(Minghui.org) I know there will be tribulations on the path of cultivation but I didn’t handle them well until a recent series of events exposed my attachments.
My Resentment and Jealousy are Exposed
I knew that I easily became jealous so I often reminded myself of this whenever I felt upset. But something happened last month that really upset me. I lacked the energy to send righteous thoughts to eliminate it. My mind was full of negative thoughts, and I couldn’t suppress the continuous flow of negative emotions.
I told another practitioner that I disagreed with the coordinator who changed my assignment. The practitioner reminded me that my negative thoughts came from my jealousy and that I should not go along with it. He added, “We are validating the Fa. We are not validating ourselves or pursuing fame or personal gain.”
I repeated Master’s teaching to calm myself down. Master said,
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself....” (“Realms,” Essentials For Further Advancement)
I still felt upset. Because I didn’t dig deeper to expose it, it grew larger throughout the following week until it became so strong that I felt I was about to explode.
I joined group Fa-study online on weekends but the negative emotion prevented me from focusing on the Fa. I saw a text message from another practitioner after Fa study. It read, “Some may feel that they can do this or that, but the person doesn’t realize that everything is given by Master after one cultivates oneself to get rid of one’s attachments. One’s ability is determined by one’s cultivation states. If one cultivates well, Master will give us everything. The ability is not something one can get by pursuing with human thoughts and notions.” I didn’t reflect and apply this to myself, instead, I immediately challenged the practitioner, “Do you mean that they took away my assignment because my cultivation state was so poor?”
I couldn’t hold back my complaints so I went to see another practitioner. He patiently listened and then read me a paragraph of Master’s Fa.
“Those attachments are just like a big, sturdy padlock that locks you in. You have to open every padlock as you progress on your path. If you don’t, they will lock you in and delude you, and you won’t see the truth. And, if you fail to open those locks while on the path that returns you to your origin and true self, you won’t be able to continue forward. That’s what a test is. Everything you are attached to is your obstacle. These tests that you come across in cultivation are in fact your own hardships. The point of my utilizing them is to open the locks of your attachments, to allow you to see the truth, and to have your mind elevate.” (Teachings at the Conference in Switzerland)
He also asked me if I had resentment. As soon as he said the word resentment it shook me out of my confusion. I immediately saw that all my negative emotions came from it. I had deep resentment over having my assignment taken away. I resented the fact that the coordinator never recognized my accomplishments, never praised me, and always gave other people more than me. I made negative comments about him, saying how unbearable a person he was. If given chances, I would get revenge on him and make him change.
When I realized how bad my thoughts were, and how far away they were from a practitioner, I was terrified. If an ordinary person had these awful thoughts he would not be considered a good person. I am a cultivator, how can I have such bad thoughts? I must get rid of them quickly.
After returning home, I calmed down and continued to search within. I found Chinese Communist Party culture indoctrination. I went to extremes and liked to do grandiose things to impress people. I wanted to be praised. I usually assumed other people had negative intentions. I was competitive, jealous, resentful, and wanted fame and fortune. I liked to show off. I validated myself. I was filled with emotion, lust, etc.
I wrote down every attachment I identified on a piece of paper and the list grew to twenty-nine items. They were the reason why I felt so upset.
I made up my mind to let them go quickly. I sent forth righteous thoughts for an hour.
Looking Inward Even Deeper
I went to work the next day, and I felt that my state was completely different from the day before. I no longer had those negative and bad thoughts. I could face the coordinator and the fact that he took away my assignment calmly. However, a new challenge came.
The company network had a security breach and the task to fix it was assigned to me because I was the one who configured the system in the first place. But I’m not a network security expert and I didn’t know what to do. I thought highly of my capabilities and often boasted to others that I was skilled. Now I had to admit that my knowledge was limited and I needed help from my co-workers and from the manufacturer.
I searched online and saw that other companies usually hired a consultant to fix problems like this. But that was not an option for us. I sent forth righteous thoughts and asked Master to strengthen me. I also contacted the manufacturer.
One cause of the issue was that the system was not updated in time. I realized that I also needed to update my cultivation. I sent more righteous thoughts, joined Fa-study online, and looked within more in the following days. I realized I still had the attachments of jealousy. I did not want to cooperate with others, and I was unwilling to support or help others to achieve.
The manufacturer attempted to connect to the system several times but failed. In the following days, I repeatedly contacted them asking for new solutions. One night, I received an email from the manufacturer asking me to try a passphrase. I felt very calm and I knew it would work because it was given by Master. Thank you Master!
I went to the office and entered the passphrase the following morning. It worked!
I learned something from this issue. When things happen, I have to take the initiative to cooperate, look within and cultivate myself, instead of waiting for Master to solve it for me.
The things I experienced in the past few weeks have made me more aware that no matter whether something looks good or bad on the surface, for a cultivator, it’s always a good thing. Every time something happens I must look within to see which of my attachments are being exposed. I will not encounter it if I have nothing to do with it.
One day, we meditated together. An hour passed quickly, but my legs didn’t hurt. I decided to continue to meditate. I always feel that my jealousy is hard to let go of, and it seems that I can’t feel happy for others when they have good things. During the meditation that day, I understood that I can really be happy for them if there are capable people in a project or in a team, or if fellow practitioners who have been recognized by the coordinator for their accomplishments. Because this is good for the project and the team. Only in this way can the team improve, the project will do better, and it will play a better role in clarifying the truth and validating the Fa. When I understood this, I felt my heart open and energy flowed out.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself