Improving My Character by Looking Inward

(Minghui.org) I began participating in the Global Telephone Rescue Platform in 2020. I made calls to mainland China to rescue Falun Dafa practitioners who had been arrested, as well as clarify the facts to police officers, staff of the procuratorate, and members of the judicial system. This experience gave me the opportunity to look inward and cultivate my speech.

When I first began making calls, I became upset when people swore at me. But by repeatedly studying two of Master Li’s teachings: “True Cultivation” in Essentials for Further Advancement, and “The Ultimate Objective of Clarifying the Truth” in The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III, I quickly improved my xinxing and made a breakthrough in my understanding of the Fa. I gradually no longer felt upset when someone spoke in an abusive manner.

However, I still found it challenging to look inward unconditionally and cultivate my speech when interacting with other Falun Dafa practitioners.

I developed a severe cough and had difficulty breathing in early 2020. With Master’s protection, most of the symptoms disappeared quickly. However, I continued to cough now and again. Initially, I thought the coughing was just a minor problem, so I ignored it and didn’t look inward.

In the summer of 2021, another practitioner and I promoted Shen Yun by selling tickets. I had previously been reluctant to work with her because she once criticized another practitioner by blathering on about their shortcomings. Although some of her comments made sense, I couldn’t tolerate the way she spoke. Other practitioners said similar things about her, which reinforced that my opinion was correct.

On our way to the ticket booth, we listened to Master’s lectures and didn’t talk much. However, on the way home, we felt relaxed and chatted casually. I once said something inappropriate, and she began to criticize me.

I was so annoyed that I couldn’t remain calm. I wanted to teach her a lesson, so without thinking, I blurted out, “Can you stop picking on others’ mistakes and criticizing them all the time? Do you feel you have cultivated better than others? Do you think that your understanding is always right?”

She replied, “That’s not true. I don’t feel that way. I’m just pointing it out for your benefit … ” This reminded me of the many past unpleasant experiences I had with her. I said, “You are attacking me under the name of doing good. You know I’ve put up with you for a long time. I’m not the only one who can’t stand you. Many practitioners can’t stand you. We simply can’t communicate with you in a normal way.”

She was silent afterward and didn’t say anything further. We didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the way home. At the time, I felt so good because she had finally stopped criticizing me. However, by the time I dropped her off, I regretted what I had said. The more I thought about it, the more I regretted my actions. I asked myself why I couldn’t speak to this practitioner with kindness. I later texted her an apology. She thanked me for being so frank, and said she wouldn’t have otherwise known the trouble she had caused and would rectify her behavior.

That night, my cough worsened, and my lungs started hurting again. It didn’t get better even after a whole week went by. I looked inward and understood that the sickness karma was caused by the fact that I had not cultivated my speech and had hurt another practitioner.

I knew that cultivation was serious, and I could never make up for my mistakes by doing something good or apologizing afterward. I understood that if I made a mistake, I would have to pay for it somehow.

I realized that the cough I had some time ago was probably also due to my failure in cultivating my speech. For example, I had argued with this practitioner from time to time and complained about her behind her back. I was also happy when I heard others making negative comments about her. I understood the cough was a reminder that I had problems with my cultivation.

A few months later, I worked at the Shen Yun ticket booth with the same woman. I understood that Master arranged this for me because I hadn’t done well in the past. I knew I must find my attachments and remove them.

I could see that the practitioner’s behavior had improved a lot since I last saw her. But she sometimes still talked about the same things and that bothered me. This time, however, I kept telling myself not to argue with her. I also restrained my tendency of wanting to talk about her behavior with other practitioners.

I found that I still hadn’t reached the standard of the Fa when I examined myself. I felt resentment toward this person in my heart; all I had done was bite my tongue and not argue back.

Master said,

“So in other words, cultivation must genuinely change a person inside. If you want to reach high realms, if you want to reach the realm of a god, you must reach a god’s realm of mind. If only your surface is changed while your nature remains the same, it’s not genuine. At a certain time or at a critical moment, [the attachment] will still show up. So if a person’s mind isn’t changed, that is just covering things up with a false appearance.” (Teachings at the Conference in the Western U.S.)

I realized that cultivating my speech meant I was cultivating my character. No matter how hard I tried to cultivate my speech, however, I couldn’t do it without removing the feeling of resentment. By writing this article, I am also exposing this attachment and urging myself to live up to the requirements of the Fa.

I asked myself why I treated ordinary people and fellow practitioners differently. I knew I needed to save ordinary people, so I was compassionate with them. No matter how they treated me, I was tolerant and kind.

However, I lacked compassion for other practitioners. I unconsciously used Master’s Fa to measure their words and actions.

Master said,

“… A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion. With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy …”(“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I understood that there shouldn’t be any prerequisite for us to cultivate compassion. We should be unconditionally compassionate to everyone, including other practitioners. Master’s Great Law is for cultivating ourselves, not for fixing someone else. I was grateful that I could move up in cultivation by looking inward and finding my problem.

In Hong Yin VI, Master said the superior person could solve difficulties with a smile. I hope we can all achieve this.

Please correct me if I said anything that is not in accordance with the Fa.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners.!