Breaking Through Tests of Sentimentality

(Minghui.org) I obtained the Fa in 2006 and am now 54 years old. On the path of cultivation, I’m like a small tree that Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, prunes. I’m like a child who has just learned to walk, and Master lends me a helping hand. I’m like someone lost in the darkness, and Master holds my hand and guides me towards the light. I, as a dull and unremarkable disciple, have made Master put in so much effort to ensure I don’t get lost and to enable me to steadily walk on the path of righteous cultivation.

In my 16 years of cultivation, I have gone through a lot of hardships dealing with the challenge of sentimentality. My husband was a typically hardworking man and was devoted to the family. However, he had an extramarital affair with a woman from our workplace in 2007, which left me deeply saddened. At that time, I didn’t understand that it was a test for me to let go of my attachment to sentimentality and that I needed to approach it with a cultivator’s mindset. Instead, I reacted like an ordinary person, shouting and screaming at my husband.

Due to my not sufficiently understanding the Fa and my failure to elevate myself based on the Fa, in the following years, my husband continued to have inappropriate relationships. First, with a woman named Chen, and later, when we moved into the city, there was another young woman with whom he had a close relationship. Each time, I cried and screamed, making a scene. At times I got so angry I went to my mother’s home, and it even reached the point of considering divorce. Being in the grip of the attachment of sentimentality, I completely forgot that I was a Falun Dafa practitioner, yet what I said and did was no different from that of an ordinary person.

Master enlightened me in a dream when I failed to understand the situation. In one dream, there was a man who is now my husband. He was the father of three children, and I was the third party. He held the youngest child, while his wife cried and begged him not to leave. In another dream, I saw myself having dinner with a man at a restaurant, and soon after, his wife and sons arrived and sat down to eat with us. In the dream, I was scared and ashamed. I was too afraid to even lift my head.

When I woke up, I understood that, in past lives, I had been a bad woman who had done immoral and unethical things, breaking up other people's families and hurting innocent people. I now had to repay those karmic debts from the past. Master’s hint in my dream hit me like a heavy hammer and woke me up.

Master said: 

“Those ordeals and the suffering, no matter how great or harsh you find them to be, are good things, because they take place solely on account of your cultivation. A person can eliminate karma and shed human attachments when he goes through ordeals, and through ordeals he can improve.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference,” in Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume VIII)

Through Master’s guidance and my increased Fa study, I understood the principle that debts must be paid back. I no longer harbored resentment towards my husband and I learned to look within and identified many attachments, especially my attachments to lust, resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and more. Those attachments stemmed from selfishness and had to be eliminated. Once I recognized them, I intensified sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them.

I also started to hold myself to strict standards, both in my cultivation and daily life, and measure myself against Dafa’s principle of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I understand that elevating my xinxing is what a cultivator is supposed to do.

As my xinxing improved, I came to understand that nothing that happens in cultivation is accidental. Just one day before writing this sharing, I read an article by a practitioner titled “Completely Breaking Free from the Old Forces’ Traps,” which deeply resonated with me. I recognized that I had followed the path set by the old forces in dealing with my husband’s affairs, falling into their trap. How can I negate the old forces while falling into their arrangements, how can that achieve the effect of negation?

Before my husband had an affair, Master had hinted it to me in two separate dreams. At the time, I didn’t understand their significance. In one dream, I saw a monster resembling a black bear charging toward me. In another dream, a large hand covered in leprosy was reaching for my back. Both times, I sent righteous thoughts, and the threats disappeared.

Now I understand that the old forces took advantage of my attachments, especially my strong attachment to sentimentality, to persecute me. They wanted to use my attachment to sentimentality to destroy my cultivation, and at the same time to destroy my husband and my family. That was the wishful plot of the old forces and the communist evil spirits, and I fell right into their trap. 

If, at that time, I could have truly assimilated the Fa principles into my mind, rather than merely studying and memorizing the Fa as a task, I would have approached my husband’s issue rationally. I would have been able to see beyond the surface of the issue and comprehend the deeper factors at play. I would have understood that encountering various issues, tribulations, or tests is a natural part of cultivation. I could have used the principles of Dafa to evaluate the situation, instead of reacting as an ordinary person. Then, my so-called emotional tribulation wouldn’t have dragged on for more than a decade. I am truly ashamed, and feel terrible to have let Master down. My sentimentality allowed the old forces to manipulate my husband who created karma for himself.

As the principles of the Fa became clearer and my xinxing continued to rise, my heart gradually became calm when dealing with my husband’s issues. Sometimes after I got home, I saw tissues with lipstick marks or heard my husband’s phone ring, but I didn’t dwell on who was calling him or why he didn’t answer. Instead, I just smiled. Guided by the principles of the Fa, my heart gradually became peaceful, and I kept in my mind that I am a cultivator. I completely let go of my attachment to sentimentality for my husband, and he no longer had those issues.

With the elevation of my xinxing, compassionate Master provided me with another hint in a dream. I saw my husband passing by me in the dream, followed by an inflatable cloth figure. Its upper body was red, the lower body was yellow, and it had lost all its air, falling down on its back. From the dream, I understood that Master was helping me further understand the reasons behind my husband’s behavior, which included the influence of the Communist evil spirits. It also implied that I had factors related to these evil spirits within me. These factors converged to create a dark karmic field that allowed them to interfere. The communist evil spirits are composed of hatred and low-level substances. Therefore, I started to look inward and cultivate myself. I let go of the resentment, and no longer harbored it towards my husband. I stopped supplying them with energy, and without that energy supply, they naturally dissipated. I am grateful for Master’s compassionate guidance!

My husband has returned to the right path and gained righteousness. He was put in an important position at work, with a salary increase. The crying and turmoil in our home are no more, our family’s harmonious atmosphere returned, and my husband goes to work and comes home at normal times every day. I diligently cultivate myself, do the morning exercises, and study the Fa every day. Currently, I’m on my eleventh round of memorizing Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa. Unless there are special circumstances, I go out every day to clarify the truth to people face to face. I still have many attachments to eliminate, such as the attachments of showing off, fear, and the tendency to gossip about others. On the path of righteous cultivation, I will remove them all. With Master’s protection and guidance, I won’t be discouraged, wander, or fall behind. With Master’s protection, I will continue to cultivate as diligently as when I first began.

I am grateful to Master for lifting me out of Hell, cleansing me, and giving me a complete, harmonious, and happy family. I also thank other practitioners who have helped me during the difficult times. I apologize to those I hurt in the past and hope that our grievances can be resolved within the Fa.

In this final stage of assisting Master in Fa-rectification, I will make the most of my time to study the Fa well, look within in accordance with the Fa, and harmonize my family. At the same time, I will diligently cultivate myself, help save more people, and express my gratitude with my actions towards Master for his tremendous sacrifice! I’ll strive to be a qualified Dafa disciple, not betray Master’s compassion, assist Master in Fa-rectification, reach consummation, and follow Master to return to my true home!