Tribulation Brought about by My Incorrect Thought

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa 26 years ago. In cultivation, there are hardships and joys, passing tests, stumbles, and improvements. I know very well that nothing we encounter while we cultivate ourselves is trivial, and nothing is accidental. Any difficulties we encounter help us eliminate our attachments.

Master said,

“After the master is done transmitting things to him he’ll tell him, “You have a lot of attachments that have to go. You’d better go off for a period of wandering.” Wandering about is pretty hard—he goes from place to place, begging for food and running into all kinds of people who laugh at him, and insult him, or take advantage of him. He runs into all kinds of things. He goes about everything as a practitioner, he keeps his interactions with people in the proper perspective, he guards his character well, constantly improves his character, and he doesn’t get affected by all the different kinds of ordinary people’s material temptations. After years of wandering he returns. His master tells him, “You’ve attained the Dao now and achieved Perfection. If you’re all set, you can go back and pack up to leave. If you have anything left to do, then finish up those ordinary people’s things.” So the subordinate soul comes back after all those years. As soon as he gets back, his master soul over on this side comes out of concentration, and his master consciousness wakes up. (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)

I have read Zhuan Falun countless times, but I don’t remember exactly when it started, but every time I read this passage in the book, I thought: If it were me, I would just choose “go back and pack up to leave.” How nice that would be! I suffered so much in this lifetime. This kind of thought is just a flash. It kept surfacing but I ignored it. One time when I was reading the Fa with other practitioners I said, “I would like to be that person.” No one said anything.

In 2020, I began repeatedly falling down when I walked, and sometimes I fell hard. When I went to the meeting and read the teachings with the others, I often had bruises on my face and body. The others asked me, What happened? I didn’t think much about it.

In the spring of 2021 one night after dinner I took a walk with my husband. The road was a little uneven, but on such a nearly flat road I tripped and fell hard! It felt like someone pushed me heavily from behind, and I fell face down. I heard my husband calling my name, but I could not move or speak. He was about to call an ambulance! As I lived in my company’s residential community, I prayed in my heart, “Don’t let others see it, don’t smear Dafa's name!” People were walking by. Some stopped to see whether I was hurt. I thought to myself: “I must go home, I can’t just lay here.” I signaled my husband to pull me up.

I stood up with his help and walked home with difficulty. With each breath my chest was in piercing pain. I was covered in bruises and had difficulty laying down. In a whisper I told my husband, “Please stand in front of Master's picture and ask him to save me!”

It got better after a while. I crossed my legs while sitting on the bed and began to meditate. After 40 minutes, when it was almost time to send forth righteous thoughts, I took my legs down. All the pain was gone. My husband was surprised and kept saying, “Great, great!”

This incident alerted me: I must have a big gap!

The next day, when I went to read the teachings with other practitioners, an elderly practitioner asked me, “Are you okay?” I said, “I fell again.” He said, “Why do you keep falling?” He was right. Why do I keep falling over? I read the Fa, and I do the three things. What is my loophole? That night it happened to be my turn to read following passage:

“If you’re all set, you can go back and pack up to leave.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)

Right! I found my attachment, I wanted to pack up and leave as I didn’t want to stay in this world anymore. In fact, the kind of cultivation that Master referred to in this passage is cultivating a person’s subordinate soul, and it is the subordinate soul that obtains gong.

However, we are cultivating Dafa. It allows us to cultivate our true selves, so we are the ones who obtain gong. Moreover, we are Dafa disciples, Master’s disciples, and we have the mission of saving sentient beings, so we can only follow the path arranged by Master.

How can I even think about packing up and going?! I suddenly realized I kept falling because I have this kind of unhealthy thought in my mind, and it has persisted for several years without my getting alarmed. I did not get rid of it in time, so it remained in my space! This also revealed a problem that my reading the Fa became routine. This is exactly studying the Fa but not obtaining the Fa, which Master talked about. The old forces took advantage of me and said, “You want to leave? OK, we’ll let you go!” They persecuted me endlessly and wanted to put me to death. If it weren’t for Master’s care, the consequences would be unimaginable. Master repeatedly endured for me.

I finally woke up! Because I took a detour for such a long time, I artificially increased the difficulty of my cultivation. Master is merciful and never gave up on me, someone who failed to live up to his expectations. He saved me again and again. After I realized this, I stopped falling down.

This entire process was a test. Through this incident, I realized the seriousness of cultivation, which involved the issue of,

“no second discipline.” (Lecture 3, Zhuan Falun)

Falun Dafa practitioners in the Fa-rectification period, if you don’t follow the path arranged by Master, you are walking the path arranged by the old forces, and they will persecute you unscrupulously! The lesson is profound, and it is a lesson I nearly paid for with my life. Because my understanding is so poor, Master had to bear it for me again and again, and worry about me.

As I write this, I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel that a layer of bad things in my body has disintegrated! At the same time, I felt the dignity and excellence of cultivating in Dafa. I feel that Master is watching over us all the time during cultivation.

From now on, I only follow the path arranged by Master. I will eliminate other unhealthy thoughts and external interference in a timely fashion. I will be more vigilant, read the Fa with full attention, and cultivate myself.

This is my understanding at my current level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.