(Minghui.org) I live in France and I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2018.
I used to be what you might call an overprotective mother. I was considerate and caring. My children are adults now, so why should I still act as if they were children, and as if I weren’t a practitioner?
My youngest son and I always had a very strong bond. We didn’t see each other very often, and the few times we did, he arrived exhausted because of his busy job. His situation increasingly troubled me, and every time we saw each other, my heart sank. He’s not naturally talkative, but I have no problems talking.
Eliminating My Maternal Attachment
We seldom saw each other last winter. When he was able to take time off from work I was probably too enthusiastic when I saw him, which annoyed him. When he left, I felt deeply hurt. I realized that I really had to eliminate my maternal attachment.
By sending righteous thoughts, reading the Fa, and discussing the situation with other practitioners, I gradually calmed down. However, I knew that my motherly concern was not the compassionate heart of a Falun Dafa practitioner.
A Sudden Tribulation
Last week my son came home for a few days. I’d cut short my weekend at my sister’s home so I could spend time with him. But things didn’t turn out the way I hoped.
His long silences bothered me, and I felt sad. When he didn’t respond to my questions, I lost my temper and stormed out of the room. I felt wronged, scorned, and humiliated.
I left the house and stayed away for most of the afternoon. My heart literally ached. The last time I felt such pain, such sorrow, was when my mother suddenly died.
I started to take a walk, but every step felt as if I weighed several tons. At one point, I burst into tears and I couldn’t stop sobbing. I knew it was a test, but I felt as if I were inside a washing machine, being tossed back and forth.
I thought about Master’s words,
“Then consider just how hard it may be to suffer beyond what’s normal. Suppose someone goes to work one day, only to find his company not doing well financially, and that there are more employees than jobs. The company has to reform and start contracting work out, and so excess employees are being let go. This person is one of them, and suddenly finds himself unemployed. We can just imagine how stressful that would be. He has no source of income to support his family now, and no other skills to land a job. So he goes home, terribly dejected. Upon returning home, he learns that his elderly parent has become seriously ill. He goes to great lengths to borrow enough money to check his parent into the hospital, and rushes them there, feeling anxious and upset. Later he goes back home to get a few things for them, only to have his kid’s teacher show up at the door, informing him that his child injured someone in a fight, and that he, as the father, had better quickly come straighten things out with the other kid’s parents. After taking care of all this he returns home, sits down, and then a phone call comes from someone telling him that his wife is having an affair.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I knew it was a test, but I couldn’t calm down. I was literally overwhelmed by my frustrated maternal love. Even though I was in so much pain, I wanted to let go of those tears deep down in my heart, and especially my excessive attachment to my son. It felt like a death experience, and I understood at my own level, what it meant to let go of my attachment to life or death. I realized that, in fact, it seemed easier to give up my own life, than to give up my emotional attachment to my son.
Over the next few hours I reflected on this attachment, and saw that I was looking outward: Why does my son treat me so badly?
I recalled Master’s words,
A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.(“Realms,” Essentials for further Advancement)
When I dreamed of my son, I looked outside and only thought of my hurt feelings. I thought of what he should do to be a good son.
I wanted my son to do this or that, or act like this or that, when all I had to do was tell myself that I had to give him his freedom and not let his attitude upset me. I was looking outward! During all those months I spent trying to remove my attachment to my son, I had somehow hoped that my righteous thoughts would make him change to become more “communicative” and “amiable.” Instead, I should have looked inward and realized that I was demanding of him but I wasn’t demanding of myself. Is this the attitude of a Dafa practitioner?
Master’s Fa helped me to better accept what was happening to me,
Cultivating gong has a pathmind is the wayOn the boundless sea of Dafahardship is your ferry(“Falun Dafa,” Hong Yin)
By reciting this poem regularly, I came to feel how suffering is one of the inevitable components of progress in my cultivation.
For two days after this painful episode, my heart was heavy and I wept. But, I had to go to work, where my coworkers say I'm always cheerful. So I put a smile on my face, because I didn’t want anyone to have a bad opinion of Dafa.
This helped me take a step back and stabilize my heart, because I didn’t want my smile to be just a facade.
A Revelation!
One morning, during our local meeting, I couldn’t hold back my tears and I couldn’t read. I listened to the other practitioners read the Fa, which helped me calm down. When I met up with my husband afterward, he saw my red eyes and asked me what happened. It was unimaginable to me that he couldn’t understand why I was so depressed. I suddenly felt swathed in an immense wave of compassion: My husband could not understand what was happening to me because he was not a practitioner, but I was! At that moment, it was as if my identity was suddenly revealed to me: I’m not so and so, the wife of...or mother of...the daughter of...I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner!
What a revelation! It’s as if a door suddenly opened to let the light in, and the dark cell I was in had been annihilated.
The Ordeal Is Not Over Yet
However, I still held a deep-seated grudge against my son. I knew I had to let go of my attachment. I’m no longer an “ordinary mother,” I’m first and foremost a Dafa practitioner, so I can’t keep this suffering heart, which does nothing but harm.
My son told us that he planned to come back the following Sunday for Mother’s Day. All that week, I brooded about it, I was not able to let go of my anger, even though I knew it was wrong. I wanted to make him pay, even though I was horrified by the way I felt. I knew the only solution was in the Fa. So I read and sent righteous thoughts in order to eliminate all the negative emotion whose sole aim was to destroy me and those around me.
I looked inside: What I saw was ugly and violent, I needed to get rid of it.
Another Extraordinary Moment
The long-awaited and dreaded Mother’s Day came. My son arrived and suddenly all my thoughts of malice or revenge were gone. I was just happy to see him, and he was very relaxed. We spent a very relaxing day, with no tension whatsoever. It’s not that we put on a brave face, no, it’s something much greater: it’s as if this tribulation had never existed! Yes, that’s exactly it!
Master said:
“What we teach, by contrast, is that you can change a tough situation just by compromising a little.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I just experienced a miracle! In just a few days, I was able to get through a tribulation so immense that it seemed insurmountable, akin to giving up on life and death, and in the end it’s almost as if nothing happened.
I finally understood that looking within is the key to moving forward in our cultivation. It’s not about a magic wand that will remove all obstacles, not at all. It’s about something so much bigger and so much more sacred: it’s about facing difficulties with a heart that’s frank, pure and light, without omission.
We Dafa practitioners have both a responsibility and are incredibly fortunate: to be Falun Dafa practitioners.
Thank you to all my fellow practitioners who help and support me every day. We really are one body.
Thank you, compassionate Master, for the life you gave me!
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