(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa just before the persecution started in 1999. I had not studied the Fa deeply. I was attached to having a happy family and a comfortable living environment. I got married and had a child. It’s hard to raise a child, but I was very happy to watch him growing up day by day.
One day, my child suddenly fell ill. Terribly worried, I couldn’t maintain my xinxing. We rushed him to the hospital but he eventually passed away. I felt like I was struck by a thunderbolt. When my child was placed in the intensive care unit, I had a thought: “If the child dies, will you still cultivate?” I was confused and didn’t know what to think or do.
Returning home, as I looked at his clothing and toys, I experienced for the first time the feeling of my heart being cut with a knife. I was too sad to even weep. When I meditated I felt that I was sitting on the edge of a cliff and was about to fall. That night I dreamed the child came to me and said, “Mom, I will go first.” I wondered, practitioners’ families I knew were so blessed and seemed to benefit so much; why did my child die?
I was confused and sad, but I didn’t think about not cultivating. Although I hadn’t studied the Fa deeply, I had all kinds of hints and guidance from Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa.
One day, I suddenly remembered that just before my son died, I read an article that impressed me. I found it and read it again. I felt that Master was worried that I would not pass this test, so he showed me this in advance.
It was a story from the Bible about a man named Job. He was rich. He had herds of cattle and horses, and a wonderful family, wife and children. He solidly believed in his Lord. Satan had doubts and asked God, “How can Job believe in you for no reason? Isn’t it because you gave him such a good and happy life? If he lost everything, would he still believe in you so piously?”
The Lord allowed Satan to test Job. First he lost his property, then his land, cattle, sheep and horses. Eventually his wife, and finally his children died. Job tore his clothes, shaved his hair, fell on the ground, and said, “I have come to the world naked, and I will leave the world naked. The Lord gave me my life, and I will praise the Lord forever.”
Many years passed since I read this, so I don’t remember all the details clearly. But I do remember that after reading it, I wept. Yes! What is cultivation for? Do we cultivate to enjoy a good life among ordinary people? Yet, don’t everyday people measure good or bad simply based on their notions?
As practitioners, all the tribulations we encounter are tests that temper us, and pave the way for us to reach consummation. My heart brightened. Master removed many of my human notions and my depression suddenly vanished.
More than 20 years have passed since my child died. Many of the practitioners I knew when I began practicing moved away or left. Most of the practitioners I interact with now I met long after 1999, and many of them do not know my story. In their eyes, I have a good life. I live in this big city and I have my own house.
I know very well the path I have walked, and I deeply understand that my living conditions are provided for me to cultivate. There are no shortcuts in cultivation. We should accept everything arranged by Master, including suffering and tribulations. We must remember that Master only left a little bit of trouble on our cultivation path to repay our karmic debts—most of what we owe was borne by Master.
While reading Master’s recently published articles, I recalled my past and how much Master has endured for us practitioners. I am very grateful. The only thing I can do is strive forward diligently in cultivation. Only this way can I repay Master’s merciful benevolence and compassion.
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