Letting Go of Human Notions When Dealing with Children

(Minghui.org) Our two grandchildren came to stay with us for a week during the summer. The girl’s name is Yoyo, the boy is called Jiji.

Jiji insisted eating lunch on the sofa. Worried that he might get food on the furniture and floor, I told him he must eat at the table. He threw a tantrum.

Unable to persuade Jiji, I went into my room to reflect on the situation. What did I do that is not aligned with the Fa? “Holding on to one’s own idea” came to mind. I said to myself: Eliminate the attachment to my own way of thinking. As soon I finished sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the attachment, Yoyo called out, “Grandma, Jiji is sitting at the table waiting for food.”

Sure enough, burying his head in the sofa just minutes ago, Jiji was now sitting up nicely waiting for his meal.

Another time before lunch, I asked the two grandchildren to wash their hands. After telling them several times, Yoyo went to wash hers, while Jiji was still taking his time putting on his shoes. “Why don’t you wash your hands?” I asked.

Jiji replied, “You apologize to me. Say you’re sorry!” He said it twice. Even though I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong, I remembered Master’s words:

“We say that when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will certainly be a different situation.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)

I replied, “I am sorry.” He then went straight to lunch. However, I was not genuinely feeling sorry as I said it. So I asked him, “What did I do wrong that I need to apologize for?”

“You have wronged me,” he answered. “I was putting on my shoes, so how can I go wash my hands? You just said why didn’t I wash my hands.”

Why did I misunderstand the child? It was because Jiji often gets into mischief, and can sometimes be quite destructive. For instance, he just broke my expensive pen and made the sliding door stuck because he put little beads inside the door. All of these made me watch him closely with an anxious eye. He is not good at listening to me either, so my impression of him is not good. When distributing snacks, I tend to give him the smaller ones and less. When I called my daughter, I mainly asked about Yoyo, and rarely inquired about Jiji. Deep down, it was the thought of revenge that made me treat him unfairly. How shameful that I was trying to get back at a six-year-old? Can I call myself a good person? This is not the way cultivation should go.

I am sorry for the way I had been treating Jiji, as he has many good characteristics. One time, we were getting ready to go out to distribute Falun Dafa fliers. It was a hot afternoon so I was hesitant on whether to go, but Jiji insisted on going. While outside, he gave out all the fliers. Another time, he distributed fliers door by door from the first floor all the way up to the top, the eighth floor.

I had to ask my grandchildren several times before every meal to wash their hands. I realized that it was because I was expecting them not to listen to me. As a result, they ignored me because I was not compassionate to them.

Trying a different approach, before asking them to wash their hands, I told myself: they are good children, they are lives that harmonize with Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. The result was that I only had to ask them once. They washed their hands thoroughly with soap. This never happened before.

The first day the two grandchildren came, Yoyo wanted to eat ice cream before lunch. I immediately responded, “You cannot eat cold food before a meal, you will get sick because cold and hot food clash. But she insisted and cried. I took a step back, and said, “Let’s do this instead. You eat the ice cream after lunch.” But she kept on crying.

I did not know what else to do. I went back to my room and tried to calm down. I turned on Minghui Radio, and the first words that came to my ears were: “Insisting on oneself.” Isn’t this for me to hear? Master said,

“It is proper for you to discipline them ...” (“Teaching the Fa and Answering Questions in Zhengzhou” Explaining the Teachings of Zhuan Falun)

It is not wrong of me to discipline them. It is my responsibility to make sure they eat well under my care. I have to hand them back to their mother happy and healthy. All of these thoughts were based on my principles. A practitioner should analyze things based on cultivation. Where did I misalign with the Fa?

Searching within myself is powerful, as I realized what I insisted on was the human mindset, not the principles of the Fa. For instance, the idea of “eating cold food before a meal will result in illness” will not do anything to someone without karma. Getting sick or not is based on one’s karma. People who pick through garbage all day would not get sick if they do not have the karma that causes illness. However, someone who is very careful with his diet can still get sick if he has the karma for it.

I let go of the human way of thinking about food, and let the children eat ice cream before their meal. They were fine. After eating, they were running around playing. But still my human notions returned, thinking, “Don’t run after eating.”

Worrying that the children will get sick and my daughter getting upset at me are all attachments of fear. Why do humans live such tiring lives? It is because they worry about this and that, themselves and their families. We would get lost in human dilemmas if we let such worries weigh us down.

Dafa practitioners are here to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. We cannot be controlled by the human mindset and human thoughts.

Thank you, Master!