understand Falun Dafa and was vehemently opposed to my practicing. I told him, “I will take care of you but won’t be intimate with you.” I realize now that my words really hurt him.

I thought I had strong righteous thoughts and was able to cut off love, sex, and desire. But twelve years later, I discovered I hadn’t really cultivated myself. Every time I talked to my husband about Dafa, the conversation ended up on a sour note.

I always negated his doubts about Dafa in a forceful manner. He couldn’t persuade me so he told our daughter to leave me alone. Thus I was able to study the Fa, do the exercises, and make informational materials at home. I thought I created a good home environment and my family accepted Dafa. In reality, they avoided me and some thought I was abnormal.

My husband’s infidelity stirred the depths of my soul and exposed the attachments that were hidden for a long time.

I had no patience and didn’t explain to my family in detail why Falun Dafa is persecuted. Besides not eliminating my emotional attachments, I forced others to agree with my point of view, which is a manifestation of competitiveness and not wanting to be criticized.

My jealousy emerged when I found out my husband was living with another woman. I hated her and refused to divorce my husband so that they couldn’t be together legally.

When I learned my sisters-in-law told my husband to divorce me while I was in prison, I texted my husband, “I won’t forgive them and hope they receive retribution.” I had a vengeful and resentful heart.

I was also possessive and self-centered. When we married, I noticed my husband and I both have a mole on the right side of our chests. After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I strongly believed we were from the same heavenly world, and that he was part of my life and belonged to me.

And last but not least, I discovered a deeply hidden attachment to fear—including the fear of loneliness. When I thought of my lonely life after losing my husband, I felt empty and was not at peace.

After I identified my attachments, I dealt with them one after another, and rectified myself based on the Fa. I didn’t want these attachments and I asked Master to help me eliminate them.

I often wondered whether I could remain calm if my husband wanted to divorce me.When I wasn’t so entangled in those thoughts, I was able to understand many Fa principles, and Master got rid of the bad elements for me. As my understanding deepened, I realized the tribulations were there to help me improve, and my strong righteous thoughts emerged, “I don’t want these hardships imposed on me by the old forces. I want to walk the path that Master arranged, and I will eliminate my attachments as I study the Fa and cultivate.”

I had a dream that night. Someone gave me a round cake. I gave a piece to my husband, and I ate the delicious cake. I also saw two pillows next to each other.

My husband and I are now reunited, and he no longer feels any pressure being with me. I know Master has been looking after him. I’m grateful for Master’s benevolent help. He watched over me and was worried about my cultivation. I can only repay Master’s compassion by studying the Fa well, cultivating with diligence, and do my best to fulfill my mission.