Looking Within and Holding Myself to a Higher Standard

(Minghui.org) I spoke to a customer service representative three days ago, and found her tone of voice and the way she spoke to me disrespectful. I came away from the telephone call annoyed but also perturbed as to why I allowed her to upset me. 

I then decided to revisit the whole thing and try to see what attachments she touched upon that made me so angry. I asked Master to please help me look into it, and this is how I proceeded. 

I first recalled something Master said:

“As you cultivate, no matter what type of difficulty you encounter, as long as you can first examine yourself for the cause, you will be able to resolve any problem. You have to search inside yourself when you encounter problems. As I said earlier, [it comes about] not because others have wronged you, but rather, because there is something wrong on your part. For example, if the grand cosmic body is in harmony but there is discordance on your part, and a knotty situation occurs only where you are, it is you who is not in accord with others. When you spot the cause within yourself and correct that problem, things will become harmonious and calm, and everyone will treat you nicely once again. I used a simple example to illustrate the principle.” (Teachings at the First Conference in North America)

Looking Within

At first when I tried to find what attachments she touched on that made me angry, I kept looking at her and blaming her for being rude. I then replayed most of our conversation in my mind, and I felt a sense of violation. I thought, “Which of my sensibilities did she violate?” Suddenly I saw that there was something in me that felt violated, and it was angry. I felt that “that something” was separate and distinct from me! I realized at once that it wasn’t me calling her rude! My true self, after all consists of Zhen-Shan-Ren, and is inviolable.

Defining What I Found

I next decided to define for myself what “that something” is. “That thing” is my human sensibilities pertaining to “respect” in this specific circumstance. So, if this is what it is, then how did I come by such sensibilities and why should I mistake them for my true self?

And then I remembered from the Fa teachings that we get our sense of being human from living in this world. Our human notions come from our living in this world as humans. In this specific instance, my notions of how customer service employees should speak to me comes from our collective human agreement that companies whose businesses we patronize should be respectful of us if they want to keep our business. Companies certainly agree that this should be the case, and so do everyday people. 

My Sensibilities Come from the Fa

But I’m a cultivator. How should this apply to me? How should customer service personnel speak to me? As a Dafa disciple my sensibilities come from the Fa.

In Hong Yin III, Master says,

Don’t ArgueDon’t argue when people argue with youCultivation is looking within for the causeWanting to explain just feeds the attachmentBreadth of mind, unattached, brings true insight(“Don’t Argue,” Hong Yin III)

Master also says in Zhuan Falun, Lecture Six, under the section “Demonic Interference From One’s Own Mind”:

“Under all circumstances, we must be good and kind to others, not to mention to our family members. We should treat everyone in the same way. We must be good to our parents and children and be considerate of others in all respects. Such a heart is thus unselfish, and it is a heart of kindness and benevolence—it is compassion.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun) 

My understanding of this is that as a cultivator, I should be tolerant of people, and allow people to be who they are, and speak and act in any way they see fit. As a cultivator, I should always be accepting and understanding of them, since my starting point is Shan (Compassion)! In the 2018 translation of Zhuan Falun, Lecture Six, (from the same excerpt above), Master says:

“We should treat everyone well, which of course includes parents and children, and think of others first at all times.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)

Understanding the Process and Benefits of Finding Attachment(s)

From this, I understand that if someone says something that I find “rude” or “not right,” then they are touching or pointing to something specific in me, “a discordance,” something that should not be there. If they hadn’t touched upon it, I would have been oblivious to its existence. From studying the Fa, I’m beginning to realize that this is the nature of attachments.

I’m learning that human beings are inundated with all sorts of notions and ideas. Until it is touched upon, a person most often doesn’t realize what they have accepted and held on to as truth, a truth that dictates their thoughts and actions! So long as we’re harboring attachments (even if we are not making use of them) and think there’s nothing there, they may still impact others and cause them to react to us in ways that are not very pleasant. I understand from the Fa that hanging on to such things only fouls things up and causes a person to accrue karma.

So Why Am I Not Laughing?

So, if this was my understanding regarding this “rudeness,” then why was I still angry? I then remembered something Master said, from which Fa conference I don’t recall. But he said something like, if someone says something to you or about you that isn’t true, you’ll cover your mouth and laugh; you will find it very funny. 

I looked again at what she said to see which parts irritated me. I realized that I was irritated because she wanted me to verify every piece of information they had on me to confirm my identity, which was unusual. As I write now, I’m thinking maybe she was a new employee. 

At that time, I felt she was questioning my truthfulness. But why should a cultivator care what her motives were? When she told me they would run a check on the information again if the first attempt failed, I thought she was coming across as condescending and belligerent. I thought to myself, “Why would I call to pay for something if I didn’t have the money? But then again, why should her opinion of me matter so much? How am I placing myself in all of this?”

What Did I Bring to This Exchange?

I looked behind my being “unhappy” with her and asked myself, “How was my demeanor when I was talking to her?” I remembered being preoccupied with certain challenges I was dealing with at that time, but I was calm. With regard to my finances, I had just lost my job and was starting to worry about money and how much longer I would be able to pay the rent. Are these fears attachments or what? These were the things being touched upon! And they, in turn, contributed to “that thing” seeing her as rude and annoying!

We Only Lose the Bad Things

I now understand why Master says of people who cause trouble for us:

“…you should thank him in your heart and thank him sincerely.” (“Transformation of Karma,” Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun) 

Their “untoward behavior” towards us truly shines a light on what we have within us that needs to be removed. It’s like someone pointing out a ditch, and saying, “Mind your step!”

I’m discovering that our initial attachments may be superficial coverings for our other attachments that need to be removed. I also realize that for an everyday person, how polite or rude that customer service person is would be the only issue they cared about.

But as a cultivator, I understand that, be it the initial human thought or attachment, or whatever else is behind it, are all things to be removed! So I should not recognize them as part of myself, because my true self is Zhen-Shan-Ren.

I therefore rejected the attachments to the human concept of how customer service personnel should speak to me, the attachment of looking outward for the cause, and the worry about money and rent. I then asked Master to please remove them for me.

Please point out anything that’s not in line with the Fa.