From “Never Wrong” to Digging Out Hidden Attachments

(Minghui.org) I’m a school teacher who practices Falun Dafa. One day, I ran into a test question where my answer was different than the answer key. I asked a colleague and searched online, and what I found seemed to agree with my answer.

I discussed the question with my husband and my son when I got home, and both of their answers matched the answer key. As I thought my answer was also correct, we had quite a debate. Even my mother-in-law, who happened to be watching television in the next room, came in to listen in. My husband said I was too stubborn. I said, “I know your answer is correct, but I don’t see anything wrong with my way of solving the problem. I certainly won’t say my answer is wrong.”

My son brought out a piece of paper and a pen. We drew diagrams together to solve the problem step by step, and found that my answer was indeed wrong.

I stood up and wanted to leave. My son asked, “That’s it?” I was surprised, “What else is there?” He looked upset and serious, “You don’t want to admit you were wrong?” I didn’t take it seriously, and just said casually, “Okay, I was wrong.”

I didn’t expect him to break out in tears. While wiping away his tears, he complained, “You are always like this. You always think you are right, even when you are wrong. You demand others to prove that you are wrong, but after we spend all this time to prove it, you just brush it off. Cultivation is your own business. It’s not our responsibility. We are helping you, but you look like you have been wronged. You didn’t even thank me.”

I was stunned to hear this. His simple words hit the nail on the head. I realized how my attitude had hurt my son’s feelings. I hurried to apologize to him sincerely. I told him from the bottom of my heart, “I have recently realized there was something wrong with my cultivation, and really wanted to make corrections based on the Fa. I really appreciate your pointing out my shortcomings. Thanks for my Master’s arrangement!”

He accepted my sincere apology and kept nodding upon hearing that I thanked Master for his arrangement instead of claiming credit for myself. He smiled through his tears.

I was shaken by the incident and became more aware of how Master had taken care of his disciples’ mindset and behavior. I was also impressed by my son’s pure and sincere admiration of Master and Falun Dafa. Master has given me an awakening blow with my son’s words, which exposed the remnants of my disrespect.

I looked within and found the Communist Party’s way of not admitting any wrongdoing. I exonerated myself by finding excuses. Given the persecution, I had committed sins against Master and Dafa. Although I have published an announcement on the Minghui website, voiding my wrongdoings, bad thoughts still sneaked into my mind out of nowhere once in a while. I’m determined to completely deny them and eliminate them.

Master’s words about concentrating while studying the Fa and looking within for shortcomings came to my mind. Master has warned us not to harbor our attachments with excuses by quoting Master’s words. I pressed my hands in front of my chest and said sincerely, “Master, I truly want to find my shortcomings and make improvements. Please enlighten me.” I opened the book while sitting up straight and started reading. It dawned on me that a monstrous attachment had been hidden under my seemingly insignificant thoughts.

Before I started cultivating, I had accepted the theory of evolution and atheism that the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) had instilled in our minds. In other words, I thought nothing would exist after one’s death. My parents used to tell me, “A person leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.” I was puzzled, “Since nothing exists after one’s death, what’s the point of leaving a good reputation?”

Growing up in the countryside, I witnessed the farmers’ hard work day in and day out and their poverty. Why was it like this? An indescribable pain would fill my heart every time I thought of this confusion. As an outstanding student in my middle school, I was recognized at parent-teacher conferences. Other kids’ parents encouraged their children to follow my example. However, the recognition didn't make me happy, but gave me more confusion instead. I didn't know the meaning of life. I felt like a doll being held in people's hands for showing off.

After I studied Falun Dafa, I found great answers to all my questions. It dawned on me that I had come to this world to wait for Falun Dafa, life after life. My goal is to cultivate Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance and follow Master to return to my true home.

I still delight in talking about the excitement I experienced when I obtained the Fa. It has never crossed my mind that there is anything wrong with it, although I have cultivated myself for over 20 years. Today, I suddenly found my attachment to “leaving my name to future generations.” No wonder my words always sounded weird, even though I claimed that I didn’t care about reputation.

My husband sometimes laughed at me for speaking strangely. I didn’t blame him, and felt embarrassed for not doing well on my cultivation path. I wanted to improve, but always went from one extreme to the other, because my efforts didn’t target my attachment. I have finally identified this issue as the root of my attachment, which is showing off. In other words, my false self has deceived my true self by claiming not to care about my reputation. However, I wanted to leave my name for history.

When I studied the Fa after eliminating this attachment, many of my blocked human notions dissipated into the wind.

I have experienced what Master has described,

“...the nature of the universe is directly displayed through his body and directly communicates with his body.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)