Walking Out of Darkness with My Head Held High

(Minghui.org) I always felt I was waiting for something. When I looked up at the night sky, I couldn’t help but think about the age-old questions: Who am I? Where did I come from? Whenever I saw or heard the words, “hometown,” or “home,” there was a deep longing in my heart. I studied literature, philosophy, art, and other topics. I looked into Buddhism, Taoism, and Christianity, hoping to find the meaning of life. But nothing resonated with me.

In 1998, I graduated from university and began working in a coal mine. By chance, I found Essentials for FurtherAdvancement (written by Master Li Hongzhi) in a small bookstore. I felt that what Master said was different from anything else I'd read before.

A few days later, I found Falun Dafa’s main book, Zhuan Falun. The three words, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, resonated with me. I thought, “I finally found it!” 

What was even more gratifying was that my mother and sisters also started practicing Falun Dafa. My mother was in her fifties and sick. After practicing for a few months, she became healthy. Our family of four happily began practicing Falun Dafa.

Going to Beijing to Stand Up for Falun Dafa

We were still immersed in the happiness and joy of having found Falun Dafa, when on July 20, 1999, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began to persecute Falun Dafa. We were stunned and didn’t know what to do. 

In 2000 we heard that many practitioners had gone to Beijing to speak up for Falun Dafa. I discussed this with my family, and my mother and I were ready to go. My older sister’s child was only three years old, and the younger sister had just married, so it was not convenient for them to go. But the sisters were determined to go. We all knew we faced death. 

On July 21, 2000, we managed to break through the layers of surveillance and local Public Security blockade (at that time, the police monitored our house 24 hours a day), and we resolutely headed to Beijing.

We arrived at Tiananmen Square in the morning. Everything was calm and the square was crowded. But these tourists were unusual; they were either Falun Dafa practitioners or plainclothes policemen. We walked to the center of Tiananmen Square. My mother opened a banner with the words, “Falun Dafa” written on it, and the rest of us sat down to meditate.

Within minutes, the police came running from all directions, followed by a police car. They grabbed us and shoved us into the car. Many practitioners were already in other police cars. We were not afraid. Instead, we were happy to meet other practitioners. One after another, practitioners were pushed into the cars until they were full.

We were driven to the Tiananmen Square Police Station. As soon as we entered the courtyard we noticed it was full of Dafa practitioners. Even though we were from all over China, we felt like family. We happily talked about our experiences, and when we were hungry, we shared what food we had.

Some practitioners came from northeast China and Fujian Province; others came on bicycles or had walked on foot for more than a month. Their pure, firm, and selfless hearts were awe-inspiring. I was moved to tears. We recited Hong Yin. Hundreds of practitioners recited in unison, and our voices reverberated throughout the courtyard.

By noon, the courtyard was full. A big bus arrived and we were told to get on the bus which was headed in an unknown direction. By this time, I had been separated from my family. The police were all armed with guns. Some practitioners asked, “Are they going to shoot us?” I later learned that we were sent to detention centers in various counties and districts around Beijing, because the detention centers and police departments in downtown Beijing were full of practitioners.

A few days later, our local police found me and my family members who had been sent to various counties. The four of us were taken back to our hometown and illegally detained in detention centers. People from our workplaces and Public Security came to talk to us and tried to pressure us to give up practicing Falun Dafa.

They said as long as we asked for forgiveness, they would let us go. But we were all determined to practice Falun Dafa. All four of us were persecuted and imprisoned. I was illegally sentenced to three years in prison, my mother to four years, and my sisters were subjected to two years in a forced labor camp.

Our once happy family was torn apart. Only our father was left at home, lonely and struggling to survive. He rarely went out, and just watched TV day and night to pass the time. The persecution made his life unimaginably difficult. In order to visit us, he had to travel to several places: The men’s prison, the women’s prison, and the forced labor camp. Seeing my father’s exhausted face, I was choked with tears.

We were all bullied and humiliated while we were locked up in the CCP’s black dens. My mother was incarcerated in a women’s prison where she was tortured and hung up by the guards for hours. 

The four of us weathered the storm, and our faith in Master and Dafa did not waver. After we were released we did the three things every day. My older sister was forced to divorce. My younger sister and brother-in-law did not want to be harassed by their workplaces, so they both quit their jobs and moved. I got married in 2005. My wife is virtuous and kind; she is a rare, good person.

Persecuted Again

Several fellow practitioners talked about setting up a truth-clarification materials production site. We decided not to wait for other practitioners and started one on our own. My sister and I learned various technologies. When we got home from work, we produced materials. We sometimes worked until late at night. It was hard, but fulfilling. Seeing the stacks of beautiful pamphlets, CDs, and leaflets, our hearts were full of joy. My mother also helped, and bound and bagged the materials. Our family was very busy.

At the beginning of 2006, practitioners were arrested and persecuted on a large scale in our region. My sister and I were also arrested and persecuted. We were given heavy sentences—my sister was sentenced to seven years in prison, and I was sentenced to five years.

My sister did not compromise with her persecutors, so she was brutally persecuted. She was beaten, deprived of sleep and not allowed to use the toilet. The guard instructed criminal inmates to watch her. They persecuted her in shifts. As soon as she dozed off, they beat her. The guards forced practitioners to do unpaid labor, and they worked from morning to night every day. My sister spent seven years in pain and torture.

When I arrived at the prison, I worked with other detained Dafa practitioners to expose the persecution and validate the Fa. We tried our best to keep up with the Fa-rectification. We gave the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party to the prisoners, and helped them quit the CCP and its youth organizations. The other practitioners and I found opportunities to communicate on the way to the workshops, and we encouraged and assisted each other to create an environment for learning the Fa and practicing the exercises. We managed to get an MP3 and an MP4, and opened up channels for contact with the outside world, so that we could get Master’s new lectures.

When the door was closed at night, the lights in the prison were turned off. I took out a small homemade flashlight, slid under the covers, and transcribed the new lectures from the electronic version of the MP4. I made multiple copies and distributed them to the practitioners in various prison districts. After I transcribed for hours, I sent forth righteous thoughts. I often transcribed until three or four in the morning. When I wasn’t transcribing, I used the MP4 to study and memorize the Fa. I listened every day until three or four in the morning, and I wasn’t tired. I was filled with righteous thoughts.

I lived in harmony with the prisoners. I told them the truth about the persecution and persuaded them to quit the CCP. They all developed righteous thoughts and we became good friends. Some began practicing Falun Dafa. When the guards wanted to persecute me, the prisoners tried to protect me.

I vowed to help everyone in the prison quit the Party, including those who persecuted me.

When I was about to be released from prison, some practitioners heard that Falun Dafa practitioners who had not been transformed were not allowed to go home. Instead they were sent to a brainwashing center. Many practitioners were worried about me, but my heart was unusually calm.

In March 2011, I memorized the list of more than 100 people who decided to quit the CCP. The guards would search me when I left the prison, so I couldn’t carry anything. I walked out of the prison gate and my family and friends were waiting. I got in the car, and returned home with dignity.

I was persecuted by the CCP for several years, but my wife always stood by my side. For several years, she was the family’s sole support and cared for my elderly parents. A friend told me, “All these years when you were imprisoned, she didn’t even buy a mobile phone. In today’s society, how many people do not have mobile phones?” I was speechless.

My wife is not good at speaking and is barely literate, but she is kind-hearted and practical. Although she does not practice Falun Dafa, she has always supported my cultivation. 

In 2014, when I was forty years old, my wife gave birth to a lovely son. At that time, my sister was also released from prison, and the family was happy. My elderly father has a smart and cute grandson.

Resisting the Persecution 

Time flies. At the beginning of 2018, at the behest of the Ministry of Public Security, the local Domestic Security Division and 610 Office persecuted my sister and me. We were arrested and taken to a detention center. My sister was illegally detained for 15 days, and I faced an unlawful sentence.

As soon as I entered the detention center, I decided to go on hunger strike to protest the persecution. After a week, I even stopped drinking water. The detention center was worried, and transferred me to the intensive care unit of the hospital, where they forcibly inserted a tube into my body. The tube was painful. It went from my nose through the mouth, throat, all the way to the stomach. I lost weight rapidly and became weak. Every day the police, doctors, directors, and people from the police department came to persuade me to eat. I said I hadn’t committed any crime, so I could not cooperate.

They kept the tube in me for more than four months. Every second was torment, but I was optimistic and in good spirits. The police, doctors, and nurses in the detention center did not understand at first, and insulted me, saying that I had caused them trouble. I told them the truth about the persecution. Even though it was painful to speak with the tube inserted in me, I talked to them.

In order for them to understand practitioners and eliminate their hostility toward Falun Dafa, I often chatted with them and told them stories and jokes. Their attitude slowly changed, from frowning at me and reprimanding me, to sympathizing and pitying me, and then smiling and respecting me. I became friends with the police, doctors, and nurses.

About 1,000 people are detained at that center, and the hospital was in the fifth district. The prisoners in the detention center all heard that there was a Falun Dafa practitioner in the fifth district that was on a hunger strike for several months. They were curious and some wanted to meet me.

The intensive care unit where I was held is where the inmates receive injections and infusions. Every day, inmates from different prison districts came to see the doctors. I met prisoners from various prison districts, and I used the opportunity to tell them the truth and persuade them to quit the CCP.

I met many people, and some of them became good friends. When I joked, “My intensive care unit has become the Dragon Gate Inn” [a mysterious place in a Chinese movie], a policeman laughed.

One man was a martial artist who accidentally killed someone. His heart was troubled and full of anxiety, but he had no one to talk to. When he heard that I was empathetic, he wrote some notes, and asked an inmate to pass them to me. I immediately replied, and we became close friends

The gastric tube was inserted in me for nearly five months. During this time, I was placed on trial several times without court. Family, friends, and even strangers attended. I had a gastric tube inserted, and looked weak. I couldn’t let my family and friends think that I was discouraged or frustrated. I held my head high, and smiled. I cooperated with the lawyer who defended me, and he spoke clearly and forcefully. The judge was speechless. I spoke in court and accused the former CCP leader Jiang Zemin of starting the persecution.

I was sentenced to three years. When I left the detention center, the inmates said goodbye to me. I wrote another poem: “Upon Leaving” in which I thanked the police officers and medical personnel, and the director. 

Brutally Persecuted While Imprisoned for the Third Time

I was sentenced to three years in prison and sent to J Prison. I only weighed 80 pounds. This was the third time I was sent here, and I was sad and frustrated. But, I didn’t know that the nightmare had just begun.

When I arrived at the prison, the head of the training district came to pick me up. As soon as he saw me, he said, “I hate people like you the most.” He beat me for no reason, and threatened to beat me again later.

When I arrived at the training team, the chief personally instructed five or six criminals to torture and beat me for several hours. They took me to an office where there were no surveillance cameras and decided to force me to “transform” and write a letter to renounce Falun Dafa. Five or six criminal inmates rushed up and knocked me down to the ground. Two or three of them grabbed my arms, and the other two beat me. They stood on my feet in case I collapsed.

When they got tired, they rested for a while and the others continued to beat me. Later, when they were all tired, they said, “Let’s play scissors, rocks, and paper; whoever loses will beat him.” They took turns beating me and my entire body was covered in bruises. 

Later, when their hands hurt, they found a wooden board and beat me fiercely on my body, legs, and buttocks; Then, they struck the bulge of my ankle bone with the horizontal edge of the plank and said, “It hurts the most here.” One man suggested, “Let’s dip the plank in water, it hurts more.” I was brutally tortured for hours. When they were tired, they took a break and drank wine and smoked.

I fainted after being beaten several times, and then woke up again. I was beaten unconscious. In the end, I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t hear anything or see anything. When I fainted, they kept waking me up, beating and torturing me for hours until it was their dinner time and they took me back to my cell.

After a while, the other practitioners and I were sent to various prison teams. The environment there was relatively relaxed. Each team had two or three practitioners. For more than 20 years, practitioners have come and gone, and groups of practitioners exposed the persecution, and convinced people to quit the Party. All their efforts created a relatively good environment for practitioners. 

I resumed my normal study and practice. I was on guard duty every night for two hours, so I practiced the exercises every night. In order to promote Dafa, practitioners suggested celebrating “World Falun Dafa Day.” Every May 13th, we took out the food we bought, such as melon seeds, peanuts, and drinks, and shared them with the prisoners. As a result, the prisoners knew about “World Falun Dafa Day,” and they all said, “Falun Dafa is good!”

I managed to get a mobile phone. I could use it to get on the Internet and download Master’s new scriptures.

In 2019, the government’s inspection team came to J Prison. I managed to contact the practitioners in each prison district, and we wrote letters and jointly sued the head of the training district. He was transferred from the training team.

At the end of 2020, the prison received orders from the Political and Legal Affairs Committee to carry out the “zero-out” persecution, forcing practitioners who had not been “transformed” to transform, and the deputy prison director was in charge of the persecution. I wrote him a letter and waited to talk to him.

One day, the deputy warden came to my prison district. I politely stopped him, handed him the letter, and said that I wanted to talk to him. He didn’t say anything and walked away. The next day, at the prison police work conference, the deputy warden angrily scolded the prison instructor, “I told you to ‘transform’ so-and-so (me), but now he tried to transform me.”

The prison police failed to “transform” me, and they didn’t know how to explain this to the deputy prison director, so they put me in a solitary confinement cell.

Solitary confinement was known as the “prison within a prison.” The conditions were extremely harsh. There were no beds, and at night, I lay on the cold floor. I did not have enough to eat, and I was hungry and cold. Prisoners who were detained there for a long time went crazy. It was winter and the weather kept getting colder. Even the water at the bottom of the food container froze.

The winter of 2020 was the coldest winter in my memory. Although I was alone in a dark and cold confinement room, I was optimistic and calm. I recited Master’s poems and lectures aloud. I also sang. Even though I was hungry and freezing, I was happy. I also wrote a poem:

It is difficult to see the sky in a closed room,Why not peacefully sit alone.Chanting and whispering are all comfortable,Who is afraid of loneliness and hunger?

Whenever the inmates came to the confinement room, I seized the opportunity to tell them the truth and convince them to quit the Party. We became friends, and some of them learned how to do the Falun Dafa exercises from me. I was detained in the confinement cell for four months.

At the beginning of 2021, when I was due to be released from prison, my mother, sister, and wife came to pick me up. The local police also came. The police tried to make me to get into their car, but my mother, sister, and wife grabbed me and got me into their car. Later, my mother told me that someone told them that the police wanted to take me to a brainwashing center. 

Perseverance on the Path of Cultivation

When I got home, my father looked old. My son had also grown. He was smart and cute, and about to attend the first grade. When my son was in kindergarten, whenever someone asked, he always answered calmly, “My father is far away.” Sometimes he asked his grandmother, “Is Dad on a business trip?”

My wife never left me. For many years, she raised our son alone, and it was really difficult. My sister is also in her forties. I remember that more than twenty years ago, we were all young people.

Over the years, my family experienced all kinds of persecution and tribulations, so we were seldom together. But I just firmly believe that no matter how we are persecuted, it will have no effect. Master has His arrangement, and everything Master gives us is the best.

When I returned home, I was harassed by people from the local Political and Legal Affairs Committee. I faced them calmly. They listened to my experiences and said they admired me and sympathized with me. One said, “Your state of mind is good.” I said, “After so many years and so many experiences, I have no grudges and no hatred.” 

I have walked through the darkness with my head held high. No matter how dark the situation became, I continued to believe in Falun Dafa. Sometimes, I sit alone in the workshop that smells of coal and steel, thinking: No matter what profession a person is in, what class he is from, or what environment he’s in, he must maintain a noble, dignified, and clean soul.”

My level of understanding is limited. Please compassionately correct me if anything I’ve written is not in accordance with the Fa.