Learning to Be Altruistic Through a Small Conflict

(Minghui.org) When I first started to cultivate, my favorite section to read in Zhuan Falun was “Improving Xinxing.” It’s probably because the section on xinxing improvement was the easiest to understand, and because I knew that. 

Master said: “One’s gong level is as high as one’s xinxing level ...” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

Of course, I learned later that all sections of the Fa are essential and equally important.

Master said: 

“You should always be benevolent and kind to others and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

Whenever I read this section of the lecture, I always thought: I must do this! But in reality, I found it difficult to do completely, even though Master made it so clear. It’s not that I didn’t want to do it; it’s that sometimes it’s hard for me to realize if a certain matter will hurt someone. Why is this?

Recently, a small incident with my mother made me enlighten to how to be altruistic, which actually came down to changing my way of thinking. That is, don’t always think about things from my own perspective.

My mother criticized me the other day, saying I didn’t do something for her. When I explained that I actually did it, she insisted that I didn’t, and said I was lying. I wanted to explain again but suddenly became wary of why I needed to explain. I asked myself: Is this the attachment of not wanting to take criticism, or am I afraid of being wronged? I felt it was neither, so what was it? It seemed to be a mindset of wanting to specify what is accurate.

But at the same time, a question came to mind: Does specifying what’s accurate to my mother help me in any way? Or does it seem to hurt my mother? This is just a trivial conflict with my mother, which has no effect on others or me. It only impacts my mother. Thinking about it from her perspective, if I tell her that I did indeed do it that thing for her, she may feel that she is old and can’t remember things. Wouldn’t that be hurting her? If I am acting for her sake, how should I handle it?

So I said to her, “If I really didn’t do this, would you complain about me?” She said, “Of course.” I said, “I’ll pay attention next time, but maybe it’s also for you to let go of your resentment, right?” She thought for a moment and said, “Yes, I even complain about such small things. I really have too much resentment.”

Thus, a small conflict was resolved, and it became an opportunity to improve my xinxing. This was an intricate and amazing experience for me.