A PhD Student’s Experience of Learning to Look Within

(Minghui.org) My cultivation journey has not been a smooth one as I am not as diligent a practitioner as I should have been. Still, Master protects me and gives me hints from time to time. I am grateful and want to do better in my cultivation so I can live up to the title “Dafa disciple.” Now, I want to help other practitioners avoid the pains and regrets I have due to my mistakes in cultivation by sharing about looking inward.

The ability to look inwards is a treasure Master has given us. It is what separates us from everyday people. When encountering unpleasant things, conflicts, or even good things, everyday people only care about who’s right or wrong or even who’s the stronger. As practitioners, we should not limit ourselves to this standard.

In the past, I always got irritated when I noticed other people’s flaws. I felt the need to correct them. Sometimes, I even said very harsh things and made them feel bad, even to the point that someone I knew had extreme thoughts for over a year he was so upset by how I’d criticized him.

When I was not looking inward, my roommate that year was, in my eyes, extremely selfish. He did not care about anything other than his own self-interests. When I asked him if he only associated with me because he saw that there might be benefits to our relationship, he responded, “Of course.” I was deeply hurt that year and even got to where I could not see anything good about this person. How could he be so selfish?

Another roommate was the same. Our relationship went downhill because he did not respect my opinion anymore and started to look down on me because I was younger than him. It was difficult to see anything good in him when I felt irritated. That year, I felt uncomfortable and always angry on some level inside.

Then, a voice in my head reminded me:

“This specific issue does not concern me, as I am teaching the Fa to practitioners instead of casually telling everyday people how to live their lives. In terms of dealing with specific issues, you should judge things based on Dafa.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

Of course, everyday people will show many bad sides as this is just the cosmic trend. Why was I so critical of other people? They don’t have the Fa to guide them. I do. The Fa is taught only to practitioners and the standards are set only for practitioners. I then felt pity for everyday people because they keep doing wrong since no one can tell them these principles. I am such a lucky person. I can only change myself, not others. I want to go to a higher level, where there are higher standards. Why did I keep getting jealous of other people who did not hold themselves to such standards? Were they going to higher levels with me? Or did I want to stay here? Whether I was right or wrong in my argument, did that really matter at all?

I then also realized that a lot of the things I didn’t like about my friends were traits I exhibited as well, although slightly less obviously. I realized that Master magnified those behaviors in my friends to let me see myself. If he hadn’t made it obvious, I wouldn’t have felt irritated and started to use the Fa to evaluate the situation and would have remained oblivious. Realizing that, I now feel very grateful to my friends for allowing me to see my attachment to looking outward.

These are some of my personal experiences and understandings. Please kindly correct me if there is anything that doesn’t align with the Fa.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!