Getting Rid of My Habit of Avoiding Hardship

(Minghui.org) Looking back at my cultivation journey over the last year, I now realize that the things that seemed so painful and difficult at the time were not bad at all.

Cultivating at Work

Last May, our company went through a reorganization and I was transferred to a new department. The department manager was a new hire and wasn’t familiar with the business or the environment. He seemed to make a simple job complicated and created conflicts all the time. As a result, I was overloaded with work and tired. After a busy day at work, I often fell asleep after just reading a few lines in Zhuan Falun. 

One day, after visiting a dozen off-site branches, I arrived at a meeting three minutes late. The manager criticized me in front everyone. In fact, the off-site visits were arranged by him, and he should have known why I had been a bit late. During the meeting, the more I thought about it, the angrier I felt. I decided to keep quiet and let him do the most of the talking. On reflection, I reminded myself that as a cultivator I should behave better than ordinary people at work. I then did my part at the meeting by providing guidance and explaining things when needed.

Returning to my office, I felt aggrieved and complained to my colleagues. I told them that I had done exactly what the manager had arranged for me to do, visited a dozen off-site branches on such a hot day, and rushed back for the meeting. It was too much to be criticized in front of the people at the meeting for being just three minutes late. In addition, I had never arrived late or left work early. I worked conscientiously and responsibly. I earned respect from the other managers and none of them criticized me. I wanted to report this incident to an upper-level manager on the next day. I was not fit for this job, and they could find a better person to replace me. 

When I got home, I continued complaining to my husband, who is a fellow Falun Dafa practitioner. He asked me, “What did Master Li say? Have you forgotten everything?”

I then realized that this could be a xinxing test arranged by Master Li, the founder and teacher of Falun Dafa. So why couldn’t I overcome it? I looked inward and found many attachments such as resentment, fighting, jealousy, revenge, and saving face. I felt better after I cleared out these attachments. However, those attachments would resurface from time to time and make me uncomfortable.

When I was getting ready for work the next day, a colleague,who was also one of my good friends, called me. I became emotional and brought up the conflict again, saying that my manager had mistreated me. I said a lot of resentful words. Knowing that what I was doing was wrong, I couldn’t control myself because of my attachments. When I was talking, I felt pain in my temples. From time to time, I felt the same pain when I was at work. The pain throbbed, and extended to my ears and eyes. Eventually, half of my brain hurt. 

The pain was intermittent and intense. I was anxiously waiting for the next wave of pain to come. Knowing this was not right, I kept looking inward. The pain was slightly reduced after I sent righteous thoughts, did the exercises, and recited the Fa, but it came back later.

I realized it could be a hint from Master Li. I did have a serious problem in my cultivation. Looking inward, I found that I looked down on the manager because of his poor judgment and improper job arrangements, his narrow-mindedness, short temper, lack of competence, and lack of ability as a leader. 

Studying Master’s lectures, I felt that the manager was right to criticize me. I did not do well at work and did not think of myself as a cultivator at the time. All those attachments controlled my thoughts and behavior. I wanted to let go of all of the attachments. 

The lesson I learned was so profound! From now on, I will be strict with myself and be truly compassionate and kind to all sentient beings.

Enduring Hardship Is Good for Me

Over the last six months, I felt too tired to do the daily exercises. The muscles and bones all over my body ached, especially when I did the second exercise. It felt like I was holding a heavy weight. I was nervous, and my body struggled. I looked inward constantly and found the attachments of fatigue, laziness, and seeking comfort. However, after removing these attachments, the pain, in my body was still there.

In fact, I have been evading suffering all my life. I reluctantly endure all kinds of conflicts and hardships in my life, at work, and while doing the Falun Dafa exercises. I want to change my mindset and recognize that enduring hardship is really a good thing because it eliminates karma and improves my character. Although I still feel suffering and tiredness when doing the exercises, I am in a good mood, and willing to accept those feelings. As the result, I appear to be calm and my body is much more relaxed. Once I changed how I thought about suffering, I no longer fought it, and even rather enjoyed it.