(Minghui.org) From the day I gained a sense of independence, depression and suffering were my constant companions. As I became more aware of the world I lived in, I realized that I had no interest in worldly things. I didn’t know what there was to live for.
This feeling only grew stronger as time went on.
December 2019 would have been the end of my life. I felt like I had reached my breaking point, both mentally and physically. I felt that even if I didn’t end my life, I would probably die in my sleep one day and never wake up again.
A Fateful Encounter
Around this time, a work friend and I would chat regularly. He eventually gave me some materials about Falun Dafa and then a copy of Zhuan Falun, the main teachings of Falun Dafa.
I knew that spiritual cultivation could lead to true liberation. In my earlier years, I did try finding salvation from different schools of cultivation. However, the “cultivators” I had come across seemed hardly on the right paths themselves, so I never formally joined any discipline. I only read some spiritual books on my own.
A Taoist priest I met in my early years spoke highly of Falun Dafa. He didn’t tell me clearly what Falun Dafa was, but from what he told me, I got the impression that Falun Dafa was something the cultivation community saw as being extremely good.
When I was a child, I always met Falun Dafa practitioners on the street who’d talk to me about their practice. Even when I went abroad, I saw them in different countries, distributing materials about it. All of my encounters with the practitioners gave me the impression that the Falun Dafa community is devout and determined.
Therefore, when I got the book Zhuan Falun and the Dafa materials from my friend, I couldn’t help but feel excited. I’d wanted to learn about Falun Dafa in the past, but the practitioners who talked to me always left in a hurry. They mostly talked about the persecution, without explaining more about the practice itself. On the day I got the book, I had the feeling of being chosen; I was a little nervous.
Leaving the Black Box
Because of my busy work schedule, I flipped through two pages of the book before putting it under my pillow.
A couple of days later, I felt very warm at night, to the point that I couldn’t keep the covers on. I woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. I thought I was sick and went to the clinic to get anti-inflammatory drugs, but they couldn’t be injected for some reason.
The friend who gave me the Dafa materials contacted me. When he heard about my situation, he told me to read the book, as it talked about the phenomenon I was experiencing. I went back and flipped through the book and understood what was going on, but I still didn’t finish it in one go.
It was not until the end of January 2020, when I was isolated at home by the pandemic and had nothing to do, that I took out Zhuan Falun from under my pillow and started to read it in earnest. From the fourth lecture onward, my tears fell uncontrollably—the more I continued to read, the more I wanted to cry. I read until the end, crying all the while.
In the past, I had wanted to commit suicide because I couldn’t find a reason to live in this world. I had a vague feeling that I had come to this world for a very important thing, but I had forgotten what it was. The pain and confusion I experienced made it feel like I was being tossed around in a small, dark box. My heart felt empty and my mind was chaotic. There was no goal, no direction; I grasped for something solid, but came up empty every time.
After reading Zhuan Falun for the first time, I had no more thoughts of suicide.
I came for this very purpose. I knew it. The thing that I had forgotten came back to me. I remembered who I was and why I was here. A hand reached into the black box and brought me into the light.
At last, I stood where I was meant to stand, where I belonged.
First Steps in Cultivation
I wanted to learn more, so I started reading Master’s teachings from all over the world. There was no hesitation in my mind about whether or not I wanted to practice. The day I finished reading Zhuan Falun, I knew that I would never put it down again. From then on I continued to study the Fa every day. I also followed Master’s exercise videos and learned the exercise movements.
Those days, I had to get up at 6 a.m. for work and sometimes didn't get home until after 10 p.m. I almost never got enough sleep.
But in order to do the exercises, I got up at 5 a.m., which was a miracle for me at that time. I didn’t even know how I did it. Later, when I learned that many of my fellow practitioners got up at 3 a.m. to exercise, I realized how lazy I was in comparison.
Since then, I have become a completely different person. I didn’t really feel a marked change in myself, but the feedback from my friends around me confirmed this.
They told me that before, they would never see me smile and that there was always a sense of misanthropy and negativity emanating from me every day. But now, I can actually smile, and I have a positive and bright attitude. If they hadn’t watched me go through this entire process, they would wonder if this new me was really me.
I told them that it was because I had practiced Falun Dafa. I also told them some of my insights from the early stages of my practice, and how amazing Falun Dafa is. I taught them to meditate, and because they had witnessed my transformation, they were very enthusiastic about learning.
At the same time, the relationship between me and my family changed dramatically.
In the past, my family and I could never get along. As soon as we met, we would fight and quarrel; we never had anything nice to say to each other. From what I could remember, all I told them was how much I wanted to die and how I planned to kill myself.
After practicing Dafa, my family and I chatted more frequently. Our communication was friendly and calm, as if the unpleasantness had never happened. They were also surprised by the change in our relationship.
I returned home a few months later, when the pandemic had eased up a little. When I had practiced Dafa for about six months, my father was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer. By the time I came home, he went back for a follow-up examination and found that his lung had healed.
I told them that I practiced Falun Dafa and what I had learned from it. I didn’t know if it was because of the miraculous experience from the lung disease or our improved family relationships or something else. But my family showed their approval of my practice and encouraged me to spend more time on it.
My father cried one night after drinking and said, “Do you know what a great thing you people are doing?”
Continuing My Journey
At that time, I did not quite understand the meaning of Fa-rectification, but I could feel that countless lives had placed their hope in the Fa-rectification. I could also feel the great responsibility I shouldered. I wanted to improve myself and keep up with the pace of Fa-rectification.
So in the last two years, I continued to study the Fa every day, reading all of Master’s teachings from beginning to end. I read the book Zhuan Falun over and over again as I worked on putting aside all of my attachments.
As Master said, as long as we study the Fa, we are improving. Many questions I couldn’t understand at first were gradually answered through reading the Fa.
With the sitting meditation, my legs would hurt badly as soon as I crossed them. I thought to myself, “When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Zhuan Falun)
In October 2020, I tied my legs up and meditated. I would not put them down even when I was in tears. I grit my teeth when the pain became too much. I had only one thought: I am a practitioner of Dafa, so how could I not even bear this pain?!
I counted the seconds one by one until the last second, enduring the pain that penetrated through my flesh and bones. A few months later, I found myself meditating very steadily and calmly, and I could sit for an hour without crying or screaming. However, it was not because it didn’t hurt anymore, but that my endurance had improved.
As a Dafa disciple, I have to protect Dafa’s good name. Whenever I encountered a problem, I thought of what Master had said and immediately looked within for my own attachments. If I couldn’t find it, I would study the Fa.
Since I obtained the Fa late, the tests and tribulations arranged for me were very intense. I was soon exposed to conflicts between practitioners, which were very complicated. But I realized how important it was to follow Master’s teachings. Whenever we face any conflicts, we should look inward unconditionally and study the Fa. Then, we will get the answer.
I am willing to let go of all my ego to assimilate to the Fa. So far, I have practiced Falun Dafa for two years.
I remember four years ago, when I met a Dafa disciple at a tourist site who came to persuade me to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party, I said to him, “You don’t have to tell me. I know all about this. I am one of you.”
At the time, I did not know why I said that.
Now I am able to tell that fellow practitioner that I am indeed one of us.
I thank Master for his compassionate salvation, and I also thank my fellow practitioners who have clarified the facts about Falun Dafa to me again and again. They brought me from the darkness into the light.
Today, I have finally taken my rightful place as a particle in the Fa-rectification.
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