Remembering to Look Inward When We See Others’ Conflicts

(Minghui.org) A mother and her daughter in my area both practice Falun Dafa. The daughter married and moved to another city. The mother is in her 80s and lives by herself, so I often visit her.

The mother fell one day and underwent surgery. The daughter came and stayed with her and took care of her. As time passed, they began to argue. When their neighbor saw me come to visit, she suggested that I stay out of their business. I thought since we were practitioners, their affair was also my affair. I didn’t want to leave others a negative impression of Dafa because we didn’t cultivate well.

As soon as I walked in, the mother and the daughter complained to me about each other. Neither wanted to listen to what I had to say, and continued to argue. I said, “Your behavior gives others a bad image of Dafa. When we encounter problems, it means it’s time to improve our xinxing. We should study the Fa more and look inward.”

After I left I wondered why I saw their conflict. Was it because I didn’t do well in a certain area? I then remembered Master’s teaching.

Master said,

“And when others are embroiled in conflict and you are just an onlooker, you should think about it, “How can I do better? If I were in that position, would I be able to control my xinxing and face the criticism and disapproval as a cultivator?”” (“Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles”)

The words and actions of fellow practitioners are like a mirror, and let me see my shortcomings. My relationship with my husband wasn’t going well. I should look for where I did not do well in my cultivation and eliminate my attachments.

My Husband

I used to look down on my husband. I thought he was incompetent and cowardly. He didn’t act like a man, and wanted me to take care of everything. He helped a little, but gossiped about me. I often compared him with others and regretted marrying him.

I changed my attitude towards my husband and treated him with kindness after I began practicing. But instead his temper became worse, he often got upset, and scolded me.

Our daughter-in-law couldn’t take it and said, “Mom, he always gets mad at you.” My son said. “You spoiled him. You used to have the final say, and he dared not disagree. Things are now reversed, and dad is the one with the big temper. I told you to straighten him out, but you refused.”

I chuckled and said, “I won’t lower myself to his level, now that I’m a practitioner.”

Although I didn’t want to lower myself to his level, my heart was not calm when he threw temper tantrums at me.

I knew the process of eliminating human attachments was a good thing. It was an opportunity to eliminate attachments and improve my cultivation. But I got angry and cursed when I couldn’t restrain myself. Each time my husband said, “Look at you, you don’t even act like a practitioner. You look more like a shrew!” I knew Master, the founder of Falun Dafa, was using his mouth to point things out to me. I held back what I wanted to say and regretted that I didn’t do well.

I tried my best to suppress myself and not get angry. I reminded myself that I probably owed him in a previous lifetime. I thought I should follow Master’s teachings, behave like a practitioner, and pay back my debts. I also wanted to get rid of my resentment and contempt for him.

I calmed down but still couldn’t find where I was stuck. I cultivated for so long, so why was I resentful and why did I look down on him?

In the past, he only cooked and mopped the floor. I had to do everything else. For example, when the screw on the wall lamp was loose, and the lamp hung at an angle, he said he didn’t know how to fix it. He also didn’t know how to build a fence, make a shed, or install a door.

I felt he wasn’t capable of much and accepted it. Yet, he couldn’t take it when others praised me. Whenever he heard someone compliment me, he made up stories to vilify me. When others told me what he said about me and I asked him why, he denied it and sulked. I really hated him back then, and was very upset about it.

I put myself in his shoes now that I practice Dafa. Others might think that I’m more capable than him even though he’s the man. So I try to stay low key to make him look better and not lose face.

An Opportunity to Improve

It must be hard being in his situation. He constantly felt the need to put me down and elevate himself. I no longer resent him. I realized the reason I looked down on him was because I couldn’t depend on him. I understand now that each person has his own path, and no one can change it. Moreover, cultivators have different paths and goals.

I’m grateful to my husband for giving me the opportunity to improve, and I’m no longer angry at him.

My husband recently became obsessed with his mobile phone. He often sat looking at his phone until meal time. When I reminded him to cook, he got annoyed and said I should ask our daughter-in-law. I said, “She has to work and take care of the child. We are both retired, and it’s not that hard to prepare a meal.”

He replied, “You keep asking me to cook. Why don’t you cook?” I walked into the kitchen as soon as he said that. I understood it was a good opportunity for me to eliminate the attachment of not wanting to get dirty and do the hard work.

This is my cultivation experience. Please correct me if there is anything inappropriate.